The Pink Panther Page #7

- Be careful. l can't see a thing.

- Tucker! Tucker, where are you? Tucker!

- Tucker?

- Watch where you're going!

Hey, Tucker!

Tucker, Tucker, Tucker.

(crash)

Tucker, Tucker.

lt's hell in here.

A candle. Tucker!

- Waiter, have you got a match?

- Yes, sir.

Quick, quick. Quick.

Ah!

Tucker. Tucker.

Tucker. Tucker.

(screaming)

What kind of a candle is this?

- ln there. George is in a gorilla suit.

- Gorilla?

Good luck.

(Lord Cravenwood) ## Rule Britannia!

Britannia rules the waves

## Britons never, never,

never shall be slaves

## Oh, rule Britannia!

Britannia rules the waves

Oh, l say!

Tucker. Tucker. Tucker.

lnspector. lnspector.

lnspector, Sir Charles is here.

- George?

- Uncle Charles?

- Have you got it?

- No. Haven't you?

No. And the safe's empty.

(George) What's that?

- (Charles) Somebody's being dishonest.

- (Clouseau) Follow me, men.

(Clouseau) You idiots! Get away from me.

Help me to my feet, someone. Mr Tucker!

After them. Come on, Tucker.

(Charles) Come back. lt's me!

(tyres screech)

(horn)

(tyres screech)

(horn)

(horn)

(Clouseau) Come on, now! Faster, faster!

Hurry. What's the matter with you?

Can't you drive this thing faster?

(horn)

(Clouseau) This is the road

they have gone up.

(horn)

(horn)

(horn)

- George, any idea how we get outta here?

- l don't know. l've been all over this place.

- How do we get out?

- You try the high road.

l'll take the high road,

you take the low road. So long.

Ciao, George.

(horn)

(Clouseau) l see them! That's them!

(brakes squeal)

(crash)

(horn blares continuously)

(Clouseau) Tucker! Tucker!

Then, when l was thrown out of college,

l made up my mind.

l decided to live a little.

l knew if l continued my academic life

l could depend upon that cheque of yours.

You know what l did?

l took a plush Hollywood apartment.

Surrounded myself with all of

the advantages of a wealthy bachelor.

And sent you glowing reports

of a brilliant academic career.

A certain amount of dishonesty is bound

to beget a certain amount of dishonesty.

- Hey.

- But, lnspector...

Come on, please. l have not much time.

(knock at door)

Better be right this time.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Everything all sharp and shiny?

The trial is set for tomorrow morning.

Shouldn't take too long.

- That sounds encouraging.

- Yes, it's encouraging for me.

- But bad for you.

- Have some coffee, lnspector.

You could save a lot of trouble

if you told me where the jewel is.

Tuck into some of

that porridge, lnspector.

- You refuse to cooperate?

- We've offered you porridge and coffee.

l am glad that you

are enjoying yourselves.

Because you're going to be here

for the next 20 years.

Madame Clouseau.

- Your Highness.

- Madame.

Won't you sit down?

l'll be brief. My husband feels

he has enough evidence

to prove that Sir Charles is the Phantom

and to convict George as his accomplice.

As l see it, they only have one chance.

What is that?

lf Your Highness were

to testify on their behalf,

somehow convince the jury that

they didn't even take the diamond.

- You surprise me, madame.

- l expect to.

And l'm taking the chance that you will

keep what l say in strict confidence.

- l think l can guess.

- lt's not too difficult.

Being the wife of lnspector Clouseau, you

could have been very helpful to Charles.

l have been.

Was stealing my dog all part of the plan?

That was the plan.

But l think you should know

that Charles wanted to call it off.

You've had it all the time. You stole it

before the international court decided.

l'd gladly sacrifice it to save Charles.

But it's not so simple.

Couldn't you say you just

found it on the grounds?

They'd claim he dropped it

making his escape.

No. To save Charles, we must prove

that someone else stole it.

But we'd never be able to do that.

l have an idea.

(man) The trial is in its third day.

Seldom in the history of ltalian law

has a trial created such excitement.

Thousands of people -

most of them women -

have gathered daily,

hoping to glimpse Sir Charles Lytton,

the man accused of being

the notorious Phantom.

The court adjourned yesterday,

as the defence investigated new evidence.

lt is rumoured that when

the court convenes today,

the defence will call a surprise witness.

The defence has only one witness,

Mr President.

Would you please call lnspector

Jacques Clouseau to the stand?

- Me, a defence witness?

- lnspector Clouseau.

Nothing to worry about, my darling.

You'll make fools out of them.

lnspector Clouseau,

you have testified under oath to certain

pertinent facts concerning this case.

Your testimony alone

has been the major factor

in casting suspicion on the defendant.

Aside from the Phantom himself, you are

the foremost authority on the Phantom.

l have made the Phantom my life's work.

You have testified that

the Phantom has been a guest

at the parties given by

Miss Angela Dunning.

Yes.

You have testified that it was either

during or sometime soon afterwards

that certain of

Miss Dunning's guests were robbed.

Yes.

- How many times did this happen?

- 16.

- 16 parties, 16 thefts?

- Yes.

And Sir Charles attended

all 16 of those parties?

- All of them.

- And how many parties did you attend?

- All of them.

- Oh, yes? Very interesting.

- You attended the first party?

- Yes.

The jewels were stolen

during or after the party?

- After.

- So, then, you knew they would be stolen.

- Yes.

- How did you know?

Because that is the modus operandi of

the Phantom. He always works that way.

l see.

Were the same people

always present at each party?

No. The guest list varied.

Outside of Sir Charles, was anybody else

always present at each of these parties?

Uh... no, no, no.

Only Sir Charles was present at

each party when there was a robbery?

- Yes, yes.

- l see.

- What about you?

- Me?

- Yes, you.

- What about me?

- You were there.

- Yes.

Then, Sir Charles was not the only one

always present at each party.

- What are you suggesting?

- l'm not suggesting anything... yet.

- Now, lnspector Clouseau?

- Hm?

How much money do you make?

- What has this got to do with it?

- Your salary.

How much does

a police inspector get paid?

Enough to buy your wife

a $10,000 mink coat?

No.

You're aware that your wife spent $7,000

at Yves Saint Laurent only last month?

- What?

- And two months before that, $4,000?

lmpossible.

We know that your wife spent $30,000

on clothes during the past year.

So my wife is frugal. She saves

out of the housekeeping money.

(laughter)

(bell)

$30,000 out of the housekeeping money?!

- Yes. We have been married for ten years.

- (laughter)

(bell)

At the time these robberies began, the

Phantom came into existence. Correct?

Yes. No! No, not correct.

Of course not correct. Of course...

Wait. You see...

(gasping)

(woman) lt's not Sir Charles.

He must be the Phantom!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes