The Rocker Page #7

We can't do that.

Look, I love Fish. I do. I love that guy.

And I never say love...

...but the guy's practically

in a full-body cast.

You know what I mean? I think it's time

we put him out of his misery.

Know what I'm saying?

We need to freshen the look of the band.

- What do you say?

- A band's a family.

You don't turn your back on family.

What is this, Full House?

Are you kidding?

He stays. That's that.

You know what? You're right.

Yeah. No, he stays. Good call.

- Hey. Fish!

- No, no! I can't do it. I won't do it.

"Promised Land" is my song.

I came up with the title.

And they are in the promised land...

...and I'm walking around in the desert

for 40 years. I'm Moses.

I led them to the land of milk

and honey and three-ways and orgies...

- Fish. Listen to me.

- And I'm eating manna...

I can't... I can't hear you...

Ooh.

Hello, Yoko.

- What was that for?

- To shut you up.

- Okay.

- Now listen to me.

You have already made it

to the promised land, okay?

Not the way you thought,

but you've made it.

Are you gonna blow this

because of some stupid grudge?

Come on. Just let it go.

Play the gig. Please.

Your witchy, witchy ways

won't work on me.

I am never opening for Vesuvius.

Oh, oh, oh. Hey, buddy. Hey, man.

What a coincidence, huh?

- I didn't know you were staying here.

- Yeah, I love this place.

Same floor and everything.

I wanna say

I think it's super awesome...

...that you're cool with Fish

banging your mom.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm just saying...

...it's mature that you approve of him

hitting that sweet stuff.

Cool as a fan, man.

You're a cool, cool kid.

You're like Vin Diesel

wrapped in a Jeremy Piven pie.

All right. Here we are.

You know what? I just realized

I'm not in this hotel.

Take care, kiddo.

You're a rock star. Whoo!

If you guys have been dying to spend

some time in Cleveland...

...come out next month when A.D.D.'s

gonna be doing a free arena show.

We're gonna be opening up for

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees...

...the mighty Vesuvius.

Hey, hey. I thought you said

we weren't gonna do that.

- I decided we were.

- Guys, we should discuss this later.

There's no need. It's a done deal.

I am not doing that, okay?

I am not opening for them.

You think we should open

for Vesuvius?

Then you better find a new drummer.

Know why you're in this band?

You're a joke.

I'm not letting

my mom go out with a joke.

And I'm not missing the show of my life

because of you.

Ow! Ow!

What? You've never seen anyone

kick over their drums in anger...

...jump off the stage

and twist both ankles?

No.

- Well, now you have. Ow.

Make a path.

Oh, no.

Fish. It's okay. Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

- You all right?

- Yeah, top of the world.

Thanks. My left ankle is making

a pretty serious clicking noise.

- Yeah, I hear that.

- Yeah.

Listen. We need to talk to Curtis.

Fish, we kissed. Once. On tour.

You know what this is. This isn't real.

In real life, I am Curtis's mom...

...and you are... Oh, you are just a guy

who won't grow up.

I tried growing up, okay?

For 20 years.

I tried it. I hated every moment of it,

and I'm not going back to that.

You never even moved forward.

You didn't give being an adult a chance.

You're just living in some moment

that happened 20 years ago.

You said you didn't have it

figured it out either.

I don't, but at least

I'm living in the present.

Hello, rat.

Here we are. Check it out, guys, huh?

Not bad.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh-oh.

Who could that be?

Guys, this is your new drummer, Paul.

Go ahead and get to know him better.

Give him a nickname. Any animal.

Except Fish. Obviously,

that would be a little awkward.

Cool. Great. Well, come on.

Let's go. Let's rehearse.

Set up. Come on.

Yeah, there we go. All right.

Any last requests?

Be gentle.

Robert, I like your rsum.

I certainly love your objectives,

and Stan speaks very highly of you.

I do notice that your last job

was a few months ago.

What have you been doing since then?

He's been taking some time

to recharge the old batteries.

And now I'm ready to work here

until I die.

I don't even wanna talk to him about it.

It's so frustrating and it's so unfair.

Hey.

Hey. We were supposed to start

two hours ago.

Relax. I figured you guys

could just practice with Paul.

Ever since you forced Fish out...

...this went from being a band...

...to being you

and some people behind you.

I didn't force him out of the band.

He quit.

You were mean and manipulative,

and you completely forced him out.

- This Paul thing is good for us.

- Are you kidding me?

Look at him. It's like

Abercrombie's making people now.

We need Fish.

You know? He's sloppy and stupid,

and he's full of life.

We're not the same without him.

You know it.

Okay, yeah. He said

he won't open for Vesuvius.

Curtis, had you gone up to him

and just said it from your heart...

...how important it was for you

and the band, he would have done it.

- Mattie's right. I mean, he would have.

He would've done it in a second.

Because he loves you.

Know what, guys? I'm really not

in the mood to practice.

I hope you know that I'm getting paid

whether we practice or not.

Shut up, Paul.

Hey.

Hey.

Listen, I had no idea

real life was so boring.

And soul crushing.

Don't forget soul crushing.

That's a nice suit.

I'm gonna kill you.

You mind if I sit?

So...

...Matt says that if I'd asked you

in a nicer way to open for Vesuvius...

...you'd have said yes.

Well, even though he's a genius,

he's an idiot.

I am not opening for no Vesuvius.

- You're being a baby.

- No, I'm not. I'm being realistic.

You're telling me Robert Fishman,

a.k.a. Fish...

...has a chance to play Q Arena

in front of 20,000 screaming fans...

...and he's not gonna take it?

I saw Ozzy bite the head off a bat

on that stage.

You could see A.D.D. there with

a really good seat between the guitar...

...and bass.

- And the bass. Best seat in the house.

No. No way.

I am not opening for Vesuvius.

They can open for me.

It's not fair.

Of course not. Who said life was fair?

- Don't be so mature.

- You want my advice?

You got a good thing going.

You shouldn't be chasing something

you're never gonna get back.

Keep stealing my lines,

I'll punch you in the eye.

Let me tell you how it's gonna be.

You're gonna suck it up...

...because A.D.D. needs a sloppy-ass

Robert Fishman-type drummer.

It's just one more night, one more show.

Just finish what you started.

What do you say?

I say...

...I am the best sloppy-ass

Robert Fishman-type drummer there is.

- Ow.

- Ooh, I'm sorry.

Excuse me, everyone?

May I have your attention?

I want you all to know

that me and my band...

...are gonna play the Q Arena.

And I want you to know

it is never too late.

- Yeah.

- Yeah!

Yeah. All right.

It is never too late to rock.

Come on, guys. Let's go. Stage dive.

Stage dive.

Stage dive.

We're gonna bodysurf you

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