The Revenant Page #4

Huh? Huh? Who does that

sound like, right?

Zombies are automatons with

little to no mental functions, - you...

limited reasoning power, - you...

and virtually no innate drive, - again,

you...

aside from the urge to feed on

the flesh or brains of the living.

So I'm a zombie.

No.

Horst in 'Schriften und Hypothesen ber

die Vampyren' defines a vampire as

a dead body which continues

to live in the grave,

which it leaves, however, by night

for the purpose of sucking

the blood of the living,

whereby it is nourished,

preserved in good condition,

instead of becoming decomposed

like other dead bodies.

And Scoffern in 'Stray Leaves

of Science And Folklore' writes,

The best definition

I can give of a vampire

is a living, mischievous

and murderous dead body.

A living dead body.

So I'm a vampire.

You're a revenant.

A revenant?

One who returns from the dead

in corporeal form.

Yeah. Yeah, that's me.

So, what the hell do you do...

drink holy water and recite

the Lord's Prayer backwards, what?

There is, er, one...one cure

and that is chopping off your head

and driving a stake

through your body.

Well... Oh, f***!

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(HOARSELY) F***.

(SIGHS) So, what are we gonna do?

JOEY:
Here we go, here we go.

Here we go.

Hey, man, how you doing, huh?

Hey, man, we got

some work for you. Hop in.

Oh, thank you very much, sir,

but how about just some money

so I can buy some food?

Please don't touch the car.

We'll give you some food, OK?

So come on in, we got food for you.

Oh...no, man. Thanks.

How about just a dollar, maybe $2.

OK.

Well, here's the thing - your sign says

you will work for food.

So we've got work for you,

then we're gonna give you some food...

you'll work for food.

You understand what I mean?

So come on in.

Hey, man, I'm just trying

to make ends meet, you know.

So you will work for food?

Money would be better.

I mean, I'm just trying

to make things happen,

and kind of burn the candle

at both ends.

Burn the candle at both ends?

Burn the candle at both ends.

So whoa, whoa, whoa,

let's revisit this for a moment OK?

What do you mean 'missed'?

You want me to kill them?

These are the dregs of society.

They have no jobs, no family,

you know what I'm saying?

They make no contribution whatsoever.

You think someone's gonna notice

if they don't show up

at the freeway exit ramp one day?

I'm not killing anybody.

You gone f***ing crazy?

You know what, maybe I am crazy.

You show up, come back

from the dead magically,

soliciting my help to procure

human blood so you don't rot.

Yeah, crazy -

reasonable explanation.

Here we go, filthy meal coming up.

Hey, there, pops,

got some work for you for food.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why don't you hop in, OK?

How about some money, man?

Give me some money.

No, no, no, no.

We have food for you

if you work for us, like the sign says...

you know, the sign

that you're holding?

What?

The sign.

What?

Will work for food.

Who the f*** do you think I am,

your n*gger'?!

Oh, wow.

Get outta the car, white boy!

Alright, alright. Alright.

Outta the car! Put them up.

OK.

Hey, will you work for food?

I don't do that sh*t, man.

Huh?

I ain't no f*ggot,

I don't do that sh*t.

No, no, no, no, I"

Hey, you're looking for Boystown -

Santa Monica Boulevard.

Now get the f*** out of here

before I give you something

else to think about.

You f*ggot motherf***er!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa! Whoa!

Get the f*** off!

This is working out great, Joe.

What have you got next?

I'm sorry, man.

I mean, I'm surprised nobody responded

to my Craigslist ad...

What, really?

Yeah.

That surprises me.

Everybody responds to those things.

I know.

Huh, what are you gonna do?

(RETCHES) ohhh.

Jesus!

(VOMITS LOUDLY)

Oh, what is wrong with you?

(GROANS)

F***.

I don't know what that's about.

We gotta figure it out soon.

MAN:
Hey, bro! Bro! Just wait a sec.

(MUTTERS) Get in the car.

You know what time it is?

(MUTTERS) Get in the car.

Start the car.

No watch.

Yeah, I think it's, like, 2:00.

They're just closing up

in there, so...

Oh, thanks. Thanks.

Hey, bro, you look kinda...kinda sick.

I saw you throwing up.

Ese, you alright?

No, no.

Actually, I lost my watch.

Yeah, I got it, though.

Oh. OK.

(JOEY WHISPERS) Hey, let's go.

Hey, man, I'm selling watches, ese.

You wanna see these watches, man?

You might like one. Hey, check this out.

Give me your money, ese!

F***.

(BREATHES DEEPLY) Look...

Give me the money, ese!

I don't have any money, man.

F*** you! I said give me your money.

F*** you, I don't have any money.

We spent it all on hookers and blow!

Ah!

Hookers and blow, huh?

Hookers and...

Turn your punk ass around, ese.

Hookers? You maricones

are here for hookers?

P*ssy?

That's right.

Mexican p*ssy?

(SIGHS)

What, you faggots can't find

no p*ssy in Brentwood,

you gotta come down here

to my barrio?

Do we really look like

we're from Brentwood?

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

Did you come down here

for Mexican p*ssy or not'?!

Would you please not point

that f***ing gun at me?

Shut your f***ing mouth!

Did you come down here

for Mexican choncha?

No, we did not come down here

for Mexican choncha.

You didn't f*** no Mexican girls?

No.

No, we didn't f*** any Mexican girls.

Why not?

What?

What, Mexican choncha is not

good enough for you, huh, cracker?

They don't smell right?

No...

They don't smell right,

is that what you're saying?

No, they smell great. Mexican...

Mexican choncha smells great.

Smells...smells good?

Mexican women are beautiful.

So you did come down here

for some p*ssy,

for some Mexican p*ssy.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

Hey, back up, ese! Back up!

Holy sh*t!

Holy sh*t! Bart!

Back up, little boy.

You want two in you?

No.

(GROANS) You want two in you?

Then give me your sh*t.

OK.

Let's go, Casper. Give me your sh*t.

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

What the f***? (BREATHES HEAVILY)

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

I f***ing killed you, ese!

(GROANS AND COUGHS)

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

(SIRENS WAIL DISTANTLY) Ah!

I killed you, ese!

Take that!

Ese.

Holy sh*t, Bart. You OK?

(GROANS)

Whoa.

You alright?

(GROANS) No.

Dude, you got shot. A lot.

Dude, he shot you with his gun.

This is a trip! Look at you!

Oh, my... Oh, yo, OK. Alright.

Alright, we gotta...

We gotta get outta here, dude,

we gotta get outta here right now.

What?

We gotta go. Come on, we gotta go.

Take him, take him.

Get him, get him, get him.

What are you talking about?

We gotta go.

You need him, trust me. Come on.

Help me out, help me out.

Jesus.

Come on, get him.

Ready? Go.

(BOTH GRUNT)

(GROANS)

Alright, get him in there.

Oh, daddy's gonna eat.

Baby's gonna have a nice meal.

Oh, my God, that ruled!

Oh, my God, I can't even believe it!

That is so awesome, buddy.

You got dinner, buddy. Nice!

Yeah, that gangbanging motherf***er

f***ed with the wrong

f***ing gringos, huh?

You didn't see that one coming,

did you, ese, huh?

Maricn, huh? (LAUGHS)

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