The Pink Panther 2

I now bring to your attention

one of the most stunning treasures

in the British Library's entire collection.

The Magna Carta.

And now, over here,

perhaps the most cherished

ancient artifact in the Western world.

The Shroud of Turin.

The Imperial Sword!

Chief Inspector Dreyfus is here to see you.

- Chief Inspector.

- Sir.

I'm sure you know why you're here.

The British, the Italians and the Japanese

are assembling an elite squad

of their finest detectives,

an international Dream to track down this Tornado.

- And France will be represented?

- Exactly.

I am honored, but not surprised.

This is the culmination of my career.

The moment

that I've been waiting for all my life.

- No, no, no.

- Well, not all my life, perhaps...

- No, no.

- No. Nevertheless...

They want Clouseau, since he is

considered the top detective in the world.

We have been asked if Clouseau

is available to lead the Dream Team.

- Clouseau?

- Yes, yes.

- Is there something wrong?

- No, no, not at all.

Would you mind if I use your bathroom

just for a moment?

- Certainly.

- Thank you.

Clouseau.

I'm afraid, sir,

that Clouseau is currently occupied.

- What?

- I've assigned him to a mission

so important for our country

that I fear for our national security

if he was taken off it.

Clearly a violation.

Parking ticket.

What is this for?

Thirty-one centimeters from the curb,

nine centimeters too far.

Nine centimeters into

the seamy black underbelly of crime.

- You must take the ticket. Take it.

- Never!

You must take the ticket.

You're not wearing your seatbelt.

You are going to have to go

to traffic school.

Pardon me.

- Stop this car immediately.

- Okay.

Right.

- Are you finished yet?

- Complete and operational.

Chief Inspector,

your new system will monitor and record

every word and every movement

in this room.

So, if anyone breaks in, what happens?

Your office is linked to the elite

Black Berets. They will be here in seconds.

Sir, Inspector Clouseau is here to see you.

Send him in.

- Clouseau?

- I have to appoint him to the Dream Team.

- Clouseau?

- Don't ask, don't...

Good afternoon, Chief Inspector.

I'm here with my report.

This darn Medal of Honor.

You're so fortunate

you never got one, Chief Inspector.

You look so tidy having no honors

or other forms of distinguishing decor.

Why don't you wear it under your shirt,

you know, out of sight?

Brilliant idea, Chief Inspector.

That way it won't clang around.

Now, the parking ticket situation.

Over the last six weeks,

I've given out almost four parking tickets.

One at the muse, overtime.

And one, you'll recall, to you,

in violation of the bent-license-plate law.

- Yes, I recall.

- It's all there in the report.

Fascinating.

Well, I shall waste no time in reading it.

And just in case, I've deftly cataloged,

numbered and cross-referenced

each offense here in my little black book.

Now, Clouseau, you remember when I first

put you on that parking ticket detail...

Yes, you explained

it was a top level assignment.

And that if anyone ever asked you

if I was the one who had assigned you

to this incredibly important mission,

you would deny it.

Chief Inspector, I don't even know

what you are talking about.

Good work, Clouseau.

Now, to business.

I have been instructed to reassign you...

Clouseau?

Clouseau.

We were being recorded.

- The Black Berets.

- The password. What is the password?

- I don't know.

- Four, three...

- We weren't yet told.

...two, one.

Hamburger.

Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.

- The password was "hamburger"?

- No, "hamburger."

- I said "hamburger".

- No, you said "hamburger."

- Hamburger?

- Hamburger.

How did you know

that we were being recorded?

Easy, Inspector.

This pen emits a small beeping noise

whenever it detects microwaves.

- RadioShack. $12.

- What?

- How did you know the password?

- This little LED chip decodes passwords.

I had it attached to the back

of my Medal of Honor.

- RadioShack?

- EBay. I got this there, too.

- What do you think this is?

- A tape recorder?

No. It only looks like a tape-recorder.

It's actually a pen.

So you can write with it

and no one will know.

Bingo!

Now, you were saying, Inspector.

- You are being reassigned.

- Let me read your mind.

The Tornado is at large, and you want me

to protect the Pink Panther.

- No.

- No?

It is my job to protect the Pink Panther.

You've merely been reassigned

to the Dream Team.

That is quite an honor,

- but I cannot accept.

- What?

If Inspector Clouseau

were to leave France,

the Tornado would surely strike

at the Pink Panther.

- I'm guarding it!

- But...

Don't argue.

You fly to Kyoto in the morning.

But I can't fly.

In a plane!

- But still...

- That's an order.

Nicole.

You are traveling?

Yes, Inspector Dreyfus is sending me

on a very dangerous mission.

- For how long? When will you return?

- I will return when the criminal is caught.

It could be a month, it could be a year.

You understand, Nicole.

- Yes, yes, of course.

- Of course, we will have to stay apart.

If the criminal were to, say, kidnap you,

he would have power over me.

Why would he have power over you?

Well, because, well,

you are like a brother to me.

A hot, sexy brother in a dress.

Nicole, I hope you have forgiven me

for that one evening.

Yes, Inspector, it is forgotten.

- I have not forgotten.

- Neither have I.

So, even though, technically,

we are on duty,

do you think it would be all right

to share a bottle of wine?

I think it would be all right.

Then I will select the wine.

It is one of my specialties.

I would like to select my own wine.

And by the way,

I am Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Remember this face.

- This is a very special bottle.

- Delicious.

There was something about

burning down a restaurant

that ignited other, more illicit, fires.

- And I'm sorry about that.

- As am I. Terribly remorseful.

It was a night to remember

that we must forget.

We must never forget to not remember it.

And if we do remember it,

we must immediately forget it.

Now, let's have

a professional hug goodbye.

I'll be right there.

I'll see you in several months.

- No problem.

- And I do hope your hearing improves.

Ponton,

I'm worried about my leaving France.

The Tornado is rampant.

The Pink Panther is such a temptation,

and no Clouseau to protect it.

But you visited the museum yourself,

you checked the security.

- It's gonna be all right.

- Yes, I suppose you're right.

- Are you driving?

- I like to stay in practice.

- Okay.

- Remind me where the brakes are.

- Here. Yes.

- There?

- Yes.

- And then you turn here.

- Of course, yes.

- All right.

- And this turns it.

- Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

- Ponton.

- Yes?

- This case is very strange.

- How so, Inspector?

For 10 years,

the Tornado terrorized Europe,

stealing over a quarter of a billion dollars

worth of artifacts.

Then, for no reason, he suddenly stops.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes