
The Princess Bride Page #22
THE KID:
Who kills Prince Humperdinck? At
the end, somebody's got to do it.
Is it Inigo? Who?
GRANDFATHER:
Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
90.
THE KID:
You mean he wins? Jesus, Grandpa!
What did you read me this thing
for?
And he desperately fights for control.
GRANDFATHER:
You know, you've been very sick
and you're taking this story very
seriously. I think we better stop
now.
He closes the book and starts to get up.
THE KID:
(shaking his head)
No! I'm okay. I'm okay.
(gestures toward the chair)
-- sit down. All right?
GRANDFATHER:
Okay.
(sitting and opening
the book again)
All right, now, let's see. Where
were we? Oh yes. In the Pit of
Despair.
CUT TO:
INIGO, IN DESPAIR
We're back in the Pit, the same shot as before. For a
moment, he just sags.
INIGO:
Well, we Montoyas have never
taken defeat easily. Come along,
Fezzik. Bring the body.
FEZZIK:
The body?
INIGO:
(not stopping)
Have you any money?
FEZZIK:
I have a little.
INIGO:
I just hope it's enough to buy a
miracle, that's all.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
91.
As Fezzik takes the corpse, follows Inigo up the stairs --
CUT TO:
A HOVEL - DUSK
Inigo, FEZZIK, Westley approach the door. They knock. From
inside the hovel a little man's voice is heard. If Mel
Brooks' Year Old Man was really old, he'd resemble this guy.
LITTLE OLD GUY:
(off-screen)
Go away!
Inigo pounds again.
MIRACLE MAX:
(opening a small
window in the door)
What? What?
INIGO:
Are you the Miracle Max who
worked for the King all those
years?
MIRACLE MAX:
The King's stinking son fired me.
And thank you so much for bringing
up such a painful subject. While
you're at it, why don't you give
me a nice paper cut and pour
lemon juice on it? We're closed!
He shuts the window. They rap on the door.
MIRACLE MAX:
(opening the window)
Beat it or I'll call the Brute
Squad.
FEZZIK:
I'm on the Brute Squad.
MIRACLE MAX:
(looking at the Giant)
You are the Brute Squad.
INIGO:
We need a miracle. It's very
important.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
92.
MIRACLE MAX:
Look, I'm retired. And besides,
why would you want someone the
King's stinking son fired? I
might kill whoever you wanted me
to miracle.
INIGO:
He's already dead.
MIRACLE MAX:
(for the first time, interested)
He is, eh? I'll take a look.
Bring him in.
He unlocks the door and lets them in.
CUT TO:
INIGO AND FEZZIK
hurrying inside. FEZZIK carries Westley who is just starting
to stiffen up a little. He lays Westley down across a bench
by the fireplace, picks Westley's arm up and lets it drop
limp.
MIRACLE MAX:
I've seen worse.
He studies Westley a moment, checking here, checking there.
INIGO:
Sir. Sir.
MIRACLE MAX:
Hah?
INIGO:
We're really in a terrible rush.
MIRACLE MAX:
(He takes nothing from nobody)
Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a
miracle man, you get rotten
miracles. You got money?
INIGO:
Sixty-five.
MIRACLE MAX:
Sheesh! I never worked for so
little, except once, and that was
a very noble cause.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
93.
INIGO:
This is noble, sir.
(pointing to Westley, remorseful)
His wife is crippled. His children
are on the brink of starvation.
MIRACLE MAX:
Are you a rotten liar.
INIGO:
I need him to help avenge my
father, murdered these twenty
years.
MIRACLE MAX:
Your first story was better.
(looking around)
Where's that bellows?
(spots it)
He probably owes you money, huh?
Well, I'll ask him.
He goes to get a huge bellows.
INIGO:
(stupefied)
He's dead. He can't talk.
MIRACLE MAX:
Look who knows so much. Well, it
just so happens that your friend
here is only mostly dead. There's
a big difference between mostly
dead and all dead. Please open
his mouth.
Inigo does. Max inserts the bellows in Westley's mouth and
starts to pump.
MIRACLE MAX:
Now, mostly dead is slightly
alive. Now, all dead...well, with
all dead, there's usually only
one thing that you can do.
INIGO:
What's that?
He stops pumping.
MIRACLE MAX:
Go through his clothes and look
for loose change.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
94.
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"The Princess Bride" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 16 Mar. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_princess_bride_670>.
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