The Road to Wellville Page #7

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with such mischievous organs...

if we're not meant

to put them to good use.

Mr. Badger, I think the other guests

are less than pleased.

I'm not ashamed of my body.

It's completely natural.

I agree.

Dress reform is about liberating the

body from its artificial constraints.

- Isn't that what Professor Kuntz says?

- You've read Freikorper Kultur, eh?

Are you familiar

with the nudism movement?

Professor who?

"Cuntz."

Kuntz. Kuntz.

No, I haven't read him,

but I think you're right.

What the heck.

Do you know what I'm wearing

under these shorts?

- Nothing?

- Nothing?

I'm sorry.

I can't keep up with this.

I was just getting the hang

of vegetarianism.

To the Germans.

Professor Cu... Kuntz.

And to Dr. Spitzvogel.

Who is Dr. Spitzvogel?

I don't know.

- He's a specialist in movement therapy.

- Eleanor, you have to try it.

When I left, after my first session,

I was floating on clouds.

But what did he do?

Well, he...

- He manipulates the womb.

- And the breasts.

Die Handhabung Therapeutisch,

to give it its German name.

Oh. I'm not doing anything German.

After only one session,

I was weak. Weak!

Weak?

I am sure Dr. Kellogg

would not approve.

- Oh, my God!

- What?

There's a woman wearing a fox collar

with head, feet, the whole thing!

That's not wine I spilled, madam,

it's blood!

No animal should suffer

for you to look beautiful.

- You're mad!

- As you are ugly!

No amount of animals slaughtered in your

behalf will make you look different.

Madam, control yourself.

Look at me, sir! Would you skin

the flesh from my body as well?

- Bravo, Eleanor.

- Bravo, Eleanor.

We're so proud of you, Eleanor.

It was a great success, Charles.

Just cast your eyes over those figures,

and have a cigar.

Thirty-two thousand in advance orders.

I feel like Caesar returning

from the Gaelic wars.

Have a cigar.

You should be pleased.

We're on our way!

This is a letter from my aunt.

She arrives on Friday.

Arrives? Mrs. Hookstratten?

Yes! She's going to the San

for her nerves.

- She wants to visit the factory.

- What factory?

Oh! Oh, yes. Our factory.

Well, that is rather inconvenient.

Inconvenient?

You hooked me like a fish, Bender.

You scaled me, you gutted me,

you stuffed me and fried me!

Chewed me up, swallowed me,

and shat me out again!

You bet your ass it's inconvenient!

Don't you see?

We have no factory! These orders

are for someone else's cornflakes!

You made me lie, you son of a b*tch!

Bender, I lied!

As day follows night, Charles,

one truth is undeniable:

Behind every shining fortune

lurks the shadow of a lie.

That's what business is.

Good-bye, Will.

Time to go.

If I eat any more roughage, I feel I'd

do my back passage a permanent injury.

Good-bye, Endymion.

I've grown quite fond of you

these past few months.

Take care of yourself, dear boy.

It's worth it.

Is it? Is all of this worth it?

Dear Will, what is life...

but a temporary victory over that

which causes our inevitable death?

Looks like rain.

- Oh! I have a little gift for you.

- What is it?

It's a Dusselberg Belt.

German apparatus.

- Most sexual inventions are these days.

- Sexual?

I didn't use it. I thought it might

be useful to you in the twilight hours.

Thank you.

Endymion, I'll miss you.

Good-bye, Will.

Follow your heart.

It's the one organ...

that will surely let you down one day,

so don't waste it while you're living.

I'll remember.

Endymion, you're a special man.

Bye, Will.

Bye, Endymion.

I'm so glad you could come.

Come then, ja?

Please, you will remove your clothing

and slip into this.

And then please,

lie on the table and relax...

and dream and think

only beautiful thoughts.

Here we have a beast of the wild.

And over here, folks, on the table,

docile and benign...

we have our dearest Fauna.

The San's much-loved vegetarian wolf.

And relax, Mrs. Lightbody.

That's good.

That's good. Yes.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Open your legs, please.

Just relax.

Don't worry. I am a doctor.

That's good.

Relax. Yeah.

That's good. Enjoy it. Yes.

Think beautiful thoughts.

Dream.

See, not the slightest interest.

A beautiful passive animal.

Oh, yes, indeed.

A beast of the wild.

He's known only the carnal pleasures.

- Are you okay?

- Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.

I think that I'm getting better.

I'll come back after you've had

your nap. Can I get you anything?

No, not at the moment.

Thank you, Irene. Maybe later.

I shall introduce it to the San

early next year.

Mrs. Hookstratten!

Doctor!

How delightful to see you again.

I'm so sorry to hear about your nerves.

Please sit beside me.

Tell me all about it.

But didn't the Alcotts practice

free love, is it called? I mean, really.

You shouldn't sneer at free love.

Its roots are purely feminist.

Conventional marriage is a prison.

One should go wherever love leads.

It's jealousy that's the obscenity.

And I want to see my nephew Charles

whilst I'm here.

He's not really my nephew. He's the son

of one of my under parlor maids.

Stupid woman. Always getting pregnant

by some gate man or other.

Anyway, he has a thriving

new breakfast food company.

Oh, really?

What is it called?

Kellogg's. Of course.

Kellogg's Per-Fo.

I thought you would've known, what

with your son being one of the partners.

Partners?

George?

George Kellogg?

What seems to be the problem?

I don't think

he feels well, sir.

No? Then perhaps

he needs a purgative.

What about calomel or castor oil?

Or shall we stop this nonsense

and eat up our food?

Food? You call this food?

What did you say?

We want proper food.

Meat and potatoes is what we want.

Ida, stop laughing!

David, stop laughing!

Meat and potatoes!

Stop it, George!

Stop it!

I command you to stop now!

George, stop it!

Why is he like this?

What did I do wrong?

I mean, didn't I give him

everything? Everything?

Everything you could.

Then why does he hate me so?

Maybe what you're giving him

isn't what he wants.

Mr. Bender, please.

It's Charles Oss...

I know, sir. Mr. Charles Ossining.

You're president of Per-Fo Food Company.

Indeed. Well, tell Mr. Bender

I'm here, will you?

That's not possible, sir. Unfortunately,

Mr. Bender is no longer a resident.

- What?

- He checked out, or rather disappeared.

The second floor maid

found his room empty, but...

he did leave a note saying

that you would be settling his account.

Which is a substantial sum.

A very substantial sum.

And these two gentlemen

also would like a word with you.

- Yes?

- Mr. Ossining?

- Yes.

- Mr. Charles Ossining?

I have to serve due process, sir,

to inform you...

that separate lawsuits have been filed

in the Calhoun County court...

to enjoin the production, sale

and transportation of Kellogg's Per-Fo.

And substantial damages

are being claimed.

And I have

Mr. Bender's bill here, sir...

and his instructions

to give it to you.

Stop him!

Stop that man!

Stop! Stop!

Lightbody!

Mr. Lightbody, please sit down.

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