The Pink Panther Page #3

You're making fun again!

You really don't like animals.

Don't trust a man

who doesn't care about animals.

And don't trust an animal

who doesn't care about people.

Why you don't like people?

- l like people.

- Oh.

lt's supposed to be me who doesn't.

Like people. Right?

lf you say so.

l don't say so.

- You say so. Right?

- l said so.

And another thing you did -

you didn't tell me the truth.

- About what?

- About champagne. About this.

Oh, boy, did you fib.

You said... something about extremes.

lt does wonders for them.

lt does more than that.

lt makes your lips numb.

l can't feel them. Are they still there?

Let's have a look.

You didn't tell me about that part.

Won't do you any good. l can't feel it.

(giggles)

Hoisted on your own petard.

Ooh. Don't try to say that

when you haven't got any lips.

l'm plastered.

- lf that's the right expression.

- Yes, that's the right expression.

You're a fraud and a liar. And you think

you are going to take advantage of me.

- Oh, no. You think l am.

- l know you are.

That's the plan, isn't it?

Feed me champagne, break down

the inhibitions, and tally-ho!

No more Virgin Queen.

Oh. We're all out of champagne.

- l'll get another bottle.

- Oh, no.

l prefer to remain conscious, so l may

view the attempted seduction at first hand.

Because you got

a surprise coming, Charlie.

l got friends in low places.

You make one pass at me

and l'll set him on you.

(whispers) Understand? lf he moves

a muscle... attack without mercy.

You see, Charlie?

You're outnumbered, two against one.

And l don't care if you can juggle.

- What?

- l didn't say anything.

Hm? Cat got your tongue?

(whispers) Got his tongue?

My friend says he hasn't got it.

Then why don't you say something?

l couldn't think of anything to say.

Why don't you kiss me again?

All right.

You know what, Charlie?

l could feel that one.

Again.

lf l were my father, l'd have you tortured.

You know, if you were your father, l doubt

very much if l would've kissed you.

Good thinking, Charlie.

Then, now that we've

straightened out who l am,

what are you going to do about it?

(Dala laughs)

What kind of a friend are you?

You were supposed to attack.

No friends, Charlie.

Now you got me outnumbered.

l thought we were friends.

You're the Juggler.

l'm the Virgin Queen.

Somebody's got to win.

Friends don't act like that.

Want to be friends, Charlie?

Or want to win?

Do you really want to know?

No.

Oh, Charlie!

What's wrong?

l don't feel... l think l'm going...

Goodbye, Charlie.

Dala.

Darling.

Dala?

Ma'am?

Your Highness.

Thank you. Up!

There we are.

Hello, Uncle Charles.

George!

Hello. Good morning.

Listen, what about this nephew?

- How did you find out?

- l met him in the bar.

- That's what l was trying to explain.

- What happened?

- Jacques. He found me.

- l looked everywhere for you.

l looked for you.

l nearly climbed in bed with your nephew.

- You what?

- Don't worry, l took care of it.

Phew! He had a heavy night.

l almost put the princess in bed with him.

- Really?

- What you got there?

A note. ''Uncle Charles... Dear Uncle

Charles, don't worry about a thing.''

''l've gone to see the princess

to apologise for last night.''

Apologise for what?

That must have been embarrassing,

expecting one man and...

She didn't expect anybody. She had

some champagne and had to rest awhile.

- Of course.

- Think of him taking over my room!

- Didn't you know he was coming?

- No.

- But who is he? What is he?

- He is my nephew, really.

He's my late brother's son. l've been

responsible for him since he was ten.

l sent him to all the best schools

in America. He did very well.

He's just graduated from college. Look.

- lsn't he a bit old for school?

- He did two years in the army.

Then he lost another year

through some tropical disease.

He's certainly attractive.

A slight family resemblance.

But we have nothing in common.

He's dedicated to education. He was top

of his class, cares nothing about sports,

and in all his letters

he's never mentioned girls.

He may not have, but he's got

a good idea what they are.

- l nearly didn't get out of here.

- You're joking!

No. lt was a relief to get back

to Jacques and his fiddle.

lf we don't do something,

he'll ruin everything.

You mean, if l don't do something.

He's just a young man

who's not been out in the world.

Because he's been spending

all his time in the bedroom.

- l'm surprised at you!

- l can handle it.

As a matter of fact,

it might be intriguing.

Particularly if the resemblance

goes deeper than you think.

- l'm envious.

- lt seems that we're in the same spot.

You envy George, and l envy the princess.

l don't know what l'm going to do. l might

go back to college and get my doctorate.

But l'm torn.

There's so many things to be done, so

many countries where l might be useful.

l've even been considering

the Peace Corps.

You're certainly not much like your uncle.

l don't know much about him,

except what l've read in the newspapers.

- But one mustn't judge by that.

- No?

No. After all, whatever l am today,

he made it possible.

Everyone has at least

one redeeming quality.

Yes.

Good morning, Your Highness. Hair of the

dog. May l present Madame Clouseau?

- This is my nephew, George.

- We met at the bar last night.

- How is your cough?

- lt's completely gone.

Ma'am, you should have some of this.

lt'll put everything in perspective.

My perspective is excellent this morning.

l see your leg is much better.

lt's a vast improvement, thank you.

George and l had a family reunion, after

we carried you home. He's quite a lad.

- So l've discovered.

- He may be joining the Peace Corps.

lmagine, a Lytton in the Peace Corps.

You'll give the family a good name.

- Please, sit down.

- No.

l was on my way to ski

when l ran into Sir Charles. Do you ski?

Ski? No, not very well.

You should learn. lf it wasn't for this leg,

l'd take you in hand.

l'm hardly in your uncle's class, but

l'd be happy to give you my experience.

l'm sure Madame is an excellent teacher.

She can get you started out right.

- lf it wouldn't be too much trouble, yeah.

- Not at all. lt would be a pleasure.

Perhaps you'd like to come along now?

- You can't pass up an invitation like that.

- l haven't got the clothes or any skis.

The shop'll fix you up.

Just charge everything to me.

Thanks. Your Highness,

l hope to see you again.

lf you're back early.

l'm leaving on the afternoon train.

- Have a nice trip.

- Thank you.

- Thanks, Uncle Charles.

- Have fun.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Mind the instructor,

she knows what she's doing.

- Not staying?

- No, we're off to the slopes.

- So long, Uncle Charles.

- Have fun.

Just in time. You sure you won't join me?

Quite sure.

- Do you have to leave this afternoon?

- Yes.

- lsn't this departure rather sudden?

- Not at all. Why do you think so?

l just thought that after last night...

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