The Room Page #6

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Peter:
Yeah, you’ve got to establish these guidelines before you get married. Speaking of, how’d you ever meet Lisa? You never told us.

Johnny:
Well that’s a very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn’t know anyone and I have, uh, I head to YMCA with a $2000 check which I could not cash.

Mark:
Why not?

Johnny:
Well because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, uh, I was working as a busboy in a hotel, and uh, uh, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her. That’s how we met.

Mark:
So, I mean, what’s the interesting part?

Johnny:
Well the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.

Mark:
What? No tips from your job?

Johnny:
Whatever. Do you guys want to eat something?

Johnny exits to the kitchen. Lisa enters.

Lisa:
Hi guys. What’s going on?

Mark:
Oh, hey Lisa.

Peter:
Hi Lisa.

Denny materializes behind Lisa, then proceeds to stare out the window for some reason.

Lisa:
Where’s Johnny?

Mark:
In the kitchen. I gotta go.

Lisa:
I didn’t mean to chase you off. You should stick around for a while.

Mark:
I gotta work early. See ya.

Mark exits. Peter also exits. Denny crouches to the floor. Lisa also crouches to the floor.

Denny:
Did you get your wedding gown yet?

Lisa:
No. I’ve got plenty of time.

Denny:
Are you sure you have plenty of time? It’s only a month away.

Lisa:
It’ll be fine. What are you so worried about? Everything’s okay.

Denny:
Johnny doesn’t seem very excited. Is there a problem?

Lisa:
There’s no problem. Why do you ask?

Denny:
I just want you and Johnny to be happy.

They both stand up.

Lisa:
I am happy. Look, Denny, I need to talk to Johnny. Okay? I’ll see you later.

Denny:
Okay. Tell him I said hello?

Lisa:
Yeah.

Denny exits.

Cut to the roof. Peter enters. Mark is sitting on the roof, clad entirely in denim, smoking what might be a joint.

Peter:
Hey, Mark. What’s up?

Mark:
Oh, hey Peter.

Peter:
It’s a good place to think up here, isn’t it?

Mark:
What, man, you want to put me on the clock?

Peter:
What the hell is that?

Mark:
You want some? It’s good, bro.

Peter:
No, I don’t smoke that stuff.

Mark sighs and takes a drag.

Peter:
You look depressed.

Mark:
I got this sick feeling in my stomach, man. I did something awful. I don’t think I can forgive myself.

Peter:
Tell me about it.

Mark:
I just feel like, like running. I’m killing myself. Something crazy like that.

Peter:
Why are you smoking that crap? It’s no wonder you can’t think straight. It’s gonna screw with your head.

Mark:
It’s none of your business, man. You think you know everything. You don’t know sh*t.

Peter:
Listen, who do you think you are? You’re acting like a kid. Just grow up.

Mark:
Hey, who are you calling a kid? F*** you!

Peter:
Just chill out, Mark. I’m just trying to help. You’re having an affair with Lisa, aren’t you?

Mark:
What?

Peter:
Am I wrong?

Mark gets angry and ineffectively tries to push Peter off the roof.

Peter:
What are you, nuts? Gahhh!

Peter shoves Mark away.

Mark:
Sorry. Sorry man, you okay?

Peter:
Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just talk about your problem.

Mark:
You’re sure you’re okay.

Peter:
Yeah.

Mark kicks over a chair and a table.

Mark:
Goddammit man, f***. Why do you want to know my secret, man? Well you’re right! It’s Lisa. I don’t know what to do, man. I’m so depressed. It’s all her fault, she’s such a manipulative b*tch!

Peter:
How the hell did you let this happen?

Mark:
F***!

Peter:
You know this is going to ruin your friendship with Johnny? What were you thinking? Alright, you want my advice? Sometimes, life can get complicated, and you’ve got to be responsible. So you don’t see Lisa again, and you definitely don’t sleep with her again! Just find yourself another girl. She’s a sociopath! She only cares about herself. She can’t love anyone.

Mark:
Whatever, dude. Come on.

They exit together.

Cut to an exterior shot of a church in San Francisco.

Cut to the room, where Johnny is wearing a tuxedo and talking on the phone.

Johnny:
Oh, thank you. Yeah, thanks a lot.

Denny enters, wearing a tux and carrying a football.

Johnny:
Oh, hi Denny. Nice tux, you look great.

Denny:
You look really handsome.

Johnny:
A-ha-ha.

Denny:
Your wedding picture’s gonna look great.

Johnny:
Oh, thanks.

The doorbell rings. Denny answers it. Peter enters, wearing a tux.

Denny:
Oh hey, Peter, come on in.

Peter:
Hey guys.

Johnny:
Oh hey, Peter.

Denny:
You look good too.

Johnny:
Sit down.

The doorbell rings. Denny answers it. Mark enters, clean-shaven and wearing a tux.

Denny:
Whoa.

Johnny:
Wowwwwww.

Mark:
Hey guys. You like it?

Peter:
Yeah!

Johnny:
You look great. You look a babyface.

Denny:
You guys want to play some football?

Peter:
In tuxes? No, you gotta be kidding.

Denny:
Come on, Mark, let’s do it.

Mark:
I’m up for it.

Johnny:
A-ha.

Denny:
Johnny?

Johnny:
Ask Peter.

Denny:
Come on, Peter.

Peter:
Nah, I don’t think so.

Denny:
Please?

Peter:
No.

Denny:
Come on! Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep! (Johnny and Mark join in)

Cut to the alley, where Johnny, Mark, Peter, and Denny are throwing around the football in tuxedos.

Denny:
Catch, Johnny! Alright, Peter! Here we go, Mark!

Mark:
Come on! Come on! Come on!

Denny:
Catch, Mark!

Mark:
Go! Go deep!

Peter tries to go deep, but instead trips and falls.

Denny:
Gee Peter, you’re clumsy.

Peter:
Alright, that’s it, I’m done. Great idea, Denny.

Everyone helps Peter up and exits.

Cut to an exterior street shot in San Francisco.

Cut to the fountain by the Exploratorium, where Johnny is out walking.

Cut to a coffee shop.

Susan:
Are you sure?

Patron 1:
I wanna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.

Patron 2:
Um, I’ll have a large peanut butter cup with extra whipped cream, please?

Male Barista:
Alright.

Patron 3:
And I’ll take a cheesecake and a coffee.

Barista 2:
Okay, why don’t you guys have a seat? We’ll have that right out for you.

Susan:
Hi, how you doing? What would you like?

Patron 4:
Can I get a bagel with a [inaudible]?

Susan:
Great, sure.

Patron 5:
I’m gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.

Male Barista:
Yeah, sounds good. Why don’t you guys have a seat, we’ll have that right out for you.

Johnny and Mark enter.

Johnny:
Oh hi, Susan.

Susan:
Well, hi Johnny. How are you? Good to see you. What would you like?

Johnny:
Hot chocolate, please.

Male Barista:
What size?

Johnny:
Medium.

Male Barista:
Sure.

Susan:
How about you?

Mark:
I’ll have the mint tea.

Male Barista:
Medium also?

Mark:
Yeah.

Susan:
Go sit down, we’ll be right there.

Johnny and Mark sit down.

Mark:
God, I’m so tired of girls’ games.

Johnny:
What happened now, Mark?

Mark:
Relationships never work, man, I don’t know why I waste my time.

Johnny:
What makes you say that?

Mark:
It’s not that easy, Johnny.

Johnny:
Well, you should be happy, Mark.

Mark:
Yeah, I know. Life is too short.

Susan brings the drinks.

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