The Private Life of Don Juan Page #4

Why not?

Leave off while they still think of you

as you were.

- Were?

- Ten years ago.

Before these wrinkles,

these lines, these gray hairs.

You'd spoil any party,

even a funeral.

- Water, ladies?

- [ Sobbing Continues ]

-[ Tolling Continues ]

- Nice, fresh water.

Water.

Excuse me, madame.

Did you ever see my poor friend Don Juan?

No, sir, but I had hoped to see him

at my cousin's next month.

And you, seora, did you know him?

[ Leporello ]

You have no reason to be here then.

I have a very good reason, sir.

I've often dreamed of him.

Simply amazing.

I never knew I was such a great fellow.

[ Laughing ]

[ Women Sobbing ]

- Who's the fat fellow over there?

- Cardono, the playwright.

[ Chattering, Shouting Continue ]

No, no, no, my friend,

this is a great sight.

Women and women and women!

The eternal hunger of women for love.

Every woman must have a sense of gratitude

for the man who brought love...

to so many of her sisters.

What would you say, then, was the cause

of Don Juan's great success?

- First, dull husbands.

- [ Laughs ] Second?

A careful avoidance

of all intelligent women.

[ Laughing ] I must write a play

about him one of these days.

Do you want me to collect all the details

of his romantic life?

Romantic?

What was there romantic...

in spending his life telling women

they are everything they are not?

Only fools have the time

to be great lovers.

Well, in all events I hope you have

one good thing to say in favor of women.

One - In most cases it is the man

who has to walk home.

[ Laughing ]

Look!

Antonita, the dancer!

[ Whispering ]

- [ Sighs ]

- Oh, Antonita.

Courage.

Be brave, little one.

[ Speaking, Indistinct ]

[ Sobbing ]

Oh, don't say a word.

I want to die.

[ Woman ]

Be brave, little one.

This has been the greatest day of my life,

but there'll be one even greater.

- When?

- When I come back.

If women grieve so at my funeral, can you

imagine what's going to happen when I return?

[ Laughs ]

Good-bye, Leporello.

[ Chattering, Shouting Continue ]

[ Women Sobbing ]

[ Crowd Murmuring ]

- What right have you got to be here?

- Same as you!

Nobody asked you! He never kissed you!

It was an impudent lie!

Yes, 'twas a lie. Don Juan told me so himself.

It was only publicity.

- He did not!

- And who are you to give orders here?

Who am I? Don Juan said I was the girl whose kiss

he'd been seeking on a thousand women's lips.

I was the only one. He'd never loved

anybody else in his life but me.

[ Laughs ] He loved you so much that

he went straight from you to another woman?

- Oh! That was a previous engagement.

- But that's why they killed him.

That's why they killed him -

because he loved me!

He said, " Good night, Antonita.

I'll tell her if I have to die for it.''

He loved me

and loathed old women like you.

- Cat!

- Cow!

- Snake!

- Pig!

- Toad!

- Weasel!

- Worm!

- [ Screams ]

- [ Crowd Laughing ]

- Oh, no, no, no, no!

[ Crowd Laughing, Chattering ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

[ Tolling Continues ]

So, the funeral is over...

and he's gone in a blaze of glory,

rejoicing in his liberty.

- All right.

- I don't understand you, Doa Dolores.

- What's your scheme?

- Me? I have no scheme.

- What's your idea?

- I have no idea.

Except...

a woman must realize

there are times...

when she's got to give a man

all the rope he wants.

- You might lose him for good.

- Or win him for good.

No other woman

would have let him go.

No other woman understands him.

How should they after just having a week

or a day out of his life?

I had over a year.

What could you know about him

that thousands of other women don't?

Tell me, has Don Juan

been very tired lately?

How did you know?

[ Chuckles ]

No great lover has any secrets

from a woman after a year.

Doa Dolores,

you're bound to win.

I might.

But now I must wait.

He'll soon be tired of being tired.

[ Chattering ]

- Is Captain Mariano's breakfast ready?

- Here it is.

Beef for the blood,

fish for the brain...

and a dash of garlic

for the imagination.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Singsongy ]

Captain Mariano!

[ Singsongy ]

Coming.

[ Singsongy ]

Breakfast is ready.

Good.

Oh, I've had marvelous sleep.

What a glorious day.

You look wonderful.

- Thank you.

- You do too.

You look wonderful.

[ Woman ]

Oh, seor. [ Chuckles ]

Now there is a gentleman.

You look awful.

Why so gloomy?

Who wouldn't look gloomy

after six months in this hole?

- What a place for Don Juan.

- Quiet, you fool!

All right.

- For Captain Mariano.

- Ah. Captain Mariano.

Retired from active service.

The Private Life of Don Juan, ladies.

Two centavos.

The Private Life of Don Juan.

- Ooh.

- Oh, I must have one.

The greatest lover who ever lived.

- What's that?

- [ Man ] All the secrets of his love life .

The number of his love affairs.

Thank you, seora.

The story of his lamentable death,

killed by an outraged husband.

They're selling a new book:

The Private Life of Don Juan.

- Go and fetch one for me.

- Yes, master.

Ah.

[ Crowd Chattering ]

Is there a Captain, uh, Mariano living here?

- Yes, sir. Certainly, sir.

- Where can I find him?

Captain Mariano is having

his breakfast, sir.

Breakfast?

But it's afternoon.

Captain Mariano is not

what you call an early riser, sir.

I always give him his lunch

and his breakfast in one.

And I must say it's a pleasure to see

the way he appreciates his food.

Mark you, it's quite right that he should, for there's

nothing he asks for that we don't give him.

I always say that if you give a customer

what they like, they'll come back again.

So, if you're the friend that he's expecting

and you'll just tell me your favorite dish -

My favorite dish is

a middle-aged woman's tongue...

cut out by the roots,

chopped very small and eaten raw!

[ Gasps ]

Hello, Leporello!

Did you bring the money?

Did you see this?

See? In Seville they sold it

in 20,000 copies.

- Have you read it?

- I have. It's all lies.

They give all the details of everything

that never happened.

You know these authors of private lives -

no life is private to them.

- He thinks you're a hero and makes you a cad.

- You know the public.

If he didn't think me a hero,

he wouldn't write it.

And if he didn't make me a cad,

he couldn't sell it.

- How long do you want to stay?

- Hmm. Until I feel rested.

- When do you think you will feel rested?

- [ Chuckles ] I don't know.

I've got to make up for 20 years

of hard service.

[ Laughter]

Master, the mistress says

that if you won't come...

she will come.

Tell her I'll come right away.

- Good night, gentlemen all.

- Good night.

[ All ]

Good night.

Sentenced to marriage

for the term of his natural life.

[ All Laughing ]

- Hey, Alonso, you're not married.

- No, but I hope to be.

Didn't you just see that poor chap?

Oh, my girl's different.

All girls are different.

All wives are alike.

You lose your freedom.

My girl's worth it.

Marriage is like a beleaguered city.

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