The Rambler Page #2

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- I don't get it.

- Oh, well, it's simple.

See, if you allow me

to sit you in this chair here

and then strap you into this mechanism here,

I will be able to display your dreams

on this monitor

and record them on VHS tape

for your own personal enjoyment.

You mean like sleep dreams?

Yes, yes.

I can't just go to sleep now.

I'm not even tired.

Ah.

I have sleeping gas.

I don't get the connection

between that...

Ah, I had to diversity, you see?

I had these mummies lying about,

and if, uh... well, people enjoy

that sort of thing.

You belong in jail.

( car engine starts )

- ( can crumples )

- ( man belches )

- Hey, I'll try.

- ( bottles crashing )

Ah!

( laughing )

( laughing )

Step right up.

Sit yourself into this chair here.

Nice coat.

Oh, thank you!

Colorful shirt.

- Thank you.

- All right.

Let me strap you in here.

What is your name, my friend?

- Kevin.

- Ah, Kevin.

Now let me put this on your head.

There you go.

- Is that comfortable?

- Yeah.

Good. All right.

Now...

- All right.

- ( machine rumbling )

I promise you, you will not be disappointed.

- ( chuckles )

- ( machine whirring )

Sweet dreams, my friend.

- ( machine squealing )

- ( gas hissing )

That's it.

- ( machine whirring )

- Easy now.

Breathe.

That's it, relax.

Good.

( ticking, crackling )

( bell clangs )

( whirring rises )

- ( whirring stops )

- ( music continues )

So what are you going to do with him?

Uh...

Mummery him, probably.

But I'm gonna need a drink.

( country music playing )

Uh, tequila from the well.

Uh, excuse me, miss?

Do you know that woman?

No.

The shape of her head is...

is near perfect.

It's... it's like a...

fleshy brunette planet.

You better tell her how you feel.

What's the buy-in?

Okay.

( taps cards )

Oh, come on, give me that.

Give me the cards, give me the cards.

Are you looking at my cards?

( music stops )

Are you in, Fat Man?

You see that man over there?

Rambler:

I see him.

That man is dangerous.

Sexually.

He does butt-type stuff to me.

Maybe you should do something.

It's guy stuff.

- Are you two f***ing done, man?

- ( feedback whines )

- ( music resumes )

- All in.

All in.

Me too.

( chips rattle )

Yeah!

Oh, f***, man!

Read 'em and weep, fellas!

( both laughing )

Oh, sh*t!

F***!

Hey, guys, anybody thirsty?

- Yeah, sure...

- Are you seriously talking

to the mother of my goddamn child?

- I ain't the mother of sh*t.

- Fat Man:
Hey!

- ( snarls )

- Rambler:
Argh! Damn it!

( screaming )

( hissing, grunting )

( both grunting )

( grunts )

Ah, excuse me.

( door slams )

Let's see that hand.

Ooh.

( sprayer hissing )

( sighs )

Your winnings.

Thanks.

Better hold on to your cash

around here, brother.

Let me look at that hand.

That hurt?

- Yeah.

- Ah, you'll do fine.

I'm Dale, by the way.

Hey, Dale.

Fine at what?

Son, how would you like

to fight a train-hopper

for some money?

I can get you two-to-one odds

based purely

on that spectacle you provided in there.

Now I've seen how fast you are.

This fella shouldn't give you much trouble.

Just make sure you hit him in the head.

A lot.

( faint cheering )

( crowd cheering )

Yeah, watch his left hook.

F***.

( spits )

I better take these off...

No, no, no.

Nah, nah, leave 'em.

They look cool.

Oh, and by the way, it has occurred to me

that this whole thing

is a little ill-conceived.

I'll take the blame for that.

I must have forgot about that damn hook.

( banging )

Try not to die, kid.

( all cheering )

Man:

Get in there!

Come on!

Show me something, princess.

Ho down, down

Ho down, dee

Red bird dance...

- F***, man!

- ( all shouting )

Ah!

Goin' down New Orleans

Red bird dancin' and a red bird sing

Red bird sing, red bird do

New Orleans

and a red bird blue...

( all jeering )

I been born

and I'm gonna die...

( static crackles )

Ahem.

I didn't like where that was going.

I didn't like where that went.

I guess I could have handled it differently,

but I had to get you out of there, man.

That hook, man, what a bummer.

Listen, I can get us three-to-one

in the next town over.

Mean son of a b*tch named Ernie.

But like I said, man, you got speed.

Just hit him in the head a bunch,

you'll do fine.

( groans )

( static crackles, indistinct talking )

Something I should tell you, son.

What's that?

You can't win this one.

Not possible.

He's f***in' fast.

Strong too, and big.

- You're gonna get your ass kicked.

- Mmm.

F***in' bad.

I padded the odds.

Bet on the other guy.

I'll cut you in, I promise.

- Round one!

- ( bangs )

( crowd cheering )

Referee:

Three, two, one...

Get up, man.

( all shouting )

( can banging )

- Round two!

- ( bangs )

( distorted yelling )

Stay down, man.

( silent )

( shouting resumes )

- Ah!

- Hey, man?

( grunting )

You gotta get the f*** out of here.

These a**holes will

probably cut your head off,

they find out they got hustled.

I got a really bad reputation around here,

so it's probably for the best.

Perhaps I should have told you

that I am completely untrustworthy.

But I guess on some level,

I thought you might have

sensed that about me.

( bills rustling )

Had a nice time with you, though.

( coin clatters )

( ringing )

Hello?

Rambler:

Hey, Susan?

Um, is that really you?

How'd you guess?

You sound just like your

brother on the phone.

I guess so.

So how's it going?

Oh, relatively well.

Got your letter.

Your brother's dying for a decent hand.

It's hard to come by these days.

Oh, yeah?

I bet.

Hey, is he around?

He's out back breaking a horse.

This gelding's so mad.

I'm actually interested to see

who's going to win this one.

Well, if he's still alive

when you next see him,

let him know I'm on my way.

I'll see you soon.

'Kay. Bye, Susan.

( crackling within )

( tubes whining )

( pops )

( static crackles )

( buzzing )

( music playing softly )

What you havin', stranger?

Uh, egg.

You got it.

Not bad, cowboy.

Ain't a cowboy.

You smell like one.

Yeah, you might have a point there.

How's that road treating you?

She's rough.

This was easy.

Don't push your luck.

( laughs )

Whoo!

( camera snaps )

( whistling, popping )

( fizzing, whistling )

( thumps )

Rambler:

I'm... out of money.

F***in' news flash.

I'll pay you back.

Whatever.

I'll pay you back, babe,

or something. I will.

Cashier:

Sale on merlot.

Been here for a while.

Hey.

You have yourself a nice day.

( door beeps )

( licking )

( beeping )

( all applauding )

( distorted )

( faint buzzing )

( static crackling )

Rambler:
You know what I don't get?

It's how fish gets here.

Girl:

I don't know, they fly.

- Brave fish.

- I'm braver than that.

Now you're going to have to prove it.

I'll do anything you dare me to do.

I swear.

Okay, then.

Jump in that water.

That's a command, not a dare.

Do I look like a dog to you?

Okay, fine...

I dare you to jump in that water.

All right. I will.

Ha!

Good job.

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