The Producers
- PG
- Year:
- 1967
- 88 min
- 1,965 Views
INT. DAY. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF MAX BIALYSTOCK'S OFFICE.
CLOSE-UP OF LITTLE OLD LADY. She blows a kiss and WAVES
GOOD-BYE.
CUT TO CLOSE-UP OF MAX BIALYSTOCK. HE RESPONDS WITH SIMILAR
GESTURES.
CAMERA PULLS BACK TO FULL SHOT. LEGEND ON FROSTED GLASS OF
BIALYSTOCK'S OFFICE DOOR READS:
MAX BIALYSTOCK - THEATRICAL PRODUCER
LITTLE OLD LADY BEGINS TO DESCEND STAIRWAY. SHE STOPS,
TURNS, BLOWS ANOTHER KISS AND ONCE MORE WAVES GOODBYE.
BIALYSTOCK GRACIOUSLY ANSWERS IN KIND.
BIALYSTOCK:
Don't forget the checkee. Can't
produce playees without checkees.
LITTLE OLD LADY:
You can count on me-o, you dirty
young man.
CAMERA BACK TO BIALYSTOCK'S FACE FROZEN IN A LITTLE GOODBYE
SMILE. THE LITTLE OLD LADY'S FOOTSTEPS. BEGIN TO FADE.
BIALYSTOCK'S FACE QUICKLY RESUMES ITS NORMAL EXPRESSION --
DESPAIR AND DISGUST. HE THEN REACHES INTO HIS VEST POCKET,
PULLS OUT AN OLD-FASHIONED, POCKET WATCH AND EARNESTLY
CONSULTS ITS FACE.
CAMERA STAYS WITH HIM AS HE RUSHES INTO HIS OFFICE.
BIALYSTOCK MOVES WITH A QUICK SHUFFLING GAIT TO HIS DESK.
FROM THE TOP OF IT HE PICKS UP A FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH.
CAMERA INSERT:
CLOSE-UP OF PHOTOGRAPH. IT IS FACE OF LITTLECAMERA BACK TO BIALYSTOCK. HE OPENS DESK DRAWER. IT IS
FILLED WITH TAGGED KEYS. HE PICKS UP A KEY.
CAMERA INSERT:
TAG ON KEY READS: INVESTORS FILE.CAMERA BACK TO BIALYSTOCK. WITH PHOTOGRAPH IN HAND, HE
MOVES ACROSS HIS OFFICE TO A LARGE, DOUBLE-DOORED CABINET.
HE UNLOCKS CABINET.
CAMERA SHOWS CABINET INTERIOR FILLED WITH HUNDREDS OF
SIMILARLY FRAMED PHOTOGRAPHS OF LITTLE OLD LADIES.
CAMERA BACK TO BIALYSTOCK. HE PLACES PHOTOGRAPH IN ITS
PROPER NICHE AND BEGINS TO LOOK THROUGH THE FACES.
CAMERA SLOWLY PANS ROWS OF PHOTOGRAPHS, BIALYSTOCK'S P.O.V.
2.
BIALYSTOCK:
(Voice Over)
"Hold me, touch me', 'hold me,
touch me', 'hold me, touch me',
where is 'hold me, touch me'? Ahhh
... here we are. 'Hold me, touch
me.'"
CAMERA STOPS PANNING AND REMAINS ON ONE OF THE PHOTOGRAPHS.
BIALYSTOCK'S HAND MOVES INTO THE FRAME AND PICKS UP
PHOTOGRAPH.
CAMERA MOVES IN TO CLOSE-UP OF PHOTOGRAPH
DISSOLVE THROUGH TO MATCHING CLOSE-UP OF SAME FACE WE HAVE
JUST SEEN IN PHOTOGRAPH.
CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL LITTLE OLD LADY IN REAR SEAT OF
LIMOUSINE. EXTERIOR. DAY.
CAMERA KEEPS MOVING BACK TO EXTERIOR OF LIMO AS IT MOVES
ALONG THROUGH NEW YORK'S THEATRICAL DISTRICT.
LONG SHOT. 45TH STREET. SAME LIMOUSINE PULLS UP IN FRONT
OF ONE OF THE THEATRES THAT LINE THE BLOCK.
MEDIUM SHOT. CHAUFFEUR BRISKLY HOPS OUT, AND SMARTLY OPENS
REAR DOOR. THE LITTLE OLD LADY EMERGES. SHE LOWERS HER
VEIL AND FURTIVELY DUCKS INTO THE BUILDING ENTRANCE.
INT. MEDIUM SHOT. DILAPIDATED THEATRE OFFICE BUILDING. THE
LITTLE OLD LADY ENTERS. SHE RAISES HER VEIL, CHUCKLES
GLEEFULLY, AND BEGINS TO ASCEND THE STAIRS.
MEDIUM SHOT. UPON REACHING THE LANDING, SHE SPOTS THE FIRST
LITTLE OLD LADY COMING DOWN. SHE QUICKLY DROPS HER VEIL.
THE FIRST LITTLE OLD LADY DISCREETLY HIDES HER FACE WITH HER
PURSE AS THEY PASS EACH OTHER ON THE LANDING.
DISSOLVE TO FOURTH FLOOR LANDING. THE LITTLE OLD LADY MAKES
HER WAY TO THE TOP. SHE HANGS ONTO THE BANISTER FOR SUPPORT
AS SHE CATCHES HER BREATH. SHE RAISES HER VEIL, REACHES
INTO HER PURSE, TAKES OUT A SMALL FLACON OF PERFUME AND
SPRAYS DELICATELY BEHIND BOTH EARS. THOROUGHLY COMPOSED,
SHE APPROACHES BIALYSTOCK'S DOOR. SHE RAPS ON THE DOOR
THREE TIMES IN QUICK SUCCESSION, WAITS A MOMENT, RAPS TWICE
AND THEN THREE TIMES AGAIN. SUDDENLY THE DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN.
MEDIUM SHOT. MAX BIALYSTOCK
BIALYSTOCK:
(leering)
Darling!
3.
MEDIUM SHOT OVER BIALYSTOCK'S SHOULDER. LITTLE OLD LADY.
LITTLE OLD LADY:
(passionately)
Hold me, touch me.
CUT TO TWO SHOT. BIALYSTOCK CLUTCHES THE LITTLE OLD LADY IN
A PASSIONATE EMBRACE.
BIALYSTOCK:
Devil woman.
FREEZE ACTION.
SUPER-IMPOSE FIRST CREDIT: ZERO MOSTEL.
RESUME ACTION.
THE LITTLE OLD LADY GIGGLES JOYOUSLY AND THEN SLIPS FROM
BIALYSTOCK'S GRASP, DARTS INTO THE OFFICE AND DUCKS BEHIND
THE COUCH. SHE POPS HER HEAD UP.
LITTLE OLD LADY:
Finder's keepers.
FREEZE ACTION.
RESUME ACTION.
BIALYSTOCK:
Here I come, ready or not.
BIALYSTOCK LEAPS THROUGH THE AIR TOWARDS THE COUCH.
FREEZE-ACTION.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
BIALYSTOCK LANDS BADLY. HE WRITHES IN PAIN. LITTLE OLD
LADY COQUETTISHLY CRAWLS TO HIM.
LITTLE OLD LADY:
What's the matter? Papa no want to
play with baby?
BIALYSTOCK:
Ohhhhhh.
FREEZE-ACTION.
4.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
BIALYSTOCK REACHES OUT FOR HER. SHE ELUDES HIM, DARTS INTO
A CHAIR, CROSSES HER LEG SEDUCTIVELY, RAISES HER SKIRT JUST
ABOVE HER KNEE REVEALING A GOLDEN ROSE AND GARTER.
FREEZE-ACTION.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
BIALYSTOCK STRUGGLES TO HIS FEET.
BIALYSTOCK:
Come to Papa. Come to Papa do.
LITTLE OLD LADY LEAPS OUT OF HER CHAIR AND POSES, COYLY.
LITTLE OLD LADY:
To the victor go the spoils.
BIALYSTOCK STARTS FOR HER. SHE RUSHES AROUND A CHAIR AND
DUCKS BEHIND IT. BIALYSTOCK TIPTOES ON TO CHAIR AND PEEKS
OVER IT.
BIALYSTOCK:
I'm gonna get you.
FREEZE-ACTION.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
CUT TO LITTLE OLD LADY WEDGED BETWEEN DESK AND BACK OF CHAIR.
SHE STRAIGHTENS HER LEGS AND SENDS THE CHAIR HURTLING ACROSS
THE ROOM.
CLOSE-UP OF BIALYSTOCK'S FACE: TERROR.
FREEZE-ACTION.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
BIALYSTOCK CRASHES INTO RADIATOR.
BIALYSTOCK:
Ohhhhhhhh.
5.
CUT TO LITTLE OLD LADY. SHE IS LYING PHONE ON THE DESK,
LITTLE OLD LADY:
Meeow. Meeow. I wonder where Old
Tom is tonight? Meeow.
BIALYSTOCK, WITH GREAT WILL, PUSHES THE HATE OUT OF HIS FACE
AND REPLACES IT WITH SWEETNESS.
BIALYSTOCK:
Rowrrr.
BIALYSTOCK GLIDES IN TOM-CAT FASHION OVER TO HIS PREENING
P*SSY-CAT.
FREEZE-ACTION.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
BIALYSTOCK FINISHES CROSSING TO DESK, PUTS HIS FACE DOWN
NEAR HERS AND SOFTLY MEWS INTO HER EAR. SHE SUDDENLY LETS
OUT A FIERCE HOWL AS SHE REBUFFS HIM WITH A SAVAGE SWIPE OF
HER "PAW". BIALYSTOCK GRABS HIS STRICKEN FACE WITH BOTH
HANDS AND SHRIEKS.
BIALYSTOCK:
Aieeeeyiyiyiyiyi,
CLOSE-UP OF BIALYSTOCK'S PAIN-RIDDEN FEATURES.
STOP ACTION.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
BIALYSTOCK FALLS INTO THE CHAIR MOANING. SHE HOPS ON TO HIS
LAP. FROM HIS BREAST POCKET SHE TAKES A HANDKERCHIEF AND
TENDERLY DABS HIS CHEEK WITH IT.
LITTLE OLD LADY:
Oh, Bialy, Bialy, darling, did I
hurt you?
FREEZE-ACTION.
CREDIT.
RESUME ACTION.
6.
BIALYSTOCK:
My hand. My hand. I can't turn my
hand.
(he turns his hand)
THERE IS A RAPPING AT THE DOOR. WE HEAR IT, THEY DON'T.
LITTLE OLD LADY:
(taking his hand)
Don't worry. I'll kiss it and make
it well.
(she smothers his
hand with kissers)
BIALYSTOCK:
(trying to rescue his hand)
Enough. It's better. Please,
Lambchop, it's better. Stop.
You're hurting it again.
CUT TO DOOR. IT OPENS. LEO BLOOM ENTERS.
BLOOM:
(his forward motion
arrested by the
unbelievable scene)
How do you do. I mean ... Excuse
me ... I mean ...
BIALYSTOCK:
You mean ooops, don't you? Say
ooops and get out.
BLOOM:
I'll wait in the hall ...
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"The Producers" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_producers_918>.
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