The Road Movie

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1

You're a f***ing b*tch.

F***, I hardly stopped it.

What was that?

Look what's going on.

Goddammit!

God saved us. F***.

- Look what's going on.

- Five cars.

I knew that, with this weather.

We shouldn't have rushed.

- Who rushed? Did we rush, Irina?

- Are they alive?

Turn off your music.

So what's there? Dead, goddamn.

Look there as well...

F***.

F***, I thought we were done.

The way I've driven,

God has protected me.

I hit the brakes, but it wouldn't stop.

It went on, you know.

What's flying there?

What's that?

It'll just crash now.

Go, go, go. Let's see. C'mon, go.

What was that, Volodija?

I don't know. An airplane?

What? Airplane?

C'mon, it was a comet.

The plane is burning, I guess.

Wow.

It's a red light.

Did we record?

On this? We must have.

I crossed on a red light.

I told you, right.

Hi.

Yes.

What?

Wait a sec. Look at this smoke.

No, it can't be from a comet.

It's not a comet, it's like a plane.

It looks like an airplane crashed

on the 67th.

What a smoke there. So bright.

We shot it on the dashcam,

I'll show you later.

I even crossed on a red light.

Wow, what a smoke.

We can't even figure out

what that was.

You can see it from the balcony.

No, you won't see it.

There is a nine-floor block there.

The tail is so bright.

Look, a guy's there.

Let's ask him if he saw it too.

What was that?

A comet or what, goddammit.

Look, at that smoke.

Looks like it's from a plane.

F***, it even blinded me.

The flame was so bright.

It fell somewhere there.

The contrail remained.

One second, Lena.

It probably landed in Ekaterinburg.

Wow.

F***! Goddammit!

Why are you sitting so calm?

F*** me!

What the f***!

F***ing sh*t!

Should we go out?

F***, sure.

I will park here then.

You are so calm. Motherf***er.

I saw that it wouldn't hit me.

F***...

For example,

an elephant has a trunk...

Along...

Yes, a trunk goes along.

And a rhino has it across.

Do you get it?

It's a rhino's bone.

I'm just describing.

And toes. And feet.

Do you pay attention to feet?

Not to mine.

- What about others' feet?

- Yes. Sometimes.

Above all,

they should have no cracks.

Then you need a fretsaw...

It's still smoldering...

You've run over and tumbled it.

You've done their job.

Puddles.

You're so good at it.

Shoot it, for f***'s sake.

Load more.

Look, he's laughing himself, f***er.

They are having fun, motherfuckers.

In Russia, we have

the foundation of society.

The backbone of society,

these hard-working men and women.

So, we tell him:

"C'mon, dude."

Zhenya, c'mon, reproduce.

You have 150 million bloody sperm cells

in each portion of your sperm.

150 millions sperm cells!

Zhenya, why do we

flush them down the toilet?

"Do it in the womb, in the womb.

Ejaculate into the womb."

And he says:

"I'm working so damn hard, guys."

"I have no money. How can I?"

What? He can't?

Well, he can't. Wait. Careful.

He brings her...

Wait. He shares a flat with a guy,

with his colleague, in Odintsovo.

35,000 for two rooms.

Got it? So, in Odintsovo...

I suppose, about 30 minutes.

Okay. Bye.

When these

bloody dash cams appeared...

there's so f***ing many

funny things now on the internet,

Right.

All the sh*t is uploaded to the internet.

Car crashes, goddammit.

F***, the road police

is now afraid of these cams.

They see it

and just don't bother you.

They stay f***ing away.

These cams f***ing glow as well...

This one that I bought

is an improved one.

The f***ing lens moves separately.

You don't have to move

the whole thing.

It turns to the left, to the cabin.

This is unnecessary.

Yeah, maybe.

These cams have been

popular abroad for a long time.

But they've just appeared here recently,

goddammit.

Stop, stop, stop!

Calm down, calm down.

F***, release the brake.

Are you f***ing nuts? Why are you

braking so harshly? Drive to the side.

Don't brake harshly.

There is a f***ing truck.

I don't brake harshly.

Sh*t. That car is gonna hit us.

F***ing sh*t. What's going on there?

It's f***ed up.

Sunshine, relax.

Everything is okay with us.

Crashed in the bum. Again. And again.

F***. Sh*t.

Sunshine, calm down. Everything is okay.

We're fine. I've steered out.

What's this? What the f***?

Fire.

The bus is on fire.

F***ing hell.

Why are they not getting out?

You can't see anything.

Not a bloody thing.

Do not hurry, Andrey.

I can't see anything.

Turn on the tail lights.

Everything is turned on.

So nobody will crash into us

from the back.

Sh*t. Why is there so much smoke?

Hell, who knows what's on fire there.

Maybe the brake pads are on fire.

F***ing smoke.

Motherfuck.

Look, horses are coming.

Are they going this way?

Where the f*** are you going?

F***.

Motherf***er.

F*** a duck, b*tch.

A fisherman.

Why is he here?

Oh boy!

Oh my God! Mum, are you ok? Are you calm?

My heart almost stopped.

It was a chick driving.

Damn her.

Damn girl.

Bastards.

Oh my God!

Phew, God, mother dear!

And who crashed whom? That guy?

You know...

It was so fast that I didn't notice.

Oh, my God!

There must be somebody...

Somebody at the front must be killed.

I don't know if anyone is alive

in the first car. In that one.

Right.

Oh my God!

Virgin Mary!

See, Tolik broke just in front of the car.

F***ing b*tch! This teen was driving.

Oh. Look, they pulled an old man

out of her car.

A very old man... It's a nightmare.

Look, we stopped three meters from them.

Well done, Tolik.

Oh my God!

I didn't even notice, daughter.

- Me too.

- Good god!

Oh my God!

How did it all happen?

Oh merciful Lord!

What's wrong with all these cars?

See, they covered him.

They covered him with a cloth.

Is he dead?

- No, he is alive.

- Alive?

He is alive.

They laid something under him.

Snotty b*tch!

Oh my God!

Mum, it's not clear

who crashed whom.

Well, we will stay here

until the police come...

Tolik, is everybody alive?

Everybody's alive... still.

There is a roundabout

in 400 meters.

Take the second ramp.

Holy sh*t.

F***.

What the f***?

F***ing a**hole.

Oh God. Is he alive?

I don't know.

Lady, what's up...

We have a wedding there...

How much?

Are you interested in something?

Sure, we are interested in sex.

Well, a blow job costs 1000 rubles,

20 minutes of sex costs 2000 rubles,

and one hour is 3000.

3000 for an hour?

Yes, but with one partner.

Holy sh*t! That's expensive.

Anal is forbidden, right?

- What?

- Is anal forbidden?

It is not forbidden,

but it alone costs 3000.

So, it'll cost 3000 to have fun for

an hour and 3000 more to ride an ass.

Nope. Well, if we have fun for one hour,

I'll make you a discount of 1500 for anal.

Ah, so it will be 3000 for p*ssy and

1500 for ass. Four, 5 per hour, right?

Yes.

Well... Will you? On the way back.

Well, I don't know. We'll see.

And a blow job? How much?

1000 rubles.

- How long will you be staying here?

- I don't know. Probably one or two hours.

Then we have time.

We'll go to Kaganyk now

and come back in one hour.

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