The Private Life of Henry VIII. Page #4

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She's got a face like a...

Me that has never looked at a woman...

- What am I to do with her?

- I believed what I was told, sire.

Did you?

[Grunting]

It's all right for you.

You haven't got to marry her. I have.

- What do you wish me to do then?

- Pack her back off to where she came from.

It would mean war, sire,

and with all Europe against us.

This marriage must go on.

All right.

Heaven help you, Cromwell.

The marriage bed is made, I tell you!

Out you go!

I won't! I won't! I won't!

- Woman, I stand here for the king.

- I stand for the duke of York.

The duke of York?

But we have no duke of York.

No, but you will have

when my charm has done its work!

[Laughing]

Another charm.

No, the same charm that gave

England her prince of Wales.

- Oh, that was the king's doing.

- Was it?

Did the king have a son

by his first wife? No!

Did the king have a son

by his second wife? No!

And why?

'Cause you locked me out!

Bah!

You, to stand in England's way!

[Exhaling]

[Spitting]

[Blowing Nose]

[Groaning]

Oh! Oh.

I don't know how

I'm going to go through with this.

You can take a horse to the water,

but you can't make it drink.

[Exhales]

I don't know.

I suppose it's gotta be done.

Give me my nightshirt.

[Peynell]

His Majesty's nightshirt.

[Groans]

Nein.

Ja. That's right.

[Coughs Delicately]

The royal bedchamber is prepared.

[Man]

The royal bedchamber is preparedl

[Man #2]

The royal bedchamber is preparedl

[Man #3, Faint]

The royal bedchamber is prepared.

Rosewater.

The things I've done for England.

[Exhales]

[Exhales]

Didn't they give you

enough to eat, madam?

Don't shout at me

just because I'm your wife.

My wife.

[Chuckles]

Not yet.

Poor Mother told me...

First, she says,

the marriage is no good.

And then he cuts off the head

mit an ax-chopper.

That is an exaggeration, madam.

Then why do you say

I am not yet your wife?

Well, um, madam, a marriage

ceremony doesn't make us one.

- Mmm.

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

It's all right, but you have to...

I have to... we, uh...

What?

Did your mother

not talk to you about...

What?

Oh, Lord.

Oh, well, uh...

Um, madam, all that stuff...

about children being found

under gooseberry bushes...

- That's not true.

- Oh, no. It was the stork.

The stork?

The stork flies in the air

mit the babes...

and down the chimney drops, eh?

No. No, madam.

Uh, that isn't true either.

When a hen lays an egg...

it's not entirely all her own doing.

You mean sometimes

it was the cuckoo?

Yes, it was the cuckoo.

- Do you sing?

- Nein.

In Germany,

a respectable woman doesn't sing.

Then, of course, you don't play.

Oh, yes, I do.

- I'll go and get you a guitar.

- No, I play cards.

Cards? Well, that's something.

Uh, you'll find a pack

in the chest over there.

Peynell, have a drink.

No, thanks.

What stakes shall we play for?

How about that?

Don't cry if you lose.

- Good?

- Better.

Huh! Beginner's luck.

[Chuckles]

- Stakes?

- Yes.

Don't cry if you lose.

You may not know it, madam, but

I am considered the best card player

in England.

[Laughs]

- [Cards Slap Down]

- Hmm.

Has anybody got any money?

Don't you understand the king's English?

I said, money!

How much was it?

[Anne]

Ninety-five crowns.

You, run to the treasury

and get some money!

- Your deal.

- Aren't you getting us some money?

Can't you give me

five minutes' credit?

I play for cash.

[Grumbling]

[Shouts]

Where's that money?

- [Knocking]

- Come in!

Where have you been?

Give me that money! Get out of here!

Now...

[Grumbling Continues]

- Cheating!

- Don't shout!

- I'm not shouting!

- You are.

Ah, what am I...

what am I going to do with you?

- Chop my head?

- Probably.

- You daren't.

- Why not?

Because in Europe I will make such a scandal

as you never heard.

It is not the first time

you chop the head.

Henry the wife butcher...

that's what they will call you.

I don't care what they say.

I'm not going to live with you.

Well, why don't you divorce me

like a gentleman?

Would you consent to a divorce?

I would consent to a divorce.

You're a very reasonable woman.

What are your terms?

- Two manors.

- Granted.

- Richmond and Blenchingley with properties.

- Granted.

- Four thousand pounds a year?

- Granted.

One of your gentlemen

as master of my household.

- Take whom you want.

- Peynell.

Peynell?

[Giggles]

Peynell.

Granted.

Is it a bargain?

- Jal

- [Laughs]

Confess that you cheated,

or you'll go back to Germany!

Back to Germany?

[Laughs] Oh, I cheated!

[Both Laughing]

- Confess, though, that you cheated.

- What do you mean?

Didn't you hide Katherine Howard

to play against my queen, huh?

- Oh, you knew about that all the time.

- Ja.

Ah, it'll only mean another scandal.

At last I've found a woman

I can be faithful to.

After your divorce,

they'll never consent to another marriage.

Oh, yes, I think so, in a little time,

but I will help you.

You're the nicest girl

I ever married.

[Gasps]

[Yawning]

Good night.

Gute Nacht.

Lovely weather for the time of year,

Your Grace.

- [Sighs] Yes.

- Will Your Grace be pleased to be shaved?

All right.

Uh...

Uh, do... do you remember telling me

that my loyal Guild of Barbers...

thought I ought to marry again?

Forgive me, Your Grace.

We took a very great liberty, Your Grace.

Not at all. Very natural interest

in the welfare of the country.

You are too kind, Your Grace.

- Are they still of the same opinion?

- Oh, no, indeed, Your Grace.

They realized their mistake.

- Was it a mistake?

- Oh, yes, Your Grace.

As I said at our last meeting, "God knows

the king's done his best to get more sons...

but there comes a time in life

when the well runs dry."

- You said that, did you?

- [Stammering] Yes, I did, Your Grace.

- Get out!

- [Whimpers]

"The well runs dry."

Hmph!

[Page]

No good. He won't touch it.

Why? Whatever's wrong?

Everything.

He just sits and glares.

They're not trying

to make him marry again.

I'd like to see 'em,

after that German business.

After all,

you can't say he hasn't tried.

Tried too often,

if you ask me.

To say nothing of the side dishes...

a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

What a man wants is regular meals.

Yes, but not the same joint

every night.

- Ohh!

- [Laughing]

Oh, a man loses his appetite

after four courses.

How do you mean, four courses?

He got into the soup

with Katherine of Aragon...

cried stinking fish

with Anne Boleyn...

cooked Jane Seymour's goose...

and gave Anne of Cleves

the cold shoulder.

God save him.

It's no wonder

he suffers in the legs.

- Your Grace is sad tonight.

- What can we do to cheer Your Grace?

What could you do

to cheer my loneliness?

Your Grace is lonely?

- Ah, that is the penalty of greatness, sire.

- Greatness?

I would exchange it all to be my lowest groom

who sleeps above the stable...

with a wife who loves him.

[Henry Exhales]

Your Majesty, uh, there is one matter,

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