The Pirates of Somalia Page #10

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will reach the Western people.

I know.

- Now I see why you stare

out here in the morning.

It's a different view.

- This is real?

- What?

- You in my bedroom?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- I needed to talk to you.

What's all this?

- These are the plot points

to my book.

Um, I like to write everything

down, keep it all organized.

- [chuckles] You're a crazy man

to come here to write,

you know that?

- I'm not the one who snuck

in past security into my room.

- Well, I've come to warn you.

My husband is responsible for

the attacks on the Americans.

- Garaad?

- And he plans

on retaliating

against the Americans

for killing his crew.

If you stay here,

you will most certainly die.

- Um, does he know

I'm Canadian?

- I don't think

that will matter much.

- [sighs]

- This card bears my name.

What does it say?

- You don't read English?

- Not so well.

- That card says that, um,

you're the hottest drug dealer

in the world.

- Is that what it says?

- Yes.

- I like that.

Well...

this is my number.

Don't text me. I like voices.

- Me too.

- And please, if you can,

send me movies or magazines

that shows my people

for who they really are.

I'm tired of watching fools

pretending they are Somalis

in "Black Hawk Down."

- Deal.

- Okay.

[light music]

- The next morning Garaad

claimed credit for the attack

on the Maersk Alabama

and said,

"I vow to attack any ship

flying an American flag

for the retaliation of the

brutal killing of our friends."

Within hours he delivered

on his words

by attacking the

humanitarian relief vessel,

the MV Liberty's Son,

with rocket-propelled grenades.

My time to leave had come.

Yo! [speaking Somali].

- [speaking Somali].

- Hey,

[speaking Somali]

- Yeah! [speaking Somali].

- I got her number.

[imitates explosion]

Yeah!

Colonel, thank you

for your protection.

- I will do anything

for Reer Jarfale, son of Levish.

- [laughs]

All right.

[children chanting

in Somali]

[somber music]

- Don't worry, man.

I will look for you

on the bestseller list.

I am sure of it.

- Mm.

What, is this a offensive

gesture to Somalis?

- No, it's not offensive.

Even this is not offensive,

you see?

- What?

- I was messing

with you that day.

- Six months?

You didn't tell me?

- The look on your face.

- I'm doing this forever.

- What this thing mean?

- This means hope.

- Hope?

- Yes.

- Okay, I will spread

that message.

- Please do.

- Yes. Take care

[singing in Somali]

- [speaking Somali]

- They say in Somalia,

every man is his own sultan.

Then in my mind, Abdi was

a glorious kind among sultans.

[phone buzzing]

Upon landing back in the cell

zone known as Toronto, Canada,

I got 234 unopened

text messages.

165 were from news services

offering

to buy my Garaad interview.

Eight were from publishers

wanting to buy my book rights,

and four of them

were from Tracy.

I decided if she really

wanted to know

what was going on in my life,

she could read about it.

- Excuse me.

Can I see your passport?

- Passport?

- Follow me, please.

- Hello, Mr. Bahadur.

- Hello.

- My name's Agent Brice.

I'm with CSIS.

- Okay. Uh, is--am I in

some sort of trouble?

- Quite the opposite.

We're very anxious to learn

if you could give us any insight

that you may have gained

while in Somalia.

- Wait, you want me

to give you insight?

- Look, uh, both the U.S.

and the Canadian intelligence

are basically flying blind

in the region,

so we could use some help.

- Oh, my God.

Wow. Okay.

[phone buzzing]

Uh, this--my parents are, uh,

doing the circling thing.

- Right, okay. All right,

well, uh, tell you what.

Why don't you give me a call

when you're settled in?

- Toronto had stayed perfectly

intact despite my absence.

I couldn't vouch for

the napkin patterns

inside each home we drove past,

but I had to guess

my painstaking research

did little to alter

the landscape.

- We don't want to upset you.

We did not know

how to tell you this.

- Jared's been living

in the basement.

- What?

- Well, you've been gone

for six months, sweetheart.

So, you know, um, he's sleeping

because he has exams

in the morning,

so it's best that you enter

through the front door.

- Can I still use the shower,

or are the pipes

gonna wake him too?

- I think tonight we can

make an exception.

all:
F*** Harvard!

- Oh, my God!

[all speaking at once]

- F*** Harvard!

[indistinct shouting]

- I've never heard

you swear before.

- Yeah, well, it's true.

F*** 'em.

My Jay beat all the odds,

and you're gonna

win the Pulitzer

from writing it in our basement.

- To Jay and his f***ing

basement Pulitzer!

- Yeah!

[shouting]

- Who's idea

was "F*** Harvard?"

- Bahadur, you better tell me

you got laid at least

once over there,

or I'm leaving.

On second thought,

don't tell me.

Booze is too good to leave.

[cheering]

- You guys want to see

something really cool?

- Wow.

You should see

what he does with the bottle.

- Would I like mine

so--hey, man.

- What are you mumbling about?

- Well, I'm just thinking

aloud, you know?

- Okay. I like that.

I like that.

- So what's next, Bahadur?

- Next?

- What's gonna keep you from

spending all your nights

in the shadow of those guys?

- Well, I got a ton of work

to do on the book.

- After the book?

- After?

- Yeah.

- Take a look at that.

- 70-year-old men don't get

handed f***ing business cards

for a reason unless

it's a last rites priest.

What's it say?

- Agent T. Brice, CSIS.

- CSIS?

- Yeah.

- They talked to you?

- Yes, they did.

- What'd they say?

- They were anxious to listen

to what I learned over there.

- Anxious, huh?

- Mm-hmm.

- Anxious?

- Mm-hmm.

- Could bring an opportunity.

- That's what I think.

- Oh.

- Hmm?

- Christ, you haven't smoked

this f***er yet?

- Not yet.

I've been tempted though.

- You're hopeless.

- Give me the f***ing thing.

[speaking Somali]

- That's Somali?

- Yes.

- What does it mean?

- "Tonight, we drink."

- Oh, that's good to hear.

I thought you were gonna say,

"Tonight we f***."

- Please have a seat.

- Thank you.

- State your name and work

position for the committee.

- Sure.

My name is Jay Bahadur.

I'm a Canadian citizen

currently living

in Nairobi, Kenya.

I'm running

"The Somalia Report,"

which is the largest and in fact

the only English-language

news site devoted to Somalia.

- Mr. Bahadur, you're

considered

one of the foremost experts

on Somali piracy, are you not?

- I have some knowledge, sir.

- Some knowledge

would be an understatement.

Your book on piracy's currently

on "The New York Times'"

bestseller list, is it not?

- Yes, that's true, sir.

- In your opinion,

what's the most

effective way for us

to combat

this current piracy trend

and make shipping lanes

safe for our vessels?

- Well, that's a very

general question, sir.

- Well, your best answer's

all we ask, sir.

- Okay.

I know there's a lot

of collective knowledge

in this room, so I apologize

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