The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio Page #6

Depends on what the damage is.

Make yourself at home.

Alrighty. Well, come on, Tuff.

I'll buy you a pop.

I bet Dad knew that fan belt was rotten

and didn't replace it on purpose.

Oh, honey,

your father's careless

but he's not mean.

I'm sure he just

didn't bother to check.

Do you ever wish

you'd never married him?

My gosh, Tuff.

Do you?

- No, I don't have any regrets.

- Come on, Mom.

You've been stuck

in a house for 20 years

cooking and cleaning

and taking care of crappy kids.

Don't use that word.

Especially in regards to yourself.

But you could be living in a city,

writing for a newspaper,

having an interesting life.

I do have an interesting life.

Your life stinks.

Gosh, Mom, just look at today.

You finally get a chance to go somewhere

and the lousy car breaks down.

It's not fair.

If I were you,

I'd be angry all the time.

Well, that wouldn't do me

any good now, would it?

For gosh sakes, you're only human.

Oh, sweetheart.

Maybe I'm meant

to make it to the Affadaisies,

and maybe I'm not.

But right now,

I'm sitting here in the shade

having a conversation

with my wonderfully feisty daughter,

and I intend to enjoy

this moment to the fullest.

And I suggest,

for your own well-being,

that you do the same.

Don'tha Schaefer, is that really you?

Oh, honey, get into these arms.

Yes, virginia, there is an Evelyn Ryan!

Oh, look at you.

I can't believe it, hello!

Welcome to Emma's Ranch

for housework escapees!

Oh, God, it's so good to see you.

Thank you for delivering

your mother to us.

- No problem.

- You have no idea what this means.

Now, you come in too.

That was a big, long drive for you.

- Sure was.

- New driver. Congratulations.

Look who we found outside on the curb.

We got a stray bird

back in the nest, girls.

Evelyn Ryan, as I live...

and breathe.

Emma Hartzler, you are a vision.

She looks like a giant corn

on the cob, doesn't she?

I finally found my soul mates

with the Affadaisies.

They were the sharpest

group of gals I'd ever met.

We mostly talked shop,

and critiqued each other's work.

- Evelyn, you get on over here.

- Here I come.

With Pillsbury, rhyme doesn't pay.

Only if it's in verse.

But inner rhyme is still valid,

don't you think?

If you spell Pillsbury flour

like the bud,

and not the baking kind,

then you've got a homophone

and don't... need the rhyme.

Oh, love it!

- What's super potato salad?

- Pickle juice.

What's the consensus on hyphenated words

for 25 words or less?

Technically, it is one word.

Don't trustjudges to know that.

They count a contraction as two words.

I'm in trouble. I'll have

to knock off a couple of articles.

Why waste space on an article?

Use something with zest.

"The" and "antidisestablishmentarianism"

are both one word,

but which one packs the bigger punch?

What?

Anti-what?

Did anyone else just hear

that word come out of her mouth?

This is why she wins the big prizes.

Can you sing that?

Let's hear what it sounds like.

We debated whether our days

as contesters were coming to an end.

Did you see this?

No skill involved.

This is the death of literacy, ladies.

I don't want to hear that.

It'll never happen.

This is the last big contest.

Everybody snapped these up.

I got you the last one.

Oh, no, you keep it.

Honey, you've got more kids at home.

Now, you take that.

OK?

So, what do you have to do for this one?

Oh, it's a one-liner.

They want you to finish a limerick.

"The time of your life you can win

with Dr. Pepper, the flavor that's in.

It's distinctive and bright,

it's lively and light.

There's no time like now to begin. "

Oh, leave me alone.

I'm just warming up.

- Evening, Rita, Nancy.

- It was a hot one today.

There was a wonderful breeze in Goshen.

Well, it was a hot one here today.

Five minutes to supper, sweetheart.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Who locked the door?

- Hey, you guys, let us in.

- Honey, let's go around the back.

Row row row your boat

Gently down the stream

Throw your dad overboard

and listen to him scream

Mom's home!

What are you kids doing outside?

Well, we went

to the movies this afternoon.

When we got back,

Dad locked us out of the house.

He what?

Kelly!

Open the door!

- Where the hell have you been?

- I told you, I might be late.

- Not this late.

- You locked your kids out of the house?

Good grief!

Tuff set the table, please.

You left at the crack of dawn.

You don't come back

until almost dark.

What were you doing all this time?

I was gone for ten hours.

If you can't take care of your kids

for less than half a day,

you might as well leave this house.

You can goddamn be the one to leave.

Get off of my mother!

"For picnic or party, Jell-O's a boon.

Made by nine, all set by noon.

With taste and shimmer-shake appeal,

Jell-O jollies any meal. "

Christ, Mother.

You've killed me.

Death by Jell-O is highly unlikely.

And I want you to know,

I am not cleaning up this mess.

Could you get me some towels?

Not on your life.

She's not cleaning up after you.

Now kids, go ahead

and watch Tv while I make dinner.

Go on.

By the way,

the fan belt fell off the car

and that is why we are so late.

Yeah, I was waiting for that to happen.

What's this?

Steak. I went shopping today.

I wanted to make a dinner for the kids.

Why didn't you feed them?

I was crying

and didn't want them to see me.

Why on earth were you crying?

I thought you decided

to go away and never come back.

For goodness sakes. You know

I'd never leave the kids with you.

I got you something too.

It was supposed to be a surprise.

It's in there.

Here you go.

I found it at a secondhand store.

I paid a guy at the shop to fix it up.

It is the most beautiful thing

I have ever seen.

I thought it was about time

you had a proper desk.

How did you pay for it?

Oh, don't you worry about that.

Thank you.

I love you.

- Hello?

- Hello, Mrs. Ryan?

It's Cutter Murphy, down here

at Defiance Home Saving and Loan.

Just a friendly reminder

to let you know that the second mortgage

is coming due on your house.

Mr. Murphy, we've never

taken out a second mortgage.

Oh yes, you did.

Yes, Mr. Ryan

came down here three years ago

and signed the papers.

How much do we owe?

$4,000, due in 30 days.

See ya, fellas.

Hello, Mother.

What are you doing out here?

When were you gonna tell me

about the second mortgage?

It's due?

I had a feeling that day

might be coming up.

Is there anything left?

I was gonna pay it back

without anyone ever knowing about it.

Is there anything left?

No.

It's all... gone.

They're gonna repossess the house.

Do the kids know?

I told them as soon as I got the call.

I didn't want them

to hear it from anybody else.

Are they angry with me?

Right now they're just scared.

Guess we could

always rent another place.

At least we wouldn't have

to worry about repairs anymore.

This is my house.

My house.

I just...

...felt like a drowning man.

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