The Rocker Page #6

...take it from someone that's been

at war with their hair.

It just needs a little bit of love

and a lot of product.

Welcome back.

Smile? No smile?

Thanks, Fish.

- Good job.

- This part's gonna blow people's minds.

I'm gonna shoot you with this old Bolex,

stop-motion, you're gonna be animated.

So pick your spot, take your breath,

and move a tiny bit.

Move a tiny bit.

Move a tiny bit.

Move a tiny bit. Wait a minute.

- You have a tattoo.

What? Where?

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna get that checked out.

Funny. Good. I'm just saying

it's weird...

...because you have a tattoo,

but you're a mom.

Gee, nothing gets by you, does it?

Yes, I have a tattoo, and I am a mom.

A few too many flirtinis?

Close. It was an old band.

- You were in a band?

- Mm-hm.

I was in an all-girl punk band.

No way. That's awesome.

Yeah. Put a safety pin in my T-shirt

and I'm a badass. Good times.

So what happened to the old "S.W."

band? Why'd you give it up?

Well, I'm not exactly sure...

...but I think it had something to do

with the fact that...

...a pregnant 17-year-old lead singer...

...wasn't exactly what MTV

was looking for.

- They so lack vision.

- Cut! You moved too much. Okay?

"Tiny bit" means tiny bit, not big bit

or regular bit. Tiny bit. Move a tiny bit.

I don't know why you're blinking

more than a normal person...

...but blink like a normal person

or don't blink.

So your choice.

Matt.

- Matt.

- Yeah, you okay?

- Do you sleep with your eyes open?

- No, I'm fine.

Good night.

Hey, can you sign my shirt?

You're... You're very

well-proportioned.

- Hey. Good night.

- Good night.

You Tube sensation A.D.D.

have gone from total unknowns...

... to a top- 10 album,

a number one single...

... and a sold-out tour

in just three short months.

Thank you very much.

You have a great night.

I love you, Matt.

Somebody threw this at me,

and it's got a telephone number...

...an e-mail address, and it's big.

Rock 'n' roll.

- Let me see that.

- Hey, hey. A.D.D., you were amazing.

Oh, wow.

Mattie, oh, it was so incredible.

Everybody loved it and they were

singing along with the words.

They were mouthing your words.

You were good, Fish.

Oh, my goodness. That was great, guys.

Unh! Give it up.

Okay, I understand. Nice. Nicely done.

Here's the plan, okay?

We gotta go down, give some face time

to the fans, then get out of here, okay?

MySpace is throwing you guys a party,

and I don't wanna be late.

Wanna get there before all the good

T-A-l-L is taken, know what I'm saying?

We can spell.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I get that.

That makes sense.

Hello. Hello there. Hi.

I don't think we've been introduced.

- David Marshall, Matchbook Records.

- Hey. Kim Powell. I'm Curtis' mom.

Oh!

The wellspring, huh?

Excuse me?

I would love to spend nine months

inside you.

Why's everybody being quiet?

Ha-ha-ha!

Hoo-hoo!

There it is. It's like a school bus

for a**holes.

- I'm not gonna get in that thing.

- That is a nice ride.

- Yeah. Go have fun.

Come on, let's go.

- Oh, wow. Yellow.

- Yeah. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Okay, let's go.

I'm gonna cut to the chase,

because that's how I do, but...

You're familiar

with the term "MILF"?

Because I would never use that

to describe you, ever.

I hate that term. It disgusts me.

No, no, no. you are more

of a "MILMSLT."

That's a mother I'd like to

make sweet love to.

Oh, thank you.

I'm really flattered, actually.

Um, so are you familiar

with the term "PILS"?

No, no, no. What's a PILS?

It's a person I'd like to stab.

- I know.

- Oh, that's good. Watch out here.

Cougar's got claws.

- I'm gonna hop in the Hummer.

- Good idea.

- I'll see you guys in the Hummer.

- Go.

Hit the omelet bar.

- Well played, my lady.

- Shall we?

You know, I'm gonna take a rain check.

Really? You? A rain check, huh?

- Okay.

- Well, you know, I got...

...a date back at the club

with a couple of shorties, so...

- Oh, all right. See you later.

- Okay. All right.

Don't wait up for me, okay,

because I'm gonna be:

- Whoop, whoop! Whoop.

See you.

Mattie?

Hi.

- Hi. Are you okay?

- Oh, super duper. I am just doing...

- This is some...

- Who is she?

I don't know her name.

I've seen her at our shows...

...and I've wanted to engage her,

but I just get so nervous.

- Which one is she?

- She's sitting at the bar, in the blue.

- No. Don't stare.

- I'm not staring.

You're embarrassing me in front of her.

Just be respectful.

She's the one sitting over there

in the blue T-shirt.

Uh, okay. The shirt that reads

"I heart Matt" in rhinestones?

That could be a coincidence.

Maybe it's "I heart Matt" LeBlanc

from TV's the Friends.

Look at me, Amelia.

Look at me. I am not the world's

most handsome guy here.

And...

...I don't know how to speak to a girl,

other than you.

I've never kissed a girl.

I've never asked one to go to a movie

or maybe go to dinner, or...

There, okay?

Now you've had the experience.

Now go talk to her

and quit pussing out.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Could you sign this, please?

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that would be great.

Huh.

Hello?

- Hey. Can I?

- Sure, come on in.

You're back already, huh?

How were the smallies?

Shorties, and I decided to call it

an early night tonight.

Those were some great moves,

by the way.

Yeah, great.

So this is supposed to be a guitar.

Yeah, it's a guitar. It's really fun.

Do you wanna play?

- Come on. Come on.

- All right.

- All right, just put it on. Okay.

- Okay.

See? It goes red, blue.

I'm lost.

- Blue.

- Blue.

- And hit this so you can get extra points.

- I love this song. This song is awesome.

You're doing it.

- I'm kicking your ass is what I'm doing.

- You're not even.

- Yeah.

- Now we're a rock band.

Double head.

May I introduce

A.D.D.'s first video. Pow!

You know, verse, chorus, verse, chorus.

You've heard the song.

So, what do you think, huh?

I'm not even embarrassed by it,

and I'm embarrassed by, like, everything.

Well, your body's changing.

Don't you hate how the camera itself

adds 10 pounds?

Yeah. The camera and food, right?

If you like that, you're gonna love this.

This little puppy...

...is going to debut next Monday

as the number nine video in the country.

Yeah. All right.

And you're gonna crap

your khakis when you hear this.

Y'all just got asked to open

for Vesuvius...

...in honor of their induction into

the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Huh?

That's pretty great, right?

Like a " Cleveland up-and-comers

open for Cleveland legends" thizz-ang.

Not to mention, it keeps it all in the

Matchbook family, which is good.

No. No.

No, no, no.

Fish, Fish? Breathe, breathe.

You have to breathe.

All right. Okay.

What if I said yes already?

Where does that leave us?

Oh, God. Okay, all right, Fish?

- Drama.

No!

- I'll go talk to him.

- No, no. Just sit. I'll do it.

You guys realize

if you open for Vesuvius...

...you'll get to play

in front of 20,000 people.

Fish has a history with them.

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