The Ritz

Synopsis: On his deathbed Carmine Vespucci's father tells him to "get Proclo". With "the hit" on, Gaetano tells a cab driver to take him where Carmine can't find him. He arrives at the Ritz, a gay bathhouse where he is pursued amorously by "chubby chaser" Paul B. Price and by entertainer Googie Gomez who believes him to be a broadway producer. His guides through the Ritz are gatekeeper Abe, habitue Chris, and bellhop/go-go-boys Tiger and Duff. Squeaky-voiced detective Michael Brick and his employer Carmine do locate Gateano at the Ritz, as does his wife Vivian.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Richard Lester
Production: Warner Home Video
  Nominated for 3 Golden Globes. Another 2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.7
Rotten Tomatoes:
50%
R
Year:
1976
91 min
478 Views


CARMINE:

Holy Mary, Mother of God...

...pray for us sinners now

and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women and...

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou.

Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners in our death.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with

thee. Blessed art thou among women...

[SPRAYS]

[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]

I wanna go back to Cleveland.

PROCLO:
Your grandfather

is very sick, sweetheart.

Papa!

Viv, don't. Please, viv.

- Daddy.

- Yes, angel?

Who are all these people?

PROCLO:

Your relatives, sweetheart.

GILDA:

I don't like them.

[DOOR OPENS]

Carmine.

Vivian.

Vieni qua.

VIVIAN:

No!

Vivian.

VIVIAN:
Speak to us, Papa.

CARMINE:
Give us your blessing.

Vivian.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

Oh, yes, Papa.

Get Proclo.

VIVIAN:

Get Proclo, Papa?

Yes, Papa. He's just outside.

I'll bring him in for your blessing.

Oh, Papa, he'll be so pleased.

He thought you hated him

all these years.

Oh, Papa.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

- Carmine.

- Yes, Papa. I'm here, Papa.

Get Proclo.

Get Proclo, Papa?

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Kill him. Kill the son of a b*tch.

Papa, he's my husband.

Get Proclo.

[COUGHING]

- Papa!

- Aah!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING

AND DoG BARKING]

Get Proclo?

[CHURCH BELLS CHIMING]

That's 219 coming up, 219.

BEN:
Good evening.

- Yeah.

BEN:
Nasty night.

- Is it?

I'm one big puddle.

Well, watch where you're dripping,

I just mopped.

Sorry. I'd like a room, please.

Sure you would.

So you can go drip in there.

Ten bucks.

You sign the registration.

- I'll check your valuables.

BEN:
I know.

You're dripping.

- What?

- I said, "You're dripping."

Well, of course I'm dripping.

It's pouring out there.

Well, try not to.

They don't like you dripping here.

Thank you.

See you.

- Hope not.

- That's 416, coming up.

- That is 416.

- Well, that's a good floor for that one.

Nobody ever goes up there.

Well, look who's back.

Hello, stranger.

Hello, Abe.

Oh, no.

- I thought you'd sworn off this place.

- Well, I thought I had too.

ABE:

You got homesick for us, right?

Didn't have much choice.

Been barred from the Atheneum.

ABE:
Come on. Nobody gets

barred from the Atheneum.

How did you manage that?

- Well, there was this man there...

- A fat man, right?

Fat?

He was the Magic Mountain.

He drove me into one of my frenzies.

I went berserk and kicked his door open.

So they threw me out,

told me never to come back.

I was willing to pay for it.

I just wanted to talk. You know how I am.

- Hey, you wanna check that?

- Oh, no, no. That's my costume.

I'm entered in a talent contest tonight.

It's good to be back, Abe.

I feel strangely optimistic

about this evening.

- Yeah, well, don't kick any doors in.

- I hope I don't have to.

Driver, I left my money.

Will you wait? I'll be right back.

320 coming up. That is 320.

- I'd...

- Good evening, I wonder...

There's a line, buddy.

CHUCK:
There's a line.

- Surely.

I'd prefer something on 3.

Did they ever put you on 4?

It's Siberia up there.

Thank you.

That's 421 coming up. That is 421.

Hey, can you...? Could...? Could...?

Could you...?

Can you cash a check for me?

It's on ohio State National.

What do I look like, a teller?

You don't understand.

I got a cab waiting. I'll be back.

I am planning to come here.

That's why I got a cab to go

somewhere and stay. I've come, see?

ABE:

You got a credit card?

PROCLO:
Right here, yeah.

- I can take that.

Yeah, well, he can't.

[HoRN HoNKING]

You hear that? That's him.

Look, I got all the identification

in the world.

Blue Cross, Rotary Club,

driver's license.

Here. Here's my business card.

"Proclo Sanitation Services,

Gaetano Proclo, president."

That's me.

- I'm sorry.

PROCLO:
Oh, come on.

Do I look like someone

who would try to pass a bad check?

Yeah.

Yeah, of course I do.

Now can you see me?

Everything else is real.

Who are you running from?

My maniac brother-in-law who's gonna

kill me tonight if he can find me.

You're looking at a potential dead man.

I'm begging you.

It's a matter of life and death.

CHRIS:

Hey, all right.

- Does anybody have a cab waiting?

PROCLO:
What?

- Is that your cab out there?

PROCLO:
Yeah.

You've also got

one very pissed off driver.

PROCLO:

How pissed off is he?

On a 10 scale, 10.

Darn it.

Please!

Well, I really shouldn't

be doing this, but...

- You're a good man...?

- Abe.

Abe.

Abe, I'm gonna have a novena said

for you when I get back to Cleveland.

- What's your last name? Abe what?

- Leftkowitz.

I'll still have a novena said for you

when I get back.

Thank you. Excuse me.

[HoRN HoNKING]

I had a novena said for me once.

- I asked to wake up gorgeous.

ABE:
So, what happened?

Well, look at me.

[CHUCKLING]

- Hey, Chris, you wanna sign in?

- You bet I will.

- How is that gorgeous son of yours?

- You're too late, he's getting married.

- Terrific. You give him my love, will you?

- Sure thing.

- He need someone to practice with?

- He's been practicing.

- That's why he has to get married.

- Yeah.

Well, compared to me, Abe,

she would have to be an amateur.

Ronald Reagan? Oh, come on, Chris.

Oh, you know he used to be lovers

with John wayne.

ABE:

Sure he did.

Right after he broke up

with Xavier Cugat.

People like you think the world

is queer.

Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.

[CAB DRIvER LAUGHING]

All right.

CAB DRIvER:

Change a 10.

He can't change a 10. Do you believe it?

New York City, one of the great cities of the

world. This driver I have can't change a 10.

Hey, did I ever have you?

- What?

- I've got a rotten memory that way.

- You never used to live in Rego Park?

- No.

CHRIS:
You look like someone

I knew from Rego Park.

PROCLO:
I'm afraid not.

CHRIS:
He was a large man like you.

He was in ladies shoes, I remember.

Well, I'm from Cleveland

and I'm in refuse. Excuse me.

CHRIS:

I guess not, then. Sorry.

PROCLO:

Perfectly all right.

A gay garbage man?

You never can tell.

That's so true. I mean, look at me.

If you just saw me walking down the street

you'd think I was a queen.

[WHISTLE BLowlNG]

Try to hold out, men. Help is on the way!

340 coming up. That is 340.

She's here, boys.

[IN HIGH volCE]

I'd like a room, please.

One of your private rooms.

How much is that?

ABE:
You want what?

- A room.

- I was told you had private rooms?

- Yeah, we got rooms.

Well, then I'd like one, sir.

How much is that?

How long?

- Is what?

- How long do you want the room for?

Three or four hours should be sufficient

for my purposes.

I don't care what your purposes are.

Twelve is our minimum.

- All right, 12 then, sir.

- All right, that's 10 bucks.

You check your valuables

and sign the register.

Tell me something.

Has a...

Balding, middle-aged, fat man

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Terrence McNally

Terrence McNally (born November 3, 1938) is an American playwright, librettist, and screenwriter. McNally has been described as "a probing and enduring dramatist" and "one of the greatest contemporary playwrights the theater world has yet produced". He has received the Tony Award for Best Play for Love! Valour! Compassion! and Master Class, as well as the Tony Award for Best Book of a Musical for Kiss of the Spider Woman and Ragtime. His other accolades include an Emmy Award, two Guggenheim Fellowships, a Rockefeller Grant, four Drama Desk Awards, two Lucille Lortel Awards, two Obie Awards, three Hull-Warriner Awards, and a citation from the American Academy of Arts and Letters. He is a recipient of the Dramatists Guild Lifetime Achievement Award as well as the Lucille Lortel Lifetime Achievement Award. In 2016, the Lotos Club honored McNally at their annual "State Dinner," which has previously honored such luminaries as W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan, George M. Cohan, Moss Hart, Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein, Saul Bellow, and Arthur Miller. In addition to his award-winning plays and musicals, he also written two operas, multiple screenplays, teleplays, and a memoir.He has been a member of the Council of the Dramatists Guild since 1970 and served as vice-president from 1981 to 2001, and was inducted into the American Theater Hall of Fame in 1996. In 1998, McNally was awarded an honorary degree from The Juilliard School in recognition for reviving The Lily Acheson Wallace American Playwrights Program with the playwright, John Guare. In 2013, he returned to his alma mater, Columbia University, where he was the keynote speaker of the graduating class of 2013 on Class Day. He is a 2018 inductee of the American Academy of Arts and Letters. The honor of election is considered the highest form of recognition of artistic merit in the United States.He has a career spanning six decades, and his plays, musicals, and operas are routinely performed all over the world. The diversity and range of his work is remarkable, with McNally resisting identification with any particular cultural scene. Simultaneously active in the regional and off-Broadway theatre movements as well as Broadway, he is one of the few playwrights of his generation to have successfully passed from the avant-garde to mainstream acclaim. His work centers on the difficulties of and urgent need for human connection. For McNally, the most important function of theatre is to create community by bridging rifts opened between people by difference in religion, race, gender, and particularly sexual orientation.In an address to members of the League of American Theatres and Producers he remarked, "I think theatre teaches us who we are, what our society is, where we are going. I don't think theatre can solve the problems of a society, nor should it be expected to ... Plays don't do that. People do. [But plays can] provide a forum for the ideas and feelings that can lead a society to decide to heal and change itself." more…

All Terrence McNally scripts | Terrence McNally Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "The Ritz" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_ritz_16995>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    The Ritz

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


    Quiz

    Are you a screenwriting master?

    »
    In screenwriting, what is a "montage"?
    A A series of short scenes that show the passage of time
    B The opening scene of a screenplay
    C A musical sequence in a film
    D A single long scene with no cuts