The Right Kind of Wrong Page #4

high ground to this a**hole.

We are adults and adults

do not sh*t-kick.

That's exactly it.

There it was.

In the very window

where I'd fantasized, for years,

about having my book.

One final symbolic kick in the nuts.

Not that I let it bother me.

That hurt, you little peckers!

You just got popped, old man.

And to teach you a lesson

not to chase another man's wife,

we're gonna stomp you, too.

Okay.

Okay. 'Cause I don't fight kids.

Especially nice kids.

Who are gonna grow up

to do amazing things.

Is that sarcasm?

Yeah.

The way you're blindly following

this dip-sh*t,

I see remedial classes and meth mouth.

Aah!

Snow...

Hey...

What are you doing?

What are you doing here?

I miss you so much.

That is my cat! Get your

vagrant hands off her!

Hey!

I raised that cat.

That's my and Julie's cat!

My God, it is you.

Pfft! You look rough.

Julie gave Snow to me

before she moved to Malibu.

Alright, thisthis has to stop!

'Cause you just got. You just got

whooped by an army of children.

You are so wrong.

When I fought for Poojah, it got messy,

but it was all worth it.

Even...

after she died.

Hey, don't look like that!

It makes me happy to talk about

her. She's still with me.

In Ravi and Pia.

Having her was worth losing her.

Sometimes you just know.

I love you, Mandeep!

I can't believe Julie broke your guitar.

She didn't.

It got stolen.

- Nah!

- No.

It's on the blog. She broke it then put

it in a dumpster behind Jamba Juice.

- Yeah.

- I loved that guitar!

She's a horrible woman.

But I love you guys.

Oh.

- What?

- What? What's up?

- Tell him!

- No!

- Tell him!

- Okay! Alright, okay. There's a section on the blog

where Julie talks about all the dumb

stuff you did when you were drunk.

- Like on your honeymoon in Paris, when you pooped yourself.

- I had heat stroke!

Bit it was mostly just how you get

emotional all the time and say I love you.

Usually to Neil and I.

So someone started a drinking game.

- How's it work?

- It's very simple. They go into a pub.

If you're in the pub, you're drinking and

you say "I love you," then they drink.

No, no, no, no, no.

- Leo, no. Come on.

- No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no! No.

You're a**holes!

You know that?

But I love you.

It's Julie. Leave a message

I saw Snow.

I let you take her in case

you got lonely out there.

You know, I mistakenly

thought you had some,

God!...tiny bit of heart left.

And they were a couple!

And you, you punished

them for our mistakes.

And you...

Just a nasty person.

Sean Cooper's telling everyone

he and his friends beat up Leo.

Maybe someone needs to convince

them he's a badass mofo.

Do you smell curry?

You beat up Leo Palamino.

- You should know who he is.

- Yeah?

- Who is he?

- Our dealer.

You name it. Baby Bhang.

Lumber. Bambalacha.

We blow a stick of moocah

with him all the time.

He has a greenhouse in his

house where he grows it.

You don't mess with someone

who's been booting

the gong, they can overreact.

- He didn't react at all last night.

- Spring the giggle,

- your reflexes get slow.

- But he'll hit you back. Trust me.

I'm gonna blow the roof off a Colorado

cocktail before social studies.

Spark it up, but don't Bogart it.

What was that?

Kingsley!

I told you not to sell him

any more tickets, Kingsley!

You're my front line of defense

against this idiot!

I know. But he got beat up.

Also, I slept with him last year.

So I might be a sort of compromised

front line of defense.

- Great at oral. - Didn't ask.

- But you wanted to.

And I'm not talking about a little booty

kiss to say "I'm a giver, let's ball."

Thanks for calling me, Cooper.

I thought you'd want to see him.

Whoo!

You look rough, pal.

I've never seen anything like it.

- Is he a polar bear?

- No. A ghost bear.

A black bear with a rare recessive gene.

They survived only because

the Kitasoo Indians

in the Great Bear Rainforest.

The only place in the world

they live. Think they're magic.

So they protect them.

He's a long way from home.

That bear... is proof

of the impossible.

- A moment?

- That's right.

Couched in wildlife trivia

and a rare animal sighting.

You know, I've pitied him long enough.

Finally. Let's have some fun!

What does he have we can take?

Therein lies the problem.

Didn't you say you represent the

management company who owns his house?

Yeah, but to evict, you gotta give him

60 days unless he's broken the lease.

- Hey!- Hey, Sean.

- Hey, what's up, bro?

You didn't tell me

he's a drug dealer, dick!

What?

These dorks at school told me.

He even has a greenhouse.

You don't say.

Officer. Prettier

of the Troys.

F*** you, dishwasher.

Mr. Palamino, do you have

marijuana on the premises?

One plant.

For my cat's arthritis.

- Is this a joke to you?

- No it helps him a lot.

- Right, Balls?

- Your cat's name is Balls?

With arthritis, shouldn't

that be Swollen Balls?

Yeah, joint pain...

hilarious.

I don't know what this is, but

I don't want to be a part of it.

Just lose the plant.

I probably won't.

Just being honest.

And I probably won't give a sh*t.

- You sure got me.

- Yeah. Actually, I did.

You admitted to an officer of the

law to drugs on the premises.

That's a violation of your lease.

Which gives you 24 hours

to vacate, a**hole.

Have a great day.

You sure there's enough room?

Room? There's lots of room!

Pia wants you to have her bed.

Stay as long as you like.

Okay.

Pfft!

Hey, man.

This is just going to be

for a couple nights. Okay?

At least you don't have to worry

about getting beat up anymore.

- Why's that?

- Because we told them you were a drug dealer.

Thanks, Ravi.

During Prohibition,

that river bank was the drop-off

for black market whiskey.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Why'd you steal the newspaper?

I took pity on you and let you

come on the tour. Don't wear it out.

- Your little 'f*** you' to the man?

- I forgot to pay.

Like you do every day?

Change of plans, folks.

Behind me you'll see a set of stairs.

There's a view up there

that is well worth the climb.

- What about him?

- He's afraid of heights.

Pathetic, isn't it?

There's a hilarious chapter

about it in a book I'm reading.

"In my early twenties,

"I thought Leo's blanket distrust

of anyone with authority

"was the mark of an original mind.

"Okay, I thought his strongly held views,

"always firmly on the side

of the underdog,

"were the expression

of something pure and true.

"Then I came to see that,

more often than not,

"Leo's muddled politics...

"...were expressed in drunken

rants "about sport hunters,

"the Christian Right and wars

he knew little

to nothing about."

Hey, how 'bout we take a break

from the out-loud reading?

Did you really make her have

sex at her aunt's funeral?

I did not make her.

Why you. She didn't even

like that aunt.

You guys don't understand what it's like

to read a person's thoughts...

so well-organized in chapters

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