The Promotion Page #4

and, uh, here we go-

right towards my own private vehicle...

because that's how much confiidence

I have in this.

Remember, this could be

your daughter.

F***!

...as I offer you

a blueprint for success in the workplace.

And, like the eagle, you'll create

a commanding atmosphere around-

Richard Wehlner.

If you ever have to choose between

working inside and outside...

at a major American grocery store,

choose inside.

Inside you have some freedom.

You have places to hide.

You can catch a breeze off the dairy cooler.

The girls work inside.

Mmm.

Outside sucks.

I just wanted to let you know

that everything was top-notch.

Yes.

You guys are really

getting your sh*t together.

I f***in'had it for a while there,

but I've sensed a shift. Hey, good shift.

Keep on truckin'in that direction.

I'll be a repeat customer.

...cuttin' grass and sh*t?

I can call the police. So, just so you know,

this is Donaldson's property. You're trespassing.

- I'm on a parkin' lot.

- It's our lot.

- F*** you.

- Heh, your ma's courteous. She took my ride, sissy.

What does that mean?

Hey! Well, give 'em back!

F***in' get 'em.

F***!

F***!

F*** you, man, you know?

Back up.

- Back what?

- Back up. I'm not f***in' around, dick.

What you call me, motherf***er?

Get off the lot! Get off me!

- Is he serious?

- Hey, he can't be f***in' serious.

- Have a nice day!

- Have a nice day!

You have a nice day, f***in' a**holes!

Aren't you on lot?

I'm tryin' to fix these cards.

They got messed up.

Don't forget, those go in today.

Half hour, I'm gonna go down there.

- Who's on lot?

- Just Bredon. Keith's sick.

Ah, put Octavio out.

He can come off Deli.

We got it covered.

You have the vest?

In my locker.

- Thanks, Scott.

- All right.

I don't know what you say.

I was trying to figure out

if Brian... "Grall's"card...

said, "Your employees were very...

courageous"?

I wondered,

were any of them courageous?

Esteban? No.

Little Esteban? No.

- Hey.

- Then I thought, f***.

I found a whole stack

of D.E. 's in your locker.

- Stauber.

- Yeah.

A whole stack.

Scott, man, lot's so messed up.

I know it is,

but it's not about you, okay?

I'm going down to the Augusta Plus.

Why don't you pack your stack and take a

ride with me? I wanna see you hand these over.

Pack your stack.

A lot of the guys, when they're goin' out

to assist customers with their bags...

they're doin'

some lollygaggin' outside.

And everyone wants to get fresh air.

Don't get me wrong.

I like fresh air...

but we need you inside,

or else we're short-

Several young men taunted me with chants...

of"ching chong Chinaman"

and "cinnamon face"!

You know what? I'd like you

to read them to me right now.

- Out loud?

- No, read them to me silently.

"My grocery list didn't include

sexual harassment, but thanks.

Beth Kopins, 84."

- You want me to read all of these?

- Yes.

- F***.

- I'm sorry?

That's on the card.

"F***, that was a great

shopping experience. "

- It doesn't say that, does it?

- No.

What does it say then?

Not a good demonstration

of my managerial skills.

But I just decided to bear down,

motivate my staff to raise their game...

andjust get more hands-on.

I was going to handle it. I was going

to keep my cool and handle anything.

I was going to handle it. I was going

to keep my cool and handle anything.

- Then something happened:: The Tater

Tot incident- - You're on the lot.

Provoked by what I call

the "Yoo-hoo smash. "

Full Yoo-hoo.

F***!

- That's assault! I'm callin' the police. You're gone!

- Suck my dick.

- You're f***ing gone.

All spiced up with a little Mace.

- I mean, what did he do? Did he grab you?

- He, like-

A bottle hit me,

and then he tugged at my shirt.

- He threw it?

- I don't know, someone in the group!

Hey, you Maced him full in the face.

He's in the hospital.

- Why don't you calm down?

- He hit me in the head with a bottle. It's out there.

Look, pal, there's a lot ofbottles out there.

What I know is, he's got a face

full of liquid frenzine...

his mom and dad are upset, and I'm tryin'

to figure out what he did to you.

They wanna talk to somebody-

an owner, they said.

I have to call the board.

Frig.

- Man, he grabbed me.

- Are you going to press charges?

I don't know. I have to talk to the board.

Are they? Can they?

I don't know.

The parents are upset.

Javier, what are you-

You just left these here?

The bag's damaged.

What, are they gonna melt?

Come on, man.

This is bullshit.

This... is...

bull...

- sh*t!

- Ow!

- Hey! Whoa!

- What?

- He's whippin' stuff at me.

- I was tossing them out. He walked right in front of me.

It hit me in the wrist.

They're heavy.

Ow. They're frozen.

- F*** you, Wehlner.

- What is your problem?

You want to file an in-store?

- What?

- An in-store. An in-store complaint?

Geez. I don't know. It just-

They're pretty dense.

They're frozen potatoes.

- Man, f*** you, Richard.

- What is your f'ing problem?

Something's wrong.

What's been bothering you?

You know, in the case

I don't get this job-

in a weird case

I don't get this job-

it's going to be four more years,

because there's no new store planned.

You're making too much of this new job.

I mean, I can go back to school-

there's night school-

and be a practitioner.

You don't need this pressure. We can do it

together, just like we've done everything so far.

Jen, I don't want you waiting for the bus

at night in February.

You already work two shifts.

Night school? You don't want to go back.

- I don't want to, but I will.

- You're not going to.

- Doug, look out!

- Oh, f***.

- Hey! Hey!

- Hey.

Hey! Hey!

What's your f***ing problem?

He has an issue with the coupons.

- What, man? What issue? - Y-You do not honor

the coupons anymore for his snacks, yeah?

- All right. I'll honor your coupons. Stop slapping me.

- Okay? Stop?

You can't go around slapping people.

What country are you from, Insane Land?

Hey, Jen.

- Hey, guy.

- Hey.

I wonder if anyone else here...

got slapped in the eyes yesterday

over a graham cracker snack?

Probably not.

I'm just gonna try to forget

about that particular embarrassment...

via some beers.

Hey. Wanna top me off there,

Teddy Grahams?

Are you enjoying your drink?

Then I started working

at the grocery, and-

You know, that's been pretty okay.

Because you can have

a family, you know?

And, uh, move up in administration.

Save a little money.

You know what I'm talkin' about.

- Yeah.

- You know?

So it's been good-

till this guy from Quebec

comes along.

You told me about that already.

- I did?

- Yeah.

Hey, I have an idea.

Let's get down sexually right now...

while you play the banjo.

- Good idea.

- Is that even possible?

Oh, that's the spot, dude.

- Oh, right on.

- I guess so.

I had to get up early that morning, too...

to write a Mace apology speech

for the community center.

I hadn't written a speech since Webelos.

"While on a courtesy patrol,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes