The Return of the Pink Panther Page #5

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Well?

Here's to you,

Monsieur Gadbois.

Is that your

own parrot?

No.

It comes with the hotel.

Does it?

Someone let it out of its cage,

and I can't get it back in.

Hmm.

Oh, you need

another glass.

I most certainly do.

Swine parrot.

What is it you do,

Monsieur Gadbois?

Well, you know,

I do a little bit of this

and a little bit of that.

A man of mystery.

One might say that, yes.

I would of course tell you more,

but it would be safer for you

if I did not.

Are you all right?

Of course I'm all right.

Yes.

Excuse me.

For a moment I thought

I was in your apartment.

Hello?

I am in your apartment.

It's for you.

For me?

Oh.

Uh, there is

no need to leave...

on my account.

There's need to leave

on my account.

Hello?

Monsieur Gadbois?

Yes, this is Monsieur Gadbois.

Who is that speaking?

Don't you know?

Can't you guess?

I'll give you a clue.

This is the man who hates you.

This is the man who more

than anything would like

to see you dead and buried.

Are you the head waiter

that works at the little bistro

on the rue de Brossard?

No! This is Chief

Inspector Dreyfus!

Idiot!

You understand that anyone

could call up here and ask

for Monsieur Guy Gadbois,

and say that there were

Chief Inspector Dreyfus.

What is your code name?

Code name, huh?

Code name?

I don't have a code name.

I never had a code name, lunatic!

I understand that, sir,

but only the real Inspector Dreyfus...

would know that he

did not have a code name.

Clouseau, why are you

still in Switzerland?

Because I am here attempting

to interrogate Lady Litton.

I'm trying to find out

where her husband is.

Her husband is in Lugash.

- He's been there since Tuesday.

- Well, in that case, I will leave

on the next available plane.

Um, yes, sir, yes,

quite, quite.

I quite understand what you mean.

I'm not arguing with you about that.

That would be my advice

as well. Yes, absolutely.

But, um-

Yes, and I can understand your

feeling under the circumstances.

Absolutely.

Yes, that is quite right.

But I must say to you, sir,

whatever your feelings are,

you must not call me here...

at any hour of the night or day,

even in an emergency.

- Little bit of this and a little bit

of that add up sometimes.

Thank you.

Did I understand you just said you

were leaving on the next plane?

Regrettably, yes. Yes.

One of life's little

tragedies, you know.

Oh.

So, until we meet again,

I will say, here is

looking at you, kid.

Is anything the matter?

Yeah.

Strange taste.

Well, au revoir.

Au revoir.

The concierge, please.

Monsieur Gadbois's room.

Oh, no.

- Yes!

- Clouseau.

Since you have seen fit

to disregard my orders

and remain in Switzerland-

- Uh-

- Don't interrupt! I want

you to arrest Lady Litton.

Arrest the Lady Litton?

Immediately.

If she's not in your custody

within five minutes,

you'll be checking

parking meters in Martinique.

Yes, sir.

Five minutes?

No, Cato, you fool.

This is not the time.

This is not the time, Cato.

Come out of there.

Come out of there.

This is the time.

You stupid fool. You forgot

the first rule of self-defense.

Never allow yourself

to be taken by surprise.

I didn't expect to see you

out of the hospital so soon.

My brown suit.

Give me the valet.

I see they've done

an excellent job of restoration

on your little yellow skin.

Valet, this is Inspector Clouseau.

Please send up my brow-

Well, please send down my brown

suit immediately. I cannot wait.

Well, as quick as you possibly can.

Quicker, please. Thank you.

I can't wait for them.

Help me get dressed.

I have to go and arrest Lady

Litton. Arrest Lady Litton,

but on what charge?

All, all.

This is Inspector Clouseau.

Please connect me with Paris,

France. Trocadero, 3-7-1 -

All. Oui?

What? Who?

Oh. Yes, yes, okay,

I'll accept it.

All, Clouseau.

No, he's not here.

He's on vacation.

He won't be back for a week.

But I just spoke with him,

and he instructed me to arrest

Lady Litton immediately.

What? Yes.

That's very easy for you to say.

Yeah, I would be delighted

to arrest her, yes.

But on what charge?

It could be very embarrassing

for me if I go to her and say,

"Lady Litton, I arrest you," and

she says, "On what charge?"

and I do not have the answer.

What? Oh, yes.

And the same to you!

Filthy swine.

Cato, very strange.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

calls me up,

tells me to go and arrest

Lady Litton immediately,

without a charge.

I call him back,

I find he's not in his office.

Even stranger, I find

he's gone away on vacation.

Cato, things are

very fishy in Denmark.

Switzerland.

Yes, there too.

No more. No more.

I've had enough.

This time it ends with a bullet

in his brain. Brain?

Bonjour.

Shh, shh.

Oui. Merci beaucoup.

Bonjour, madame.

Breakfast. Voila.

Leave it over there.

I'll sign for it later.

How about a little tip?

Charles, darling.

Mmm. Mmm.

All right, all right.

Now, where is it?

After all these years

you need to ask?

I'm quite serious.

Oh, I hope so.

You hotel waiters lead

such interesting lives.

No, no, no, no.

Not now, darling.

Now, please, where is it?

Hmm?

That depends on what

you're looking for.

Now, come on, Claudine.

Now, where is it?

I'm losing patience.

I should ask the hotel

to send up another waiter.

I should like very much...

if you would hand me over

the Pink Panther,

if it is not too much trouble.

How did you find

out so quickly?

Feminine intuition.

I thought it would take you

at least another week.

You know, you are very good

at what you do.

Thank you.

I was prepared to surrender

my body to Clouseau

if it was necessary.

Why did you do it?

I didn't. I said

I was prepared to.

Aren't you a little

bit proud of me?

You nearly had me killed.

It's better than

dying of boredom.

Me, bored with you?

I'm sorry, darling.

It's just that

I never realized...

how tedious life could be...

for a retired jewel thief.

Yuck.

Clever little beast.

Better than

the hotel safe.

Now tell me,

how did you find out

it was me?

Well, there's...

something about a wife,

even with a beard.

Now, come on, darling.

Hmm?

It's time to get dressed,

pack and go home.

Mmm.

Now, come on, darling-

Oh.

Forgive the intrusion, madam,

but you see before you

a very disillusioned man.

Disillusioned

and with a gun.

He's obviously not

with the hotel.

No, no.

Allow me to introduce

Sir Colonel Sharki

of the Lugash Secret Police.

Aha. That explains

the gun.

Hmm.

I foolishly believed

that your husband

was a man of integrity.

Oh, that

was foolish.

Oh, thank you.

You see, your husband and I,

we had an arrangement.

He was to do certain things,

and if he didn't-

You were to do

certain things.

Regrettably.

Coffee, darling. I'm sorry.

There's only one cup.

I know I'm going to be

sorry I asked this, but, uh,

want to give me

a for instance?

First, you will hand over

the Pink Panther.

And second?

- I will be forced to shoot you.

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