The Princess and the Frog Page #4

TIANA:

Those aren't logs.

(ALLIGATOR SNARLING)

(SCREAMS)

(CHUCKLES) I got dibs on the big one.

ALLIGATOR 1:

Where'd they go?

ALLIGATOR 2:
Where'd they go?

ALLIGATOR 3:
I saw him first!

ALLIGATOR 4:
Come here,

you plump, tasty morsel!

ALLIGATOR 3:

That's my tail, pea brain!

ALLIGATOR 1:

Where did they go? Come on!

NAVEEN:

Psst!

Lower the vine.

Find your own tree.

-There he is!

-I see him! I see him!

All right. Look, look.

Help me get out of this swamp,

and once I marry Charlotte,

I shall get you your restaurant.

You're going to taste so good

basted and battered and fried!

Quick, quick! Pull me up!

ALLIGATOR 1:
(LAUGHS)

You can hop, but you can't hide.

ALLIGATOR 3:

We got all night.

(ALLIGATORS LAUGHING)

NAVEEN:
Well, waitress, looks like

we're going to be here for a while.

So we may as well get comfortable.

(NAVEEN GROANS)

TIANA:
Keep your slimy self

away from me!

I told you, it is not slime! It is mucus!

(SNORING)

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)

TIANA:
Rise and shine,

sleeping beauty! Gators are gone.

What?

We got to get back to New Orleans

and undo this mess you got us into.

I was not the one parading around

with a phony-baloney tiara.

Music to paddle by.

I could use a little help.

Oh! I will play a little louder.

(PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE)

How about a little less picking and a...

(GASPS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

I know that tune! Dippermouth Blues!

(PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE)

Play it, brother!

Oh, yeah!

(EXCLAIMING)

Where you been all my life?

Where did you learn to play like that?

Why, the bayou's the best jazz school

in the world.

All the greats play the riverboats.

Old Louis would give anything to be

up there jamming with the big boys.

-Why don't you?

-Oh, I tried once.

(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

It didn't end well.

Uh-huh. It has been a real pleasure

meeting you, Louis.

And thank you kindly for not eating us,

but we best be on our way.

Where... Where y'all going?

To find somebody to break this spell.

What spell?

Brace yourself, my scaly friend.

We are not frogs.

We are humans.

(LAUGHING)

Y'all serious?

I am Naveen, Prince of Maldonia.

And she is Tiana, the waitress.

(SOFTLY) Do not kiss her.

(GASPS) Now, just a second.

This goon here got himself turned into

a frog by a voodoo man, and now...

Voodoo? Like the kind Mama Odie do?

Mama who-dee?

Mama Odie.

She the voodoo queen of the bayou.

She got magic and spells,

all kind of hoodoo.

-Could you take us to her?

-Could you take us to her?

(GASPS) Through the deepest,

darkest part of the bayou?

Facing razor-sharp pricker bushes

and trappers and hunters with guns?

No.

(PLAYING SOULFUL TUNE)

Watch and learn.

Louis, it is too bad we cannot help you

with your dream.

If only you were smaller, less toothy,

you could play jazz to adoring crowds

without scaring them.

(STOPS PLAYING)

Anyway, enjoy your loneliness,

my friend.

(BIDS GOODBYE

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Cute, but it's not going to...

Hey, guys, I just had me a crazy idea!

What if I ask Mama Odie

to turn me human?

Louis! You are a genius!

Hallelujah!

(PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE)

(SINGING) If I were a human being

I'd head straight for New Orleans

And I'd blow this horn

so hot and strong

Like no one they've ever seen

You heard of Louis Armstrong

Mr. Sidney Bechet

All those boys gonna step aside

when they hear this old ex-gator play

Listen

Oh, yeah!

(BOTH YELP)

When I'm human

as I hope to be

I'm gonna blow this horn

till the cows come home

And everyone's gonna

bow down to me

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, thank you. I love you, too, baby.

When I'm myself again

I want just the life I had

A great big party every night

That doesn't sound too bad

A redhead on my left arm

A brunette on my right

A blonde or 2 to hold the candles

Now that seems just about right

Eh, Louis?

Life is short

When you're done, you're done

We're on this earth to have some fun

-And that's the way things are

- Tell it, brother!

When I'm human, and I'm gonna be

I'm gonna tear it up like I did before

And that's a royal guarantee

You are getting married!

Oh, right.

I'll just have to leave

a string of broken hearts behind me!

Your modesty becomes you

and your sense of responsibility

I've worked hard for everything I've got

And that's the way it's supposed to be

When I'm a human being

at least I'll act like one

If you do your best

each and every day

Good things are sure

to come your way

What you give is what you get

My daddy said that and I'll never forget

And I commend it to you

When we're human

And we're gonna be

I'm gonna blow my horn

I'm gonna live the high life

I'm gonna do my best

to take my place in the sun

When we're

Human

CHARLOTTE:
Prince Naveen, dear,

I am positively mortified

you had to endure

that frog fiasco last night.

Well, when you're next in line

for the throne,

you're poised like a panther,

ready to expect the unexpected.

(BOTH SNARL)

(EXCLAIMS)

Your ear?

What? Oh!

(WHIMPERS)

(LAUGHS)

Those pesky mosquitoes.

They're everywhere. Please.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Miss Charlotte, I can no longer ignore

the throbbing of my

heart.

Even though our time together

has been brief, it's been heavenly!

Land sakes, Prince Naveen!

You got me blushing like a...

Would you do me the honor of

becoming Princess of Maldonia?

Are you serious?

As the plague.

Yes!

I most definitely will marry you!

There's so much to plan!

I mean, the guest list,

the dress, the music,

the flowers, the shoes...

(SQUEALS)

We're going to have ourselves

a Mardi Gras wedding!

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

No!

What do we do now?

Because somebody let

our froggy prince go, Larry,

I'm reduced to asking for help

from my friends on the other side.

Now, this restaurant of yours,

is it going to have touffe?

Jambalaya, gumbo.

It's going to have it all.

I've always wanted to try red beans

and rice, muffulettas, po' boys.

Stop, Louis.

You two are making me so very hungry.

Interesting.

What are you doing?

(SOFTLY) Shh!

You are frightening the food.

(LAUGHS)

This is harder than it looks.

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

What? Oh, no. No, no, no.

There is no way I am kissing a frog

and eating a bug on the same day.

(SHOUTS)

(MUFFLED) No! No, no.

-Hello.

-Hold still.

Stop moving!

You are making this very difficult!

Y'all find anything to eat yet? Oh, my.

Hang on. Old Louis got it covered.

NAVEEN:
No, no...

TIANA:
Don't...

LOUIS:

How's that?

This could be a little better.

You know what this needs?

A sharp stick! Be right back.

(SCATTING)

-This is all your fault.

-My fault? My fault...

Let me tell you something.

I was having a wonderful time until...

Coo! Well, looky here!

Girl, I guess you and your boyfriend

got a little carried away. Am I right?

-Oh, no, no!

-Do not be ridiculous!

-He's not my boyfriend!

-I am the Prince of Maldonia!

Let me shine a little light

on the situation.

(FARTS)

Excuse me. One more time now.

(GRUNTING)

That's more better. Yeah.

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