The Rocker Page #5

Dayton welcome to A.D.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hello.

Hey, hey. Let's rock.

One, two, three.

First technical difficulty.

First recovery.

You nailed that key change

on "Too Far."

Oh, thanks.

You were out of your mind.

Chewing the keys off the board.

You were better than Kurt Cobain.

You're like Hurt Cobain.

A.D.D.

You guys are sweet.

First fan. Ha-ha!

That did sound pretty good.

It was better than good.

It was sweet.

You're so wet.

- Yes. Yes! Our band is sweet.

- No!

- Sweet!

- Oh, my God.

I'm not leaving you out, Mattie.

I'm saving the biggest hug for you...

...because you brought me here.

- Uncle Rob, we don't need...

- Oh, there we go. Shh.

- Oh, God.

- Uncle Fish has got you there, big fella.

So moist.

Hi.

Um, we were wondering if we could

buy you guys a beer or something.

First groupies.

Unfortunately, they are not of age.

Fortunately...

...I am double the legal limit

for after-show parties.

Yeah, we were kind of looking

for someone...

...a little closer to our age,

but thanks.

First blow-off. Let the games begin.

Oh, man.

This is where rock 'n' roll came to die.

It's all about text chats

and Playbox with you guys.

- It's Xbox.

- Whatever.

We're on tour.

- You may never get this chance again.

- Come on.

Okay? We have gotta cut loose.

I feel like I cut loose

when I'm on-stage.

Then I like to rest and unwind a little bit.

Please move.

- And you call yourself my nephew.

- He's right.

- It's late. We're tired.

- You're like a bunch of grandmas.

You look like Miss Saigon.

Wait, I get it. You guys don't know

what it means to go on tour.

- Don't you do this.

- Well, I do.

You're a monster.

Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish!

I am a golden Fish!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Yeah! Now we got a party!

- Aah!

Oh!

Hey, man. What's wrong?

We're in the joint.

We're going behind bars, man!

This is awesome.

This is what being a rock star's

all about!

Yeah, I don't know. I guess for me,

it's always been more about the music.

No, music definitely

plays an important part.

I just...

I always hope maybe, you know...

...someday, my dad

would hear one of my songs...

...and feel, I don't know, something.

You want my advice?

You got a good thing going.

Don't chase something

you're never gonna get.

It's his loss. He's the one missing out.

Trust me. I know.

I got the best seat in the house.

Right between the guitar

and the bass.

- Fishman. You all made bail.

- Yes.

- How?

- Thank you. The fans.

The magic of rock 'n' roll.

Come on, where's my posse?

That, my friends, is what happens

when you're a rock star.

- Night, guys.

Night, Fish.

Oh, crap.

Mom?

I trusted you. I vouched for you

and for the safety of these kids.

This is how you pay me back? By being

a drunken, irresponsible, drunken...

- You said "drunken."

- I know.

- What is wrong with you? Hey, Kim.

- Hey, Lisa.

Two arrests in three weeks?

What does it feel like

to destroy a hotel room?

It must be freeing.

It's gotta be freeing, huh?

You have no idea.

- Really?

Oh, yeah.

You are such an idiot.

Come on, Matt. We're going.

Tour's over.

You can't cancel the t...

Lower my voice.

You can't cancel the tour.

- He's right. People are digging...

- I don't care if you're selling out arenas.

- I don't trust Drummer Boy...

- What?

- Let's go.

- I'm not going home.

I'm not, either. And don't call my uncle

Little Drummer Boy.

- He's a big drummer boy.

- I'm the mother, you're the child.

No, because I show you respect,

and then you don't listen.

- I can't hear you.

- Hey. Guys. Guys.

- You don't listen to me.

- We're a band and we stick together.

We're finishing the tour.

I'm sorry if you guys have a problem,

but that's the way it is.

Yeah.

- Okay, I'll go.

What?

I don't think it's fair.

These kids cancel their tour...

...because Baby Huey over here

isn't responsible enough to be an adult...

...so I will go.

- I'll go too.

- Oh, be quiet, Stan.

No. A tour with parents is not a tour.

On this point, I will not bend. That's it.

My line in the sand has been drawn.

I just wanna say

on behalf of the band...

...it's kind of a buzz-kill

having you on the tour.

Really? If you hadn't been such a jackass,

I wouldn't have to be here.

Whatever. I just need you

to do a little babysitting...

...and don't rain on my parade, okay?

Because I'm living my dream.

Did you always have that knee brace

in your dream?

What did I say about raining

on my parade?

Sorry. You know what? I'm sorry.

You are an adult. I mean, technically.

You can do what you want. I just think

you might want to start to take it easy.

Take it easy? Thanks, the Eagles.

No. I spent my whole life

taking it easy...

...and now I'm making up

for lost time.

- Hoo-hoo!

- All right.

I'm gonna do whatever I want.

Watch this.

I may go moon a trucker.

Or streak up and down the bus,

or take a nap.

Not sure which. My choice.

Hmm. Make a decision.

I think I'll take a nap. Excuse me.

Okey-dokey.

I have a silly question. Do you

have any hand sanitizer?

I do. I've used it for

other things, but you're welcome to it.

Jesus Christ.

Hello?

- Hey, it's D.V. Put me on shout, yo.

- Hey, are you guys sitting down?

- One second.

- Yeah, well stand up. I got great news.

- Okay.

You're gonna shoot a music video.

Whoo! Yes!

I got us the hottest video director

in town.

Yeah. All right, I gotta go.

I'm in a tremendous amount of pain.

Cut it, please. Cut...

We're rehearsing now.

That means you should move.

Your mouth and your body.

Go backwards in slow motion,

then say the words backwards.

Where's the girl?

Say the words backwards.

In post it's all gonna be forward.

You have to go backwards

for me to make it forward, get it?

- Where's the girl?

- Don't hold your breath.

- What is happening?

- Excuse me, Kip?

- Yes?

- Listen, can we call this a day?

- No. No, this isn't happening.

- Listen to me.

- What's going on?

- Go ahead.

It's Amelia.

She's just having a really tough day.

- Not feeling like a rock star.

- I'll go talk to her.

Okay. Good luck with that.

- Amelia?

Just go away.

Come on, it's okay to be nervous.

I either throw up or get the runs

before every show.

- Last night it was both.

- Gross. Leave me alone.

Come on. Girlfriend, we need you.

Come on.

- I'm sorry. I just can't.

- Hey, what's wrong?

- I told that idiot stylist not to brush it.

- Let me see.

Holy sh... Oh, wow. Hey.

- See? I look like sh*t, okay? Go away.

- Listen, it's just hair. It's no biggie.

Maybe girls like me

just don't belong in music videos.

You know, if that's the look

that they want, they should just...

...grab one of those annoying little girls

hanging on Curtis.

Don't say that.

Those girls are a dime a dozen.

That is why you are in this band...

...and they are not. Because you

have looks and personality.

You've got attitude,

you've got edge...

...you've got pure, unfiltered

badass-ed-ness. Yeah.

Now, as far as the 'do goes...

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