The Return of the Living Dead

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Hey, Frank! Let's wrap it up and go home.

What do you say?

I got another hour's work to do.

The kid'll stay, and I'll show him the ropes.

Okay. Lock up for me before you go?

Fourth of July weekend, buddy boy.

Got to move.

Yeah. You have a nice Fourth,

and I'll see you Sunday at the barbecue.

You'd better believe it.

I'll be there with bells on.

Kid, I wanna tell you something,

and I mean this sincerely.

No matter what happens,

don't name it after me.

Take it easy, Frank.

That Burt's a joker.

- Freddy, follow me and learn something.

- Okay.

We got an order here from

the St. Louis University Medical School.

They want two adult female skeletons

with perfect teeth.

That's a 2-AF-PT.

So you come over here to the "A" section.

That's "A" for adult, see?

Then that's divided up into two sections.

That's divided into the "M" for male

and the "F" for...

- Female.

- Good boy. Now the "PT."

Suppose you think that's "pretty tough."

But no, that's...

- Perfect teeth.

- Very good.

Now you get some excelsior over there

and lay it in that crate.

Make a nice little beddy-bye

for this little lady.

Okay.

Good work. We want her to be comfortable.

Now help me get her in. Grab her legs.

Okay.

Now you get some of that

Styrofoam popcorn, spread it all around.

Don't be stingy.

Uncle Burt's paying for this.

More, Freddy. Okay, that's fine.

Now spread it around. That's right.

- You're doing very nice work.

- Thanks.

You'll be fine in the warehouse business.

- Where do we get all these skeletons?

- They come from India.

- India?

- International treaty.

All skeletons come from India.

- No kidding. How come?

- How the hell do I know?

The important question is, where do they

get all the skeletons with perfect teeth?

I'm going to ask you a serious question.

How many people you know die...

with a beautiful, perfect

set of choppers in their puss?

Nobody I can think of.

No. I think there's a skeleton farm

over in India.

Jesus!

Come on, kid. Follow your uncle here.

Here we go. I don't have to tell you

what these are for.

Here we've got the prosthetic devices,

all around here.

- Look under there. Wheelchairs.

- Right. These are great.

Here's something you don't see very often.

You're a privileged person.

These are split dogs

for veterinarian schools.

- We get a lot of orders for split dogs.

- That's really rad.

Don't fool around, you're learning.

Over here, Freddy,

is where we keep the fresh cadavers.

We sell these to medical schools

and to the US Army for ballistic tests.

Say hello.

We usually got more inventory than this...

but we're expecting a shipment on Monday.

How many bodies are in here usually?

You don't want to be overstocked.

Like the restaurant business...

you don't want your inventory

to lose its freshness.

Tell you what I'll do, kid. Teach you

how to fill out these shipping forms.

Look alive.

- We gonna party tonight or what?

- We are gonna party.

- Where we gonna party?

- I don't know. Somewhere.

We can go to the park.

We can't. The cops will

shoot us if we go back to the park.

- I ain't in no mood to die tonight.

- I like death.

- I like death with sex. And you, Casey?

- Yeah, so f*** off and die.

When we gonna party tonight, Tina?

That'd be rad, but I have to meet Freddy

when he's done work.

- Where you supposed to meet him?

- At this medical supply warehouse.

No, he got a job? What a dick.

Sh*t, why didn't you say so?

Why don't we all go pick Freddy up?

He always knows

where there's a place to party.

Frank?

Yeah, kid?

What's the weirdest thing

you ever saw in here?

I have seen weird things come,

and I have seen weird things go.

But the weirdest thing I ever saw

just had to cap it all.

Yeah? What's that?

Let me ask you a question, kid.

Did you see that movie

Night of the Living Dead?

That's the one where the corpses

start eating the people, right?

Sure. What about it?

Did you know that movie

was based on a true case?

Come on, you're shitting me, right?

I've never been more serious in my life.

That's not possible. They showed

zombies taking over the world.

They changed it all around.

What really happened was...

back in 1969, in Pittsburgh,

at the VA hospital...

there was a chemical spill...

and all that stuff leaked down

into the morgue...

and it made all the dead bodies

jump around as though it was alive.

- What chemical?

- 245-Trioxin, it's called.

It was to spray on marijuana or something.

And the Darrow Chemical Company

was trying to develop it for the army.

And they told

the guy who made the movie...

that if he told the true story,

they'd just sue his ass off.

So he changed all the facts around.

What really happened?

They closed it all down...

and the army shipped

all that contaminated dirt...

and all those dead bodies out.

And they kept it a secret.

How come you know about it?

A typical army f***-up.

The transportation department got

the orders crossed...

and they shipped those bodies here...

instead of to the Darrow Chemical Company.

Hello?

Hi, honey.

No, I'll be home in about an hour.

You keep the pot roast hot, okay?

Sure, I love you too, honey.

Yeah. Kiss, kiss.

Wanna see them?

- See them?

- The corpses.

What are you talking about?

- They're down in the basement.

- No.

- Come on.

- No way.

Mind the third step. It's a b*tch.

They just brought the bodies here

and left them?

You know the army.

- They've been here all this time?

- 14 years, as I recall.

No kidding?

There they are.

There's bodies in there?

Sh*t. Look at that.

- You say that thing was alive?

- So they say.

Oh, God.

- Do these things leak?

- Hell, no.

These things were made

by the US Army Corps of Engineers.

- Hello, dear. How was your day?

- The usual, crap.

I'm sorry.

- What's for dinner?

- Your favorite, lamb chops.

I had them for lunch.

It's me checking in

from Station 3 at 1600...

make that 1601 hours.

I'll be home all evening. Right.

It's nerve-racking to live

around that equipment all the time.

They have to be able to reach me

24 hours a day, wherever I am.

- You know that.

- All that microwave stuff affects my oven.

When we find them,

you can have it taken out.

- But when will you find them?

- Christ, Ethel, I don't know.

Maybe we'll never find them.

We've been through all this before.

They could be anywhere.

- Where the f*** are we going?

- To party.

To pick up Freddy.

- What the f*** is Freddy up to these days?

- He got a job.

- No sh*t? What job?

- He's a stockroom clerk.

That sounds like a shitty job.

It isn't the President of the US,

but he makes money to buy stuff.

- Maybe he'll buy something from me.

- He don't like your kind of stuff, Suicide.

How come you guys only come by

when you need a ride?

'Cause you one spooky motherf***er.

You think I'm spooky?

What the f*** do you think you are?

- Man, what a hideous, ugly place.

- I like it. It's a statement.

- Come on, let's go get the prick.

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