The Rocker Page #4

One, two, one, two, three, four...

No. Yeah. I know, I keep trying to

download the homework...

...but my annoying brother

is hogging all the bandwidth.

Some stupid practice in our garage.

Hang on. I'll call you back.

Hello, YouTube.

Oh, dude, this is that thing

they were talking about on Stern.

Holy sh*t. I think that's Robert.

What next, guys?

Oh, that's a lot of Robert.

What do you wanna do next?

Leon, come here, come here.

That's... This guy's hilarious.

That's my brother-in-law.

- The song's pretty g...

- Taking a little noodle break.

Just had dinner with him.

Get out of here.

Ahem. You want to share this

with the rest of the class, huh?

Oh. What is that?

What's next? Let's keep going.

- Let's keep up this energy.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Okay.

I'm telling you,

that's the naked drummer.

Are you sure, man? It's kind of

hard to tell with his clothes on.

It is the naked drummer.

Hey, fam.

I got here as fast as I could.

There he is. I don't recognize you

with clothes on.

David Marshall, head of A and R

for Matchbook Records.

Matchbook Records?

By the way, I'm Stan.

I'm kind of with the band.

Great, great.

He's come all the way from Los Angeles

to meet you, Robert.

We're on the Internet. On the Internet.

Over a million hits and counting.

- You know what that sound is? Anybody?

- No.

What about you, Norm from Cheers?

That's the sound of the money truck

backing up to your door.

But my team at Matchbook,

we see more than money.

We see beyond the gimmick

of the naked drummer.

It's a fun video.

We're laughing at it, laughing...

...but then we're humming the songs.

It's the rope-a-dope.

Know what I mean? The rope-a-dope.

We're laughing, laughing, then boom!

Out of nowhere, we're singing

and humming the tunes. Why?

Why would we do that? I'll tell you why.

Because the songs kick F-ing ass.

Wow! All these years,

wearing a suit to the office.

- I should have been a naked drummer!

- Absolutely. Here's the dealio.

If A.D.D. has more tunes like that,

then Matchbook is very interested.

I'm sure you guys got a lot of heat.

Lot of people coming after you.

Yeah, I didn't pay taxes in the '90s.

The phone's been ringing

off the hook with offers.

Good. Good to know. Okay.

We're in the pressure cooker.

We are through

the looking glass, amigos.

I'm gonna call my people, I'm gonna

come back and holler at you.

Excuse me a sec.

We're gonna be signed.

We're gonna be signed.

- Well...

- I'm gonna go call Amelia and Curtis.

I love your new tat.

I just got it done.

I'll validate you on your way out.

All right, thanks.

Hello. I'm here for A.D.D.

Name?

Robert Fishman.

Studio 3.

Wait. My name is on the list?

- Yeah.

- So my name is on that list.

Yeah.

Can I have it?

- No.

- Okay. Sure.

This does not suck.

You're the man.

They have free food.

Whoa.

The mixing board...

...with its thousands

of mysterious buttons.

The big chair...

...that swooshes me

around the studio.

That allows me to slide

wherever I care to go.

The soundproof glass window.

The giant headphones.

It's not very good.

It's very, very depressing.

It makes me wanna kill myself.

Seriously, we need to stop this

right now.

Why don't we turn this frown

upside down?

Let's just push the tempo.

Say, "I'm not bitter."

- Okay.

- Okay? Follow my lead.

- What's he doing?

From the bridge. Let's do it.

One, two, three, four!

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Sing!

- You recording?

- Yep.

- Yeah!

- Ow!

- Yes. That's what I'm talking about!

That rocks.

Instead of a canoe paddling in a pond,

we were a tank flying down a mountain.

- I like that. It feels really good.

- What do you guys think?

Lennon's rolling over in his grave

to hide the boner you just gave him.

We're gonna bounce that down.

- Yeah! Bouncing it down!

- Whoo! What does that mean?

I have no idea. Let's take five.

Someday one of these bad boys

will have your name on it, C-note.

I guarantee.

There's a lot of biz buzz on you

back in Hollyweird, my man.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You got an opportunity to capitalize

on this YouTube thing.

We're talking an album, a tour...

You're gonna have more ladies

than Jay-Z got Mercedes.

You're gonna need two d*cks.

- Thanks.

- Yeah, yeah. No problem.

- What are you guys doing?

- Just telling Big C here the game plan.

We're gonna hang out in the studio

a couple weeks, do more recording...

...then strap in, young'uns.

We're hitting the road.

- What?

- You heard me, Curly Sue.

Midwest tour.

Huh? That's right!

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

All right. Easy.

- Yeah.

And in conclusion,

ladies and gentlemen...

...I promise you that on the road,

these kids will have an experience...

...unlike any they have

ever experienced!

Um...

I think, well,

what he's trying to say in a...

Just a really incomprehensible way...

...is that this is a once-in-a-lifetime

opportunity for them.

And they have worked so hard,

and want this so badly.

And I'm not thrilled with letting Curtis go

without me being there...

...but I don't want him to spend the rest

of his life thinking, "What if...?"

You know? So you got my vote.

I'm sorry.

I lived my life saying, "What if...?"

Twenty years of "What if...?"

You feel me, Jack?

You'll be safe, right?

Of course.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Lisa?

Okay. All right.

Just please be careful.

Okay.

Hey. Thank you.

You're welcome.

But if one hair on his head is harmed,

I will kill you.

- Cool.

- All right.

- Mattie? I trust you.

Yeah?

But I don't trust your uncle.

So I don't want you to listen

to a word he says, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

Whoa.

First tour bus.

Nice ride.

I'll call you guys.

- Please do.

- Will you be okay?

- Yes. I'm gonna be fine.

- I love you. I'm so proud of you.

- Love you too.

Mr. Gator here.

All you bear bait headed north...

...on big slab l-5 round yardstick 40...

- Citizens band, huh?

Pretty cool.

- Ever heard of cell phones?

- Ever heard of brain cancer?

There's two things in this world

I do not trust when they're wireless...

...and that is phones and marionettes.

Woo-hoo! Beaded curtains.

Fridge with beer. Beer I didn't pay for.

Yes. Time to party hearty. Hello.

I thought you were

gonna be the responsible adult.

Oh, I'm gonna be

responsible, all right...

...for partying till my nuts catch fire.

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with me? All my life,

people kept saying, " Grow up.

Give up your dreams. Get a haircut, Fish.

You'll never rock anymore."

Well, you know what?

Look at me now, day job!

Woo-hoo!

On your left,

the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Whoo!

Save some room

for my drums, baby...

...because Fish's Age of Rage

has begu...

I got a bug.

- Woo-hoo! First venue.

All right.

First marquee.

Check, check, check. Check, one, two.

Check, one, two. Check. Check.

- First sound check.

- Yeah.

Check, check. Test hit.

Testes, one, two, testes,

check, check.

Let's give a warm

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