The Pink Panther 2 Page #2

Maybe the Tornado thought

he had enough money.

If he had enough money, then why,

after 10 years of complete inactivity,

does he suddenly spring back into action?

London, the Magna Carta.

Italy, the sacred Shroud.

The Imperial Sword. Why now?

Why all of a sudden? Why? Why?

You need to calm down.

Hey!

What's the matter, Ponton?

You seem a little depressed today.

- Is it your wife again?

- Yes.

She still feels my job

takes up too much of my time.

The same old thing.

Next week is our 10th anniversary.

She thinks we should f*** tonight

Ponton, would you like me

to talk with her?

No.

I mean, this issue must be discussed

between husband and wife.

Well, you must explain to her

that we are men of the law.

Always living in the shadows.

Idiot.

I will miss you, Inspector.

I will miss you, too, Ponton.

- And, Ponton.

- Yes?

I am sorry you can't satisfy your wife.

"I am now leaving France."

This is a bad idea.

The legendary Pink Panther Diamond

has been stolen.

Officials suspect the perpetrator

is the infamous Tornado.

What'd I tell you?

The theft of the Pink Panther would be

the fourth high-profile crime...

Oh, my God! He was right.

The Dream Team was supposed to start

its investigations in Kyoto, Japan,

but it's just been diverted to Paris.

France is in shock.

The international Dream of detectives will begin...

I'm standing outside the Grand Palais

where the Pink Panther has been stolen.

Why are they cheering?

This is a national tragedy.

We live in a media age.

You must learn to adapt.

Then adapt I shall.

- Who do you think did this, Inspector?

- Inspector, any comment?

Tornado, I'm coming to get you.

One more.

Tornado, I'm coming to get you.

There's your one.

Good afternoon, Inspector.

The other detectives have already arrived.

They are waiting for you.

- I'm sorry, I don't remember your name.

- What?

- Yes. I am Nicole.

- Yes, so nice to see you again.

You, too, Inspector.

Well, enough of this foreplay.

Where are the other detectives?

Yes, they're outside f***ing

I hope no one has

tampered with your p*ssy

A crime scene is like a code.

You decipher it,

and it will lead inexorably to the criminal.

That is why it must always be kept

in pristine condition.

Good day. I'm Inspector Jacques Clouseau

of the French Police.

Vicenzo Roccara

Squarcialupi Brancaleone.

And your name?

Vicenzo Roccara

Squarcialupi Brancaleone.

That is your name. I thought you were

ordering in Italian. Once again.

Vicenzo Roccara

Squarcialupi Brancaleone.

Don Corleone.

I'm Kenji Mazuto.

Kenji Mazel Tov.

Randall Pepperidge.

And this is my associate Gilbert Ponton,

and this is Nicole.

Nicole is here to service your needs,

so feel free to use her

in any way you wish.

And now there is a crime scene waiting.

Excuse me. "El sceno de crimo."

- That is not Italian, and I do speak English.

- Really? Prove it.

Gentlemen, we first have to determine

how the crime was committed.

And as I am an expert at deduction...

- You are an expert at deduction?

- That is my field.

I believe deduction is my field

and since you are experiencing hip pain...

How did you know that?

One side of the sole of your shoe

is worn more than the other.

You're favoring your right leg.

Tell me, did you enjoy

your double espresso this morning?

- How did you...

- Your pupils are noticeably dilated.

And will you be moving out

of the Hotel Montmartre?

They are doing construction at night

around the Montmartre

so as not to disturb daytime traffic.

From your puffy eyes,

I deduce you spent a sleepless night.

Speaking of traffic,

are you enjoying your Smart car?

Your trousers are wrinkled

behind the knees.

And how do you think your favorite

football team, Arsenal, will do this year?

That matchbox is from

the only bar in Paris

that shows English football telecasts.

You have tissues in your shoes

to make you look taller.

You were 14 before you finally

learned to enjoy avocado.

Tell me, how did you enjoy

your trip to the airport this morning?

Now, how did you know that?

- Perhaps one of you should begin.

- Yes, this is silly.

You've recently lost

your favorite cheese grater.

You have an aversion to cow bells.

Stop the insanity and look at this.

Il Tornado is not as careful as he thinks.

Fingerprint. With this small piece of glass,

the case is practically solved.

This one has a fingerprint.

This one has a fingerprint, too.

This one has a fingerprint.

You don't need that.

You have plenty of fingerprint evidence.

Guard that.

What do we know about this man,

this Tornado.

Well, we know that he's a white male

between 50 and 65,

with a scar from a bullet hole

behind his right shoulder.

In 1996, the Tornado was shot right here

in France while trying to steal a gold vase.

Blood was found, and as a result,

his DNA has been on file for over 10 years

without a match.

I'm sorry I'm a bit late.

My flight was delayed.

You're Jacques Clouseau.

The Pink Panther detective.

This is such a thrill.

- And who is it that are you?

- I'm Sonia Solandres.

- Didn't anyone tell you that...

- Yes. I was informed.

- A last-minute addition to our team.

- That's right.

I've written a book

on the old Tornado crimes,

but I'm not sure

if I'm really gonna be much help here.

Technically speaking,

I'm not really a detective.

Welcome.

We can always use an extra mind.

Now, let me bring you up to speed.

We know nothing.

You are now up to speed.

In world news today,

members of the Dream Team gathered for

the first time in front of the Grand Palais

to start their investigations

into the Tornado thefts.

Inspector Clouseau had this to say.

Tornado, I'm coming to get you.

There's your one.

I was able to discover this Tornado

hacked the security system

from a remote location and turned off

all the alarms and surveillance scanners.

- Can you trace the source?

- Yes, but it will take time.

- You are new here?

- Yes, hello. Mrs. Berenger.

- I know who you are, Inspector.

- Do you?

Due to the media frenzy

surrounding this case,

I've been assigned to instruct employees

on political and social correctness.

It's always nice

to have a very sexy woman

clomping around the building

in high heels.

- You must never refer to a woman as sexy.

- But I was complimenting you.

No, Inspector, you must not comment

on a woman's body.

- I get it. I get it. I keep it to myself...

- Yes.

...when I am thinking...

- Inspector.

This will be an exercise

and I want you to concentrate.

And no matter what I say,

I want your expression to remain neutral.

That will be easy.

You're here in the corridor

at your employment,

and you see a very pretty young woman

walking toward you,

and her blouse is tight

and is rather bursting at the buttons,

and she drops her pencil,

and as she bends to retrieve it,

her blouse parts,

revealing the cleavage

of her soft, round, white mounds.

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