The Pink Panther

Clouseau.

Yes, well, the first time

I ever heard that name...

...Clouseau was just a little nobody.

A police officer in some little village

far outside of Paris.

He was the village idiot

as far as I could tell.

Idiot, pull up.

Monsieur Dumont, you must

move your vehicle immediately.

I am so sorry, Officer Clouseau.

My chair, it won't move.

Here's your problem.

Your battery cable has come undone.

Let me help.

Let's see.

The positive to the negative.

The negative to the positive. There.

All right, you are ready to go.

All clear, keep it moving.

As chief inspector

of the Police Nationale...

...I hear many stories

of our officers in the field.

Clouseau generated many...

...many stories.

You are under arrest

for the murder of Pierre Fuquet.

You are under arrest

for the murder of Pierre Fuquet.

You are under arrest

for the murder of Pierre Fuquet.

Pierre Fuquet?

The case is closed.

Needless to say...

... Clouseau did not qualify

for any advancement whatsoever.

I never thought for a moment

I would have any use for him...

...until that fateful day.

It was a perfect day for a murder.

France against China, with the winner

advancing to the finals.

I had been invited, as chief inspector

of the Police Nationale.

And because of my recent nomination

for the Medal of Honor.

I have been nominated seven times.

I have never won.

But still, seven nominations...

...that's something.

Anyway, the coach of

the French team, Yves Gluant...

... came out

for his customary ovation.

He raised his fist to the crowd.

On it:

The Pink Panther diamond.

It was quite the symbol of pride

and victory for the French team.

Gluant's girlfriend at that time...

... was Xania,

the international pop star.

They had been having

quite a stormy affair.

By the end of regulation time

the score was tied...

... and the game

went into sudden death.

For a patriotic Frenchman

and a true fan like myself...

... it was almost

too thrilling to believe.

And then...

... the miracle.

Yes! Yeah!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

And then, in front of a stadium

filled with people...

... Gluant collapsed...

... dead.

A poison dart in his neck.

And the Pink Panther diamond...

... had disappeared.

The newspapers fed on

Gluant's murder with a frenzy.

For them, the world had stopped.

For me...

... it was an opportunity

for my greatest triumph.

I know what we need

for the Gluant case.

- What?

- An incompetent.

An unimaginative, by-the-book,

low-level incompetent...

...who will plod along,

getting nowhere...

...with the media

watching his every step.

And while he is getting nowhere...

...I will put together the finest team

of investigators in France...

...and we will hunt down the killer,

retrieve the Pink Panther diamond...

...and then the Medal of Honor

will be mine.

And who is this incompetent?

Oh, I think I know

the perfect man for the job.

Find him and bring him to Paris.

His name is Clouseau.

Good morning, mademoiselle.

I'll be right with you.

The minister of justice sent around

a new picture of himself...

...but it was bigger than

Chief Inspector Dreyfus' picture.

So the chief inspector

had a larger one made.

You'll find that Paris

can be a very political place.

Yes, politics. Where greed

wears the mask of morality.

That's good. Did you say that?

Yes, I did.

- Could you help me down?

- Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, yes. Here, just... Perhaps...

- Yes, l...

- All right.

- Wait.

- Yeah.

Don't jump. Yes, that's good.

All right.

I think if you put

your leg right there...

- Okay.

- Yes. Okay.

Yes.

- I can't see anything.

- Maybe over here?

- Yes, okay.

- Okay.

Over here.

The inspector will see you now.

He'll be right with you.

Clouseau.

- Clouseau.

- He's coming in.

Good.

Officer Jacques Clouseau,

gendarme, third class.

- That had to hurt.

- No. No, not at all. No.

Clouseau, the reason

we called you here...

It is lovely weather we are having.

I hope the weather continues.

The area is secure.

Oh, thank you.

Clouseau, I have reviewed

your records, and it is clear to me...

...that a man of your talent

merits greater responsibility...

...than you have had

up to this point.

I have decided to promote you

to inspector...

...the highest rank of any officer

in the republic.

- Inspector?

- Exactly.

And your first case

is the Gluant murder...

...and theft of

the Pink Panther diamond.

- I am honored.

- Good.

Jacques Clouseau,

by the power vested in me...

...I hereby appoint you

full inspector...

...with all of the...

Here, if you would be so kind,

please.

Oh, here, take my pen.

Thank you.

One does not often see

the traditional French fountain pen.

I will cherish this forever.

No. It is not a gift.

That was given to me

by the mayor of Paris.

Well, then...

...I cannot accept this.

The press conference.

Yes. Clouseau, there is

a press conference...

...in just a few minutes

down the hall...

...to introduce you to the media.

We'll meet you there.

And, Clouseau?

Yes?

Good luck.

Good luck to you.

And where is the press conference?

Go under the arch...

...through the door on the right

and down the hall.

Well...

The area is still secure.

Thank you.

He's perfect.

Yes, we have definitely

found our man.

Why do I feel wet?

Because of the unique nature

of the crime...

...we have brought in a man

specially suited to the case:

Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Inspector.

Inspector.

- Yes?

- Yes, what's your initial premise?

That Gluant did not

want to be killed.

Everything else follows

like liquid mercury...

...flowing down a... A...

A sloping thing.

How long do you think

it will take to find the killer?

Right now the killer is being

surrounded by a web of deduction...

...forensic science

and the latest in technology...

...such as two-way radios

and e-mail.

Assign a man to be his driver who can

report on his whereabouts at all times.

What kind of man?

A man who follows orders

and doesn't ask questions.

Inspector, do you know if the killer

was a man or a woman?

Well, of course I know that.

What else is there? A kitten?

Excuse me,

do you think it's possible...

...that the killer could be

watching you now?

Well, if I was a killer,

I would certainly be watching...

...and possibly taping

for later playback...

...because, you know, it's a big deal

to be talked about on TV.

But I have a message for the killer:

There is no place you can hide.

There is no place

you cannot be seen.

Killer, I will find you...

... because I am

a servant of the nation.

Because justice is justice...

... and because France is France.

- Bonjour, Nicole.

- Good morning, inspector.

Welcome to your new office.

You should probably start

by going through these files.

It is lovely weather we are having.

I hope the weather...

...stays this mild.

If the weather continues...

...we are in for a lovely summer.

The area is secure.

- Are you all right?

- Well, of course I'm all right.

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