The Room Page #7

---

Johnny:
Oh, thank you so much.

Susan:
You’re welcome. How about something like cheesecake?

Johnny:
Nah.

Susan:
Real good. Alright.

Mark:
How was work today?

Johnny:
Oh, pretty good. We got a new client at the bank, we make a lot of money.

Mark:
What client?

Johnny:
I cannot tell you, it’s confidential.

Mark:
Aw, come on, why not?

Johnny:
No I can’t. Anyway, how is your sex life?

Mark:
I can’t talk about it.

Johnny:
Why not?

Susan:
Take your time.

Johnny:
Oh god, I have to run.

Mark:
Already?

Johnny:
Yeah, I’m sorry.

Mark:
Alright, it’s on me. By the way, do you want to go jogging? Golden Gate Park?

Johnny:
Yeah, sure, what time?

Mark:
Golden Gate Park, 6:30.

Johnny:
Right on, yeah.

Mark:
Alright, see ya.

Johnny:
Okey-dokey, Mark.

Johnny exits.

Cut to the bedroom. Lisa and Mark enter.

Mark:
What’s going on here?

Lisa:
I like you very much, Mark.

Mark:
Look, come on. Johnny’s my best friend.

Lisa:
Just one more time.

She takes off his shirt and the fourth terrible R&B-scored love scene commences. It goes on for about two minutes, full of half-hearted moaning, before cutting to black.

Cut to another tracking shot of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Cut to a car parking in Golden Gate Park. Johnny exits to find Mark.

Johnny:
Hey.

Mark:
Hey Johnny, how’s it going?

Johnny:
Good.

They run side by side tossing the football in the park. There’s barely audible and completely uninteresting dialogue. They say “what’s new with you” a lot. Johnny wrestles Mark to the ground.

Cut to a shot of the San Francisco skyline.

Cut to the room, where Lisa is sweeping. The doorbell rings.

Lisa:
Who is it?

Mark:
Delivery man! It’s me, Lisa, come on, open up.

Lisa:
Come on in.

Mark enters.

Lisa:
Hey Mark.

Mark:
Wow, so, uh, you gonna be ready?

Lisa:
How do you mean that? I’m always ready. For you.

Mark:
I mean for the party.

Lisa:
We have plenty of time. All I have to do is put on my party dress.

Lisa drops the broom and takes her shirt off.

Mark:
Wait, what are you doing?

Lisa:
Nothing.

She takes Mark’s shirt off.

Mark:
You’re so beautiful.

They start making out. Someone knocks on the door. They bolt upright and start putting their shirts on.

Lisa:
Hurry up, I have to open the door.

Mark:
Wait! Hang on.

Lisa puts her shirt on but Mark is still struggling with this task.

Lisa:
Come on in, it’s open!

Michelle enters in time to see Mark shirtless before he finally manages to dress himself.

Michelle:
Hi! I brought the stuff.

Lisa:
I knew I could count on you.

Michelle:
Hi Mark. XYZ.

Mark:
What are you talking about?

Michelle:
Examine your zipper!

Everyone giggles.

Michelle:
You guys are too much. So, uh, what can I do to help?

Everyone laughs some more.

Mark:
I gotta go.

He exits. Michelle and Lisa are cracking up.

Lisa:
Want to help me move the coffee table?

Michelle:
Okay. What was he doing here?

Lisa:
Uh, he just brought by some takeout.

Michelle:
What about his zipper?

Lisa:
What about his zipper?

They move the coffee table.

Lisa:
Leave him alone, he’s a good guy.

Michelle:
Did you tell Johnny yet?

Lisa:
No. Mark’s his best friend.

Michelle:
Tricky tricky.

Lisa:
You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything’s changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.

Michelle:
You think you can get it all from Mark?

Lisa:
If he can’t give me what I want, somebody else will.

Michelle:
Lisa, you’re sounding just like your mother. You’re being so manipulative.

Lisa:
So what? You can learn something from me. You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live. Don’t worry about me. I have everything covered.

Michelle:
Your point of view is so different from mine.

Lisa:
Look. I don’t want to talk about it. People are going to be getting here soon and we have to finish.

Michelle:
Lisa!

Lisa:
I don’t see what the big deal is. Doesn’t everybody look out for number one? Don’t I deserve the best?

Michelle:
I couldn’t do that. You’re too much for me, Lisa.

Lisa:
You know, you’re not such an angel yourself.

Michelle:
Yeah, but we’re not talking about me, are we?

Michelle attacks Lisa with a pillow. A strange pillow vs broom fight ensues.

Lisa:
(laughing) Stop it! Are you trying to ruin my party?

Cut to a tracking shot of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Cut to Johnny and Mark running in the woods and muttering at each other.

Johnny:
Yeah, that’s the idea.

Mark:
Catch me, come on.

Cut to a shot of a staircase in San Francisco, which Johnny and Mark are running up.

Mark:
Yeah I’m looking for some offers in Sausalito. How are the [inaudible] like these days?

Johnny:
Pretty good, yeah, you’d be qualified.

Mark:
You serious?

Johnny:
Yeah, I’m sure.

Mark:
Well when can we meet about that?

Johnny:
Well, we can talk about this tomorrow.

Mark:
Tomorrow?

Johnny:
Yeah.

Mark:
Maybe late afternoon?

Johnny:
Absolutely. Three o’clock?

Mark:
Really? Wow, that’s great.

Cut to Johnny’s car pulling onto a residential street and parking in front of his house. Johnny and Mark exit the car.

Cut to an illuminated building on Columbus at night.

Cut to a cable car on a busy street in the daytime.

Cut to the room, where Lisa is sitting as Johnny enters.

Johnny:
Bye, Lisa. (he pecks her on the cheek)

Johnny opens the door to leave and Claudette enters.

Johnny:
Oh hi, Claudette. Bye!

Claudette:
Bye!

Johnny exits.

Lisa:
Hello mom, how are you?

Claudette:
I’m okay, how are you?

Lisa:
I’m fixing the apartment for Johnny’s birthday, but I’m really not into it.

Claudette:
Oh, why not?

Lisa:
Because I’m in love with Mark, not Johnny. And here I am, planning his party.

Claudette:
It’s not right, Lisa. I still think you should marry Johnny. Now you can’t live on love. You need financial security.

Lisa:
But I’m not happy! He still thinks I’m gonna marry him next month. He’s a fool.

Claudette:
You expect to be happy. I haven’t been happy since I married my first husband. I didn’t even want to marry your father.

Lisa:
You never told me that!

Claudette:
Well it’s true. All men are a**holes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there’s nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.

Lisa:
Johnny’s okay, I suppose. Actually, I have him wrapped around my little finger.

Claudette:
Well, you should be happy then.

Lisa:
But I don’t love him!

Claudette:
Don’t throw your life away just because you don’t love him! That’s ridiculous! You need to grow up. And you need to listen to me.

Lisa:
Okay, mom, I’ll see you at the party. I just need to be alone right now.

Claudette:
Bye bye, my precious.

Claudette exits.

Cut to the Embarcadero, where Johnny is walking.

Cut to the Disney store, where Johnny is walking.

Cut to a dark room. Johnny enters and turns on the lights to find the whole cast.

Everyone:
Surprise! (they all sing Happy Birthday while Johnny says things like “wow”, “okay”, and “thank you”)

Rate this script:4.4 / 39 votes