The Rocker Page #2

- Wait. What?

- Tell them what you did, Jeremy.

I kind of brought hash brownies

to the Spanish Club luncheon.

- Not bueno.

And?

And Seorita Horowitz

kind of got really stoned...

...and passed out

in the locker room.

And?

And somebody kind of drew a, uh...

A penis.

A penis on a grown woman's face.

And now he can't walk

during graduation.

Every mother's dream.

Let's go, Jeremy.

See you guys. Rock hard.

A penis.

- Prom is in two days.

- Not for us, it's not.

You know what?

Blessing in disguise.

Who wants to play

some crappy school dance anyway?

I do. And so do you.

- Whatever.

- I could ask my uncle.

- I don't think we're that desperate.

- He was an original member of Vesuvius.

- I bet he can still play.

- Yeah, but he's ancient.

Let's start looking for a new drummer.

Yeah, so am I in?

- Hey, wh...

- Sorry, Uncle Rob. Were we too loud?

"Too loud" is not in my vocabulary.

How dare you?

- Excuse me?

- How dare you call yourself a musician?

Loads of bands use drum loops.

Loads of elevators play Celine Dion.

That don't make it right.

Now get your devil box out of here.

Move it, Moby Dick.

Go.

My work here is done.

- That's your uncle.

- That's my uncle.

We've kind of exhausted

all our other options, so...

- I don't have any better ideas.

- Okay, fine. Go talk to him.

Hey, Uncle Rob, can I talk to you?

I will not buy beer for you

and your friends...

...nor rent you my password

to porn sites.

Rent...? No, no. I was...

I was actually just wondering

if you'd play with us at our prom gig.

What did you just say?

I was wondering if you'd play the drums

with us, just for one night.

Absolutely not.

I haven't played the drums in 20 years.

Drumming is pain...

...and I've had more than enough pain

for one lifetime.

Look.

Come... Just meet me up here.

We need a drummer, okay?

And you play the drums.

You've been a pretty terrible uncle

over the years.

Yeah, you only come by when you

need something from my mom.

You never remember my birthday.

You called me Max until I was 11.

Okay, what's your point, Matt?

This is...

This is really, really important to me.

I'm not what you would call

a social butterfly.

You know?

Playing this gig...

...is probably the closest I'm ever

gonna get to...

...breaking the ice with, you know,

the ladies.

You're looking to score.

I can respect that.

Anyway, if you really are my uncle...

...my family...

...you will do this one thing for me.

- Matt, where is he?

- He said he would be here.

He doesn't know the songs,

and I thought he'd be here early.

He said he didn't need to,

he could play with us in his sleep.

He said he feeds on God juice

and miracles spring forth.

Never fear, nios. Got our laminates.

All access. Drives the chicks wild.

Hey, are you ready?

We're on in five minutes.

Five minutes? What? We're headlining.

We shouldn't go on till 11.

It's the prom. It's over at 11.

Wait. So we're on in five minutes?

Seriously, five minutes?

Okay.

Wow. That's... Five minutes.

Eye of the tiger.

Bang a gong, get it on. Bang a gong.

Get it on, all night long, bang a gong,

get it on. Rock me, Amadeus.

Oh!

- I'm gonna be so sick.

- A little pre-show ritual.

- Did you just...?

- Lucky charm.

Some people carry a rabbit's foot,

I rock a pocket of puke.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, A.D.D.

Follow my lead.

One, two, three.

A.D. D, ladies and gentlemen. A.D.D.

Now it's time for your prom king

and queen's first dance.

Stop. Stop.

Woo-hoo! Rock and roll.

Thank you, Cleveland!

Yeah! What a show! Come on.

Mattie, chest bump.

Here we go.

How awesomely sweet was that?

Oh, yeah, if by awesomely sweet,

you mean a horrific train wreck...

...we will never live down, then, yeah,

it was super awesomely sweet.

It was like that scene in Titanic.

You know, the one where they all die.

What? We rocked

the balls off that place!

- You are delusional.

- You got that right, sourpuss.

You know what else? A.D.D. just landed

itself a new bricklaying drummer...

...and his name is Fish.

Dude. Wake up.

You just ruined that show and you're

never playing with this band again.

Thanks.

Hello.

Hello.

Is Curtis at home?

- Who is asking?

Robert. Fishman.

- My friends call me Fish.

- Fish.

I'm the drummer in the band

from the...

From the prom.

Oh.

Oh, you're serious. Oh, wow.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Curtis said that the drummer was older.

I just... I figured college.

- So and you're his older sister?

- That's very flattering. No, I'm his mom.

No, you're not. Seriously, you're not.

What is your name?

Well, usually, Curtis's little friends

call me Ms. Powell.

- Ms. Powell?

- Mm-hm.

There's the cutest little jazz club...

You know, I'm sorry.

I just don't date my son's friends.

You know? It's just icky.

- Right. Yeah.

- Kids are in the back.

Uh, Curtis? Honey?

Your play date's here.

So sweetie, what time is your mom

picking you up?

You're hysterical.

You have no idea. I'll see you guys.

If it isn't the one-man band.

Okay.

Look.

I haven't played in front

of an audience in 20 years...

...and so maybe, possibly...

...I got a little carried away

and out of control, and I'm sorry.

But I can make it up to you.

What if I told you...

...I could get us a gig?

- I'd say you're full of sh*t.

Oh, whoa. Curtis, 1991 called.

They want their teenage angst back.

Oh, my God, they just called again.

They want that joke back.

Hang on. A gig?

Like when U2 plays and everybody's like:

"Yeah, U2! I love you."

Yes. These songs need

to be heard, man. Seriously!

Who writes these songs, anyway?

- I do.

- Abandonment issues.

Daddy bailed when he was 4, so...

Well, there's a crazy mojo working

with Mr. Dark and Broody there...

...and me likey.

So what do you say

we lay down tracks...

...with Uncle Fish at the kit,

and let me run with it?

- All right, band meeting.

- Okay. Huddle up.

No, just us three. The band.

Yeah. I'll be in my office.

Okay, perhaps last night

he was a bit ostentatious...

...with his performance style, but you

can't deny the fact that he's got chops.

- No way, man. I told him he's out.

You can't deny it.

All right, you guys.

Let's just think about it like this.

It might be kind of cool...

...you know, if he were in the band.

We'd have it all:

The magnetic

but tormented lead singer...

...the awkward, neurotic, super-nerd...

- That's me. That's me.

...the kind of ironic, postmodern

you know, punk girl...

...and the ancient

crazy-faces-making rocker.

You can't tell me

you've seen anything like that.

- For good reason. This isn't a joke to me.

- You think it is to us?

What have we got to lose?

All right. If he delivers a gig,

I'll give him a chance.

Woo-hoo! Yes.

Hello, Concrete Jungle?

Galardy's Bar & Grill.

Oh, hi. Is this the Hi-Fi Club?

I played there in 1985 with Vesuvius.

I am with the band A.D.D.

I have a demo.

I have a new band.

It's called A... Hello?

We have not yet rocked Akron.

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