The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio Page #2

You'll enjoy...

The clean, tangy taste of Dr. Pepper.

- Nice try.

- Sorry, Mrs. Bidlack.

Watch it.

Maybe we should talk on the radio.

Indians.

I can't believe the Indians...

Problem is they got no clean-up batter.

- Clean up what?

- Half the team's in a slump.

Best move to make

is get rid of that manager.

You can't blame him.

Pitching, I'm telling you...

- What a world.

- Yeah. There's always...

- We're gonna take off now.

- Take it easy.

Hey, thanks, Tim.

He won't give you anymore trouble.

Best thing to do

is let him sleep it off.

Hey, Dick, how's the pitching arm?

Going for a no-hitter next season?

- You bet.

- Go get 'em, kiddo.

Here you go. I made this for you.

Thank you, Dad.

I'm tired.

Your pajamas are on the bed.

Thank you.

Mom?

Father McCague's here.

I don't think that you need to worry.

I'm sure that he's learned his lesson.

This has been going on

for a very long time.

Every night he drinks

a six pack and a pint of whiskey.

By the end of the week

nothing's left of his check.

It's all gone to the liquor store.

Kelly has a big family to take care of.

I'm sure he's carrying around

the weight of the world.

But the more he drinks,

the less he's able to pay the bills,

which is one reason he's so unhappy.

But it's up to you, you see,

- to make him a good home.

- But I do.

Well, you'll have

to try a little harder.

No one says that life is easy.

Thank you for coming by, Father.

Yes, indeed.

Are you being obedient

and saying all your prayers?

Yes, Father.

Good boy. I'll see you in church.

His breath smells like Dad's.

Well, maybe that's why Father

likes to use so much incense.

All right, kids.

Let's go to bed.

I'm tired of this day.

I need a new one.

If I may pause

in the story for a moment,

I'd like to briefly explain my marriage.

As a young scribe, I was a resident wit

for the Sherwood Weekly Chronicle.

Queen Elizabeth

invented ladies' stockings.

Since her time,

they've covered a multitude of shins.

Evelyn, that's top-notch.

I had potential, as they say.

I was also in sore need of adventure.

And Kelly Ryan was loads of fun.

He loved music

as much as I loved words.

And we were just the perfect match.

Then one night, Kelly's career

as a crooner came to a terrible end.

And so, our life in Defiance began...

...where my husband joined

the ranks of ordinary men.

So if he seems unhelpful at times

or selfish or mean,

please remember

that he lost his voice,

while I kept mine.

Here you go, Dick.

There's a soldier on this glass,

look at that.

Who's winning the battle?

Drink your milk, baby.

Morning, Mother. Morning, kids.

Morning, Dad.

What do you say I fix

everyone some pancakes?

You can't. We're out of milk.

I need some money, by the way.

How about coffee?

You guys are old enough.

- No, thanks.

- No.

Who the heck did this?

One of you kids?

You did, Daddy.

No, siree. I think it was...

...you.

No, I did not.

Yeah.

Well, you can't sell it now.

Looks like we're stuck with it.

It seems like we are.

How about I take up hunting,

fill that thing full of duck and deer?

No, Daddy!

You don't like that idea, OK.

Well, how about I just go shoot

some squirrels

and little bunny rabbits?

How about you don't spend

so much at the liquor store.

Tell you what.

Every night, when I come home,

I'll bring something

from the grocery store.

I'm gonna fill that to the very top,

even if it takes me a year.

- What do you think of that?

- I think that's a wonderful idea.

I gotta go to work

so I can bring home the bacon.

- And a porterhouse steak.

- Hey, I'm not kidding.

You just watch your old man.

I need money for the milkman.

That's not enough.

That's all I have.

OK.

Bye, kids.

Bye.

How's Dad gonna fill the freezer

when he can't pay for milk?

I have no idea, honey.

But at least he has a goal.

Now the moment is here

when Queen for A Day

makes your wish come true.

We're going to

the Everson-Jennings company

and order one of their sturdy,

folding wheelchairs.

There's a sample.

- Mommy.

- Yes, honey?

Davey messed his diaper

and I tried to change him.

Oh, show me.

Oh, Barbie.

The trick is to hold the baby's legs up

while you take the diaper off.

- I got it on my hands.

- I know you did, sweetheart.

OK, now, here we go. Follow me.

All right, don't touch anything.

Come on, Betsy, you too.

Let's wash your hands.

Yeah. Come on, come on.

All right, everybody. Come on.

OK, put your hands under the faucet.

- Milk delivery!

- Just a minute, I'll be right there.

Come on. I've got deliveries to make.

Just a minute, please.

- I'm leaving.

- No, you aren't.

I'm on my way.

OK, girls. Stay in the kitchen

till I can clean this up.

You know that I got a schedule to keep.

I know you do, Ray.

What a life you lead.

- Three dollars.

- I'm a little short this week.

Can I owe you?

I got three other families

on credit this week.

- You know I'm always good for it.

- I'm not a bank.

You could start charging interest.

Don't get smart with me.

- Smart people know their budget.

- Right.

That's why I don't have

a problem paying bills.

Hello, vernon.

Anything for me today?

You want something in life,

you got to pay for it.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

Hey, Ray.

Oh, hold on.

How do you like that?

I won two dollars in the poetry

contest for The Toledo Blade.

There you go.

There he goes.

Yeah. You want the money?

I'm sorry I made such a mess, Mommy.

Well, actually, honey,

if I had gotten

the door any sooner,

then the milkman would have

left before the mailman arrived,

and we wouldn't have had

any milk for our dinner tonight.

So, there you go.

It was all meant to be.

This is what happens to one's literary

efforts once placed in the mailbox.

For the big contests, they go sailing

off to New York City to be judged.

The average count

is a million and a half entries.

A million and a half. Imagine that!

Each entry is first checked to make sure

it's accompanied by proof of purchase.

You don't pay, you don't play.

Next they go to the juniorjudges.

College English majors, mind you,

who are instructed

to eliminate the trite,

the obvious and the inept. Oh, dear.

And so, the final judging begins.

Every syllable of every word

is scrutinized and analyzed,

the merits of each debated

until a few of the worthiest remain.

The ballots are cast,

the points are added up

and the grand prize winner is declared.

Oh, my gosh!

- Mommy won a shopping spree!

- Oh, yeah?

They time her as she runs in the store.

She can get whatever she wants.

She's gonna get us a bunch of candy...

And fancy nuts.

I'm gonna eat a cashew.

Can you believe it?

That's terrific, Mother.

Now, I only get

ten minutes and one cart,

so what I did was, I walked

to the market to plot my strategy.

- Wait till you hear this.

- The carts are smaller than at the A&P.

- Mom talked to the butcher.

- He's gonna wrap up bacon and ribs.

- I can build up the cart that way.

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