The Princess Bride Page #23

He starts pumping again.

MIRACLE MAX:

(to Westley)

Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What's

so important? What you got here

that's worth living for?

And he presses lightly on Westley's chest.

WESTLEY:

... tr ... oooo .... luv...

Everybody stares at Westley lying there on the bench.

INIGO:

True love. You heard him. You

could not ask for a more noble

cause than that.

MIRACLE MAX:

Sonny, true love is the greatest

thing in the world. Except for a

nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and

tomato sandwich, where the mutton

is nice and lean and the tomato

is ripe. They're so perky, I love

that. But that's not what he said.

He distinctly said "to blave."

And, as we all know, "to blave"

means "to bluff." So you're

probably playing cards, and he

cheated

A WOMAN'S VOICE

-- Liar -- LIAR-LI-A-A-AR --

VALERIE, an ancient fury, storms out of a back room and

toward

MIRACLE MAX:

-- get back, witch --

VALERIE:

I'm not a witch, I'm your wife.

But after what you just said, I'm

not even sure I want to be that

anymore.

MIRACLE MAX:

You never had it so good.

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95.

VALERIE:

"True love." He said, "true

love," Max. My God --

MIRACLE MAX:

(retreating)

Don't say another word, Valerie.

VALERIE:

(turning to Inigo and Fezzik)

He's afraid. Ever since Prince

Humperdinck fired him, his

confidence is shattered.

MIRACLE MAX:

Why'd you say that name -- you

promised me that you would never

say that name --

VALERIE:

(pursuing him now)

What, Humperdinck? Humperdinck.

Humperdinck. Ooo-ooo, Humperdinck

MIRACLE MAX:

(holding his hands

over his ears)

I'm not listening.

VALERIE:

A life expiring and you don't

have the decency to say why you

won't help --

MIRACLE MAX:

Nobody's hearing nothing!

VALERIE:

Humperdinck. Humperdinck!

Humperdinck!

INIGO:

-- But this is Buttercup's true

love -- If you heal him, he will

stop Humperdinck's wedding.

VALERIE:

Humperdinck. Humperdinck --

MIRACLE MAX:

(to Valerie)

Shut up --

(now to Inigo)

Wait. Wait. I make him better,

Humperdinck suffers?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

96.

INIGO:

Humiliations galore!

MIRACLE MAX:

That is a noble cause. Give me

the sixty-five, I'm on the job.

And as Valerie shrieks excitedly we

CUT TO:

THIS LUMP:

It is somewhat smaller than a tennis ball.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL MAX AND VALERIE, exhausted, looking at

the lump with beautific pleasure, as Valerie, cooking

utensil in hand, covers the thing with what looks like

chocolate. Inigo and FEZZIK stare at the thing too, but more

dubiously.

INIGO:

(a little appalled)

That's a miracle pill?

Max nods.

VALERIE:

(finishing)

The chocolate coating makes it go

down easier. But you have to wait

fifteen minutes for full potency.

And you shouldn't go swimming

after, for at least, what?

MIRACLE MAX:

An hour.

VALERIE:

Yeah, an hour.

MIRACLE MAX:

A good hour. Yeah.

Inigo accepts the pill as FEZZIK takes Westley, who is stiff

as a board now.

INIGO:

(heading out the door,

Fezzik close behind)

Thank you for everything.

MIRACLE MAX:

Okay.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

97.

VALERIE:

(waving after them)

Bye-bye, boys.

MIRACLE MAX:

Have fun storming the castle.

VALERIE:

(to Max)

Think it'll work?

MIRACLE MAX:

It would take a miracle. Bye!

VALERIE:

Bye.

And as they wave, trying to look happy we --

CUT TO:

FEZZIK, INIGO, AND WESTLEY

on the top of the outer wall of the castle. They look down

to the front gate of the castle. The sixty Brutes are visible.

FEZZIK is thunderstruck by how many Brutes there are. Upset,

he turns to Inigo, who is concentrating unsuccessfully,

trying to prop Westley against the wall.

FEZZIK:

Inigo -- there's more than

thirty --

INIGO:

(absolutely unfazed)

What's the difference?

(indicating the half-

dead Westley)

We've got him. Help me here.

We'll have to force feed him.

FEZZIK:

Has it been fifteen minutes?

INIGO:

We can't wait -- the wedding's in

half an hour and we must strike

in the hustle and the bustle

beforehand.

During this, FEZZIK, using all his strength, has managed to

get Westley into a right angled sitting position, while

Inigo brings out the miracle pill.

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98.

INIGO:

Tilt his head back. Open his mouth.

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