The Princess Bride Page #22

THE KID:

Who kills Prince Humperdinck? At

the end, somebody's got to do it.

Is it Inigo? Who?

GRANDFATHER:

Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives.

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90.

THE KID:

You mean he wins? Jesus, Grandpa!

What did you read me this thing

for?

And he desperately fights for control.

GRANDFATHER:

You know, you've been very sick

and you're taking this story very

seriously. I think we better stop

now.

He closes the book and starts to get up.

THE KID:

(shaking his head)

No! I'm okay. I'm okay.

(gestures toward the chair)

-- sit down. All right?

GRANDFATHER:

Okay.

(sitting and opening

the book again)

All right, now, let's see. Where

were we? Oh yes. In the Pit of

Despair.

CUT TO:

INIGO, IN DESPAIR

We're back in the Pit, the same shot as before. For a

moment, he just sags.

INIGO:

Well, we Montoyas have never

taken defeat easily. Come along,

Fezzik. Bring the body.

FEZZIK:

The body?

INIGO:

(not stopping)

Have you any money?

FEZZIK:

I have a little.

INIGO:

I just hope it's enough to buy a

miracle, that's all.

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91.

As Fezzik takes the corpse, follows Inigo up the stairs --

CUT TO:

A HOVEL - DUSK

Inigo, FEZZIK, Westley approach the door. They knock. From

inside the hovel a little man's voice is heard. If Mel

Brooks' Year Old Man was really old, he'd resemble this guy.

LITTLE OLD GUY:

(off-screen)

Go away!

Inigo pounds again.

MIRACLE MAX:

(opening a small

window in the door)

What? What?

INIGO:

Are you the Miracle Max who

worked for the King all those

years?

MIRACLE MAX:

The King's stinking son fired me.

And thank you so much for bringing

up such a painful subject. While

you're at it, why don't you give

me a nice paper cut and pour

lemon juice on it? We're closed!

He shuts the window. They rap on the door.

MIRACLE MAX:

(opening the window)

Beat it or I'll call the Brute

Squad.

FEZZIK:

I'm on the Brute Squad.

MIRACLE MAX:

(looking at the Giant)

You are the Brute Squad.

INIGO:

We need a miracle. It's very

important.

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92.

MIRACLE MAX:

Look, I'm retired. And besides,

why would you want someone the

King's stinking son fired? I

might kill whoever you wanted me

to miracle.

INIGO:

He's already dead.

MIRACLE MAX:

(for the first time, interested)

He is, eh? I'll take a look.

Bring him in.

He unlocks the door and lets them in.

CUT TO:

INIGO AND FEZZIK

hurrying inside. FEZZIK carries Westley who is just starting

to stiffen up a little. He lays Westley down across a bench

by the fireplace, picks Westley's arm up and lets it drop

limp.

MIRACLE MAX:

I've seen worse.

He studies Westley a moment, checking here, checking there.

INIGO:

Sir. Sir.

MIRACLE MAX:

Hah?

INIGO:

We're really in a terrible rush.

MIRACLE MAX:

(He takes nothing from nobody)

Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a

miracle man, you get rotten

miracles. You got money?

INIGO:

Sixty-five.

MIRACLE MAX:

Sheesh! I never worked for so

little, except once, and that was

a very noble cause.

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93.

INIGO:

This is noble, sir.

(pointing to Westley, remorseful)

His wife is crippled. His children

are on the brink of starvation.

MIRACLE MAX:

Are you a rotten liar.

INIGO:

I need him to help avenge my

father, murdered these twenty

years.

MIRACLE MAX:

Your first story was better.

(looking around)

Where's that bellows?

(spots it)

He probably owes you money, huh?

Well, I'll ask him.

He goes to get a huge bellows.

INIGO:

(stupefied)

He's dead. He can't talk.

MIRACLE MAX:

Look who knows so much. Well, it

just so happens that your friend

here is only mostly dead. There's

a big difference between mostly

dead and all dead. Please open

his mouth.

Inigo does. Max inserts the bellows in Westley's mouth and

starts to pump.

MIRACLE MAX:

Now, mostly dead is slightly

alive. Now, all dead...well, with

all dead, there's usually only

one thing that you can do.

INIGO:

What's that?

He stops pumping.

MIRACLE MAX:

Go through his clothes and look

for loose change.

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94.

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