The Return of the Pink Panther Page #4

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And if you can prove

that you are not guilty-

You have a bad leg?

Oh, it's nothing.

If you can prove you're not guilty,

then I am in serious trouble.

Because of the religious

significance of the Pink Panther,

it's imperative to the government

that sooner or later...

the thief be apprehended

and the jewel returned.

But you would prefer it

to be later than sooner?

I can't tell you how reassuring

it is to know that we

understand each other so well.

And if... I do...

catch the thief?

Oh.

I have every confidence

that you will.

How does the saying go,

"Set a thief

to catch a thief"?

Good night, Dr. Tanney.

You hate him?

Yes, I hate him all right.

How much do you hate him?

How much?

How high is up?

I hate every little

molecule in his body.

You'd like to kill him?

To kill him?

Oh, God, yes, to kill him.

Why don't you?

Oh, to kill him.

What? Why don't I?

It's not so easy. You try it.

I mean, kill him

psychically.

Ridiculous.

Why?

Because there's nothing I can do

psychically that would have

the slightest effect on him.

Why not?

Why not? Because he's

got the brain of a "minkey."

"Minkey?"

What?

You said "minkey."

I did?

You see, I'm beginning

to talk like him.

No, Doctor. You'd better come up

with a better suggestion, or

I'll get myself another analyst.

Now, just relax.

Relax.

I haven't slept for a week.

I just lie there,

thinking the same thoughts

over and over and over again.

Describe your thoughts.

Get them out in the open.

You'll feel much better.

All right.

See, it's always the same.

Clouseau is sitting there,

in a chair, just like you,

with his back to me.

And then suddenly,

my hands go round his throat,

and I begin to squeeze.

It's wonderful. It's marvelous.

I'm squeezing.

And the more I squeeze,

the freer I feel.

I'm in ecstasy.

And then suddenly-

suddenly my problem

is "solv-ved."

Doctor.

Doctor!

Sir Charles arrived at my office

this morning at 10:00, and we

reviewed all the evidence to date.

He was interested.

Asked all the right questions.

Then I showed him the film...

taken from the museum's

hidden monitoring cameras.

This was the last group

to go through the museum

before it was robbed.

You recognize any

of these people?

No.

No.

He appeared to study

the film very carefully,

and he claimed not to

recognize any one of them.

No.

We questioned

him three times about each one.

No.

You sure?

Absolutely.

This one?

No.

How about that one?

No!

Each time the results

were identical.

Little or no stress until

questioned about number three.

Then, hard stress.

Number three?

A young man.

The museum guide remembers him.

Good morning.

It could be better.

How?

You could go... away.

All right.

But first,

I'll need your truck.

I haven't got a truck anymore.

I sold it.

Wh-Wh-What do you

want it for?

You're gonna help me

get across the border.

It's impossible.

The border is closed.

You have to have a special pass.

Then get one.

It's out of the question.

If I go to the Fat Man

to buy a special pass

he wants to know the reason.

Then tell him that

I've threatened your life,

unless you help me

to get across the border.

Tell him that for half

the sum of the reward,

plus a forged pass to

get you out of the country,

you will deliver me

into an ambush at some

prenamed place...

of the Fat Man's choosing

this side of the border.

What if he doesn't

believe me?

I'm sure you'll be able

to convince him.

And if,

my dear Pepi,

you double-cross me,

it'll be a very long while

before you give

your next piano recital.

Yes?

You asked me to keep you informed

of Lady Litton's activities.

Yes.

Well, she's going

skiing at 2:
00.

Skiing in this weather?

On the glacier.

On the glacier?

Psst.

How long have you

been a bellboy?

Oh. Too long, monsieur.

Keep up this good work

and very soon I will see to it

that you become a "bellman."

Ah, bonjour, milady.

Hello. Good afternoon.

I've changed my mind

about the skiing. I'm going to

the tennis matches instead.

Ah, yes.

If my husband calls,

tell him I'll be back around 4:00.

Oui, madame.

Thank you.

Hello.

Guten Tag.

Hello.

Wie geht's?

Wie geht's?

Swine bird.

That is my private mustache,

you naughty bird.

Schwein.

No, no, no, wait. It's me,

Inspector Clouseau of the Suret.

She's coming.

Yes, in the elevator.

What?

Oh, de-

Hello?

What are we going to do?

What are we going to do?

She's coming.

I'm so sorry.

I'm-

Oh, come in, please.

Some towels you have, bitte?

Oh, yes. I'll-

I'll go get them.

What are you doing?

Wie geht's?

Staubzucker.

Staubzucker.

Halt. Out.

Schnell. Schnell!

Mein Gott.

Guten tag.

Wie geht's?

What took you so long?

The Fat Man does not convince

so easily or so quickly.

Oh, but you've managed.

Here is the pass.

And, uh,

you gave him?

Oh, as you suggested.

For- For the pass and half of the

reward, I will hand you over.

Quickly,

we must hurry.

Where?

What?

Where did you agree

to hand me over?

The Fat Man will be waiting

at the point one mile south

of the roadway...

seven miles

from the border.

I know the place precisely.

I will avoid it absolutely.

Quick, we must hurry.

No, um, after you.

What?

Try "why."

Why?

Shh.

Because I know you precisely

and doubt you absolutely.

Sir Charles, please.

Please, Sir Charles.

Now don't worry.

As long as you've told the truth

there's nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about.

Yes. Right?

Oh, be careful.

Ah, thank you very much.

Open it.

Be careful.

He tricked me.

From the gentlemen

at the bar, madam.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Monsieur Guy Gadbois...

at your service.

How do you do?

I'm Lady Litton.

Yes, I know.

Oh.

I took the liberty of finding out.

I hope you are not offended.

That depends

on your intentions.

Strictly honorable,

I can assure you.

A man sees a beautiful chick,

and he can't help but be

inquisitive, you know.

Would you think it

naughty of me if I offered...

to buy you a drink?

But you already have.

I knew that.

How about I buy myself one,

and we drink it together, huh?

All right.

Waiter, another Kahlua

and ginger ale, please.

Well,

if there is a Lady Litton

there must be "leud."

A what?

"Leud" Litton.

Oh, yes, he's in, uh-

Yes?

plastics.

Oh, the plastic.

In, uh-

Yes?

industrial plastics.

Aah.

Very interesting.

Well,

here is looking at you, kid.

You have anything

to declare?

Nothing.

You may proceed.

I come here very often.

I come here for the winter sports,

for the skiing.

So do I.

Why have we never met?

Well, it's quite simple really.

I get up at the crack of da-

Ooh, I'm so terribly sorry about that.

I get up at the crack of dawn

always. Up the mountain,

down the slopes, on the piste.

You must be

a very good skier.

Well, I started

when I was a mere

babe in arms.

I could ski before

I could even crawl.

Terribly sorry. I beg your pardon.

It's all right.

This hotel is deteriorating rapidly.

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