The Romantics

That's Laura's car.

- Laura!

- You lost?

- Hi, sweetie!

- Yeah. How do I get back to New York?

- Hey. Still driving the booger.

- Don't move. I'm getting in.

- Nice car, sweetie.

- Sweetheart...

- Trip... no, no.

- It's OK, I got it.

I got it, I got it.

Don't fall!

Hi, mama!

Oh, my God!

Had to get out of there.

Desperate situation.

All right. Truth.

Have I gotten obese?

Tell me the truth.

- Are we gonna start that already?

- Just tell me the truth.

- You can't lie for sh*t.

- You look revolting, head to toe.

Good. 'Cause you've never

looked worse in your life.

Oh, babe.

Trip.

You always know what to say.

I think this occasion

calls for a drink.

Yeah. Yeah, a couple.

- Go. Go.

- Wanna race?

I'll race you.

Tom, man.

The guy just keeps winning.

Honey, you didn't do so bad.

Sweetie... Sweetie, the day we met

was the best day of my life.

It was nighttime, honey.

It was 2:
00am, September 20th, 1 999

is what it was.

I believe we were

at the Yankee Doodle.

And I asked if I could

borrow your ketchup.

And I saw that you already

had a bottle on your table.

I know. It was a bold-faced lie,

but I was desperate to meet you.

When are you ladies

gonna get married already?

- October?

- May... be October.

Maybe October.

- You're here!

- We're here!

Finally!

How's my hair?

- Revolting.

- Makeup?

- Trashy.

- Clothes?

Tacky choice.

- You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

All right, all right, all right,

we'll have enough time tonight

to kiss your butt

at the rehearsal dinner.

- Lo.

- Li.

- Weez.

- Trip.

Lila.

Lila.

Lila Hayes is...

...not my friend.

Lila Hayes is my sister.

Lila and I have shared many things:

Rooms, clothes,

study notes, boyfriends...

Lila Hayes is...

...the luckiest girl in the world.

She has...

...beauty, intelligence,

a killer backhand,

b*obs I would kill for.

She's graced with all of these things.

And she's brought us

all here tonight...

...to celebrate...

...her greatest accomplishment...

...love.

Trip, I'm standing right here.

It's perfume.

Can you just try not

to spray it in my nose?

I am so screwed for my toast.

I haven't written a thing.

You always say that and

then you give the best one.

You have an unfair advantage,

Miss Published Writer.

But, tonight you've got competition.

Your signature rhyming ode?

Damn right.

Guaranteed to bring down the house.

Nice.

Hey, you OK?

Why does everyone

keep asking me that?

Can I borrow...?

Yeah, I wonder why people

keep asking you that.

I'm sorry. It was just...

- ...a really long drive.

- Cut the bullshit, Lo.

When was the last time you saw him?

- Saw who?

- Tom.

When was the last time you saw Tom?

- I don't know.

- You don't know?

- You dated the man for four years.

- Five.

- Five.

- But you guys have stayed close.

Yeah, we are. I mean, we were.

Well, when?

Honestly, I don't remember.

- Before he proposed?

- Around then, I guess.

You guess?

Fine, it was the day before.

That's sweet.

He called to tell you first?

No.

- But you spoke with him?

- Yeah.

- Trip, just back off.

- So you knew before Lila?

- Actually, he didn't mention it.

- He didn't mention it?

So when did you hear?

When Lila called to ask me

to be her maid of honor.

And then?

And then... nothing.

Nothing?

No. We haven't spoken since.

Sweetie...

Guys, I'm fine. Really.

Really. I couldn't be happier for them.

OK.

Thank you.

Let's go, ladies.

- There you are!

- Hey.

- Well, are you coming?

- It's just...

Well? You know I can't

do this without you.

Of course I'm coming.

OK.

Guys, we all look good.

- Oh, sh*t! Sh*t! Look!

- What?

- You know what? I have something...

- Just take them off.

- I can't take them off.

- Yes, you can. Just take them off.

I've got red nail polish.

It might work, it might work...

- Let's see...

- You don't even notice it.

It's kind of sexy.

It looks fine. Yeah, yeah.

- It's totally fine.

- It looks great.

They're just gonna see

your pretty little face.

Oh, and I need to know

if this is funny.

I'm gonna say to Lila,

''It's your last chance to have Pete.''

- That's really funny.

- Yeah.

Wow. OK, you guys don't get it.

That's cool.

I'll just find something else.

Not a big deal.

- That was amazing.

- Not yet, buddy.

- What's up, dude?

- All right. Ladies and gentlemen,

sorry to interrupt,

but cocktails beckon us tonight.

Lila, Tom.

Let's do this quickly, shall we,

so that we can toast

this fantastic pair.

Chip! You nearly took me down.

I knew it.

I still make you weak at the knees.

All right.

We will do one walk-through

- of the wedding procession.

- Nice bow-tie.

Now, members of the wedding party,

I need you to break into pairs.

Husbands will go with wives,

fiancs with fiances...

And Laura, you'll go with Chip.

Flower girls go before Lila,

who will go with her father.

Minnow, you will

lead the processional.

And, Tom, you'll stand

with Reverend Bartlett.

OK.

I'm gonna...

I'll probably just... I'll...

- Everybody got it? Good.

- This whole thing rests on you.

- OK...

- Wait, what's happening?

- The whole thing hinges on you.

- Dude, I have no idea what she just...

I don't...

It's kind of intimidating.

I think we're at the back.

I believe we go last.

I think you guys should go...

- Tonight's the night.

- And what night is that?

The night you finally fall for me.

- I wouldn't hold your breath.

- Oh, I will.

What happened to all

your little girlfriends?

They're mere bodies,

laying a path to you.

Sorry, guys.

God, it's like a bar mitzvah

in there. Did you see that room?

You should just have

a ''bring your own bottle...''

I'm sorry.

- You look stunning, sweetheart.

- Thank you, Mom.

Now if we could

just find your groom.

- That's funny, isn't it?

- What's funny?

I don't know, just the way

he's standing there like that.

What's funny about it?

OK, maybe funny is the wrong

word, but... strange. It's...

It is a little strange,

don't you think?

What about it is strange?

The way he's staring out to sea

like a lovesick sailor.

- He's a groom. Grooms get nervous.

- Of course.

Mother, please don't.

- You know what I think.

- Yes, I know what you think.

And... perhaps you'll

permit me to say it.

I know you will, regardless.

He has to love you more, Lila.

More than what?

More than whom?

More than you love him.

That's the only way marriage works.

Leave him alone.

How's Augusta?

She'll be fine

after a couple of cocktails.

Tom McDevon is quite a catch.

Summa graduate,

championship swimmer,

PhD candidate in English,

rather easy on the eyes.

So let's raise our glasses

to two perfect catches:

Perfect catch, perfect match.

- There goes the bloodline.

- That's enough for you.

When Tommy told me he was

marrying the lovely Lila,

I said... ''Tommy boy, you're

one lucky son of a b*tch!''

And I said, ''You know,

attraction is a very important

ingredient in any relationship.''

Sure, folks can talk all they

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