The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes Page #7

Stop it!

lf we are to continue,

if we are to find out...

what really happened

to your husband...

you cannot act

the grief-stricken widow.

l'm--l'm...sorry.

l know it's not easy,

but you must remember...

we're that nice couple

from London...

on holiday in the Highlands.

l'll try.

That's much better.

Thank you.

Now, if l may proceed without

further interruptions.

Mr. Ashdown!

Holmes, l saw it.

l saw it from the attic window.

lt's out there in the lake!

-You saw what?

-Telescope!

Where's the telescope?

What did you see?

The monster.

The monster?

There--there it is!

Look for yourself.

There it is there.

There, there.

See it?

There. See it?

l see nothing.

Nothing?

lt's gone.

Gone? Maybe it was never there.

Holmes, l swear to you,

l saw it as clear as anything!

Watson, as you

so succinctly put it...

we are living in

the nineteenth century.

Maybe that grave digger

was right--

the swell

and the boat overturning.

Monsieur Valladon may have

been found in the lake...

but he did not drown.

He died of asphyxiation.

Asphyxiation?

There's only one substance...

that can turn

a copper ring green...

and bleach the color

out of canaries--

chlorine gas.

Well, that may be,

but the fact remains...

that l saw something out there!

A figment of your imagination.

Now let us be logical.

The only concrete lead we have

is the reference to the castle.

The question is...which castle?

You call yourself logical?

You're the least

logical man l know.

Am l?

How can you say it's a figment

of my imagination...

when for years

you've been saying...

l have no imagination

whatsoever?

We have so far investigated

eight drafty castles...

had our bicycles

attacked by sheep...

and our ears assaulted

by bagpipes...

and we are exactly

where we started.

Would you like some more

cranberry sauce, dear?

Yes, dear.

Would you pass

the cranberry sauce, John?

Yes, dear.

l say there!

Good afternoon! Remember me?

There's some chaps

l met on the train.

We had a long conversation,

or rather...

l had a long conversation...

because they are

not allowed to talk.

Trappists, you know?

Just study their bibles.

Oh, you'll never guess...

what the one next

to me was reading--

''The Book of Jonah.''

lsn't that odd?

Quite.

What is it, dear?

What's the matter?

Oh, a bee!

Well, l don't think

we have to bother...

with this castle.

lt's just a pile of rubble.

Then why are they taking

all these precautions?

Why, indeed?

-Let's go.

-Go where?

When rebuffed

at the front door...

one's only choice is to try

the tradesman's entrance.

Sorry. No visitors allowed.

Are you the guide here?

Yes, but the castle

is closed to the public...

while work is going on.

Oh, what are they doing?

lt's being restored

by the Society...

for the Preservation

of Scottish Monuments.

Oh, that's too bad.

l particularly wanted my wife

to see Urquhart Castle.

The tower is one of

the most interesting examples...

of medieval architecture.

About 1400, wasn't it?

That's right.

Let me see, was it built

by James ll or James lll?

The lll, but if you'd like

to come back next year...

we'll be finished then...

and l'll be glad

to show you around.

Thank you.

Pleasant sort, isn't he?

Pleasant, but ignorant.

He was off one hundred years

and one James.

lt's actually 1500 and James lV.

lf he's an official guide,

shouldn't he know?

lf he's an official guide.

Listen, do you hear

anything, Watson?

No. Those birds are making

too much of a racket.

They're not just birds.

They're our old friends.

Sulfuric acid.

The more we find out,

the less sense it makes.

To a graduate chemist,

it makes a great deal of sense.

Sulfuric acid when

exposed to salt water...

produces chlorine gas.

John, would you mind

clasping your hands, please?

Like that?

No, like that. Lower.

Thank you.

That tower may be more

interesting than l thought...

and not just architecturally.

Holmes...l have a feeling

we're redundant here.

We have now

observed the castle...

from the front, from the back...

from the side,

from land, from water.

What now? Planning to spend

the night out here?

lf necessary.

You're gonna catch

your death of cold, you know.

Wouldn't it be ironic

if Holmes' last case...

were a case of pneumonia?

Sorry.

What's that?

Holmes!

There's--a--

Quick, Watson! After it!

Holmes, what are we doing?

We should be going away from it!

Keep rowing, damn it!

We've lost it.

At least you admit

there is an it...

not just a figment

of my imagination!

Quiet!

Do you have your

stethoscope with you?

Never without it.

What is it?

l can hear something.

lt's getting closer...

and closer...

Holmes!

Get back! Get back!

Get back--you beast--

Are you all right?

l lost my parasol.

Where's Watson?

Watson!

Thank you.

l...have come face to face

with man-eating tigers.

l was once caught

in a stampede...

of wild elephants--

lndia, you know--

but l wasn't half as frightened.

This beast seems to have

a personal grudge against us!

Well, l just hope

it doesn't come back!

l don't think it will.

Look.

What strange goings-on!

Not really.

l would say that the monster,

after a hard day's work...

has returned home

for his supper.

Yes, l know.

But would you believe

you can't borrow...

a decent pair of trousers

in this place?

All right, Holmes.

Want to confide in us?

Whenever he starts whistling...

l know he's getting close

to a solution.

lt's nothing new, actually.

We've come across

this situation before.

We have? Where?

At the ballet.

Ballet?

There's a lake,

and there's a castle...

and there's a swan that

isn't really a swan...

or in this case...

a monster that

isn't really a monster.

Then what is it?

What is it, indeed,

that feeds on canary birds...

and sulfuric acid

and has an engine for a heart?

An engine?

The stethoscope is a very

sensitive instrument...

and water is an excellent

conductor of sound.

There is no doubt

that we are dealing with...

a mechanical monster.

Oh!

Not only is it equipped

with an artificial heart...

it also has artificial lungs.

Judging from the bubbles

on the surface of the lake...

it uses some form of air pump.

You think my husband was

involved in all this?

Yes, Madame Valladon,

l'm sure of it.

But why would anybody want to

build a mechanical monster?

Just to scare people?

Not very likely.

Why did they try to keep me

from finding my husband?

And why was he

buried anonymously?

l think l have

a pretty good notion...

of what they're up to...

the Society for the Preservation

of Scottish Monuments--

better known

as the Diogenes Club!

Diogenes Club?

Come in!

Mr. Ashdown, l have a bottle

of champagne for you.

A bottle of champagne!

l didn't order it.

No, indeed.

You are to deliver it.

Those are my instructions.

lnstructions from whom?

Deliver it where?

l wouldn't know, sir...

but there's a carriage

waiting for you downstairs.

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