The Royal Tenenbaums Page #5

---

the Queen of Corona... #

Come here.

# See you, me and Julio #

- That's it! Run!

# Down by the schoolyard #

# See you, me and Julio

down by the schoolyard. #

Whoo-hoo!

Yippee!

He saved my life, you know.

knifed in a bazaar

in Calcutta.

He carried me

to the hospital on his back.

Who stabbed you?

He did.

Yeah, there was

a price on my head

and he was a hired assassin.

Stuck me right in the gut

with that. Shoot.

Hey!

What?

Where have you been?

Uh, we just stepped out

to get some air.

What's that?

Holy sh*t.

That's not?

What is that?

Oh, no, no,

that's, uh, dog's blood.

Come here.

What?

You stay away from my children.

Do you understand?

My God, I haven't been

in here for years.

Hey! Are you listening to me!

Yes, I am!

I think you've having

a nervous breakdown!

I don't think you recovered

from Rachael's death.

I...

There you are.

How are you feeling?

I'm having a ball.

Scrapping and yelling

and mixing it up.

Loving every minute

with this damn crew.

I want to thank you

for raising our children

by the way.

Okay.

I'm not kidding.

You always put them first,

didn't you?

I tried to.

Lately I feel like maybe

I didn't do such a great job.

Goddamn it,

don't do that to yourself.

I'm the one that failed them.

Or, anyway,

it's nobody's fault.

Plus, that... it doesn't...

Why didn't you give

a damn about us, Royal?

Why didn't you care?

I don't know.

I'm ashamed of myself.

I'll tell you

one thing, though...

you got more grit, fire and guts

than any woman

I have ever met.

What... what are you

smiling about?

Nothing.

No, wha... what's so funny?

Nothing.

It's these little

expressions of yours.

I don't know

what you're talking about

but I'll take it

as a compliment.

You're true blue, Ethel.

You really are.

How's your love life?

None of your business.

I'd like you to talk

to Royal about us

if you don't mind.

I don't think the timing's right

for that, Henry.

Well, I'd agree

ifl thought he was really

going to die in six weeks

but I don't.

Well, I hope you're right.

Actually, I don't believe

I'll join you tonight.

I'll call you in the morning.

She said that?

Great.

Got the sucker on the ropes.

Can I ask you something, Hank?

Okay.

Are you trying

to steal my woman?

I beg your pardon?

You heard me, Coltrane.

Coltrane?

What?

Did you just call me "Coltrane"?

No.

You didn't?

No.

Okay.

But ifl did...

you wouldn't be able to do

anything about it, would you?

You don't think so?

No, I don't.

Listen, Royal

if you think

you can march in here...

You want to talk some jive?

I'll talk some jive.

I'll talk some jive

like you've never heard.

- Oh, yeah?

- Right on!

- Sit down.

- What?!

Wh-what did you say?

I said sit down, goddamn it!

Oh, I heard you!

I want you out of my house!

This is not your house!

I want your raggedy ass out!

Don't talk semantics with me.

Oh, this is not your...

What's going on here?

Nothing.

Mmm.

Hello, I'm calling in regards

to a Dr. McClure... yes...

at Colby General.

The name of the patient

is Royal Tenenbaum.

Hmm...

Is that a Tic-Tac?

How much is he paying you?

I don't know what

you're talking about.

Well, I grew up with the

Tenenbaum family, you know.

Right.

Across the street.

Mm-hmm.

They've fallen on hard times

now, haven't they?

I can't say no.

This is bullshit.

Change it, huh?

What did you do to your hand?

Uh, nothing.

Can we get somebody over here

to kill these mice for us?

No. They belong to Chas.

Or anyway, he invented them.

Well, get him to stick them

in a f***ing cage

or something.

Etheline... mind coming up here

for a minute, please?

What's cooking, Pops?

You'll see.

Now, your previous novel...

Yes. Wildcat.

Right.

Not a success.

Why?

Well, Wildcat was written

in a kind of obsolete

vernacular...

Wildcat...

Wild... cat...

Wildcat...

I'm going to go.

I'm taking this off

and I'm going.

Stepping out.

What the hell

kind of way to act is that?

Open the door.

He's on drugs.

I'll be right back.

James Bradley...

Hold on a minute, please.

What's going on?

Pagoda has something to say.

He has a cancer.

No, he doesn't.

I know what stomach cancer

looks like.

I've seen it.

And you don't eat

three cheeseburgers a day

with French fries if you got it.

The pain is excruciating.

How would you know?

My wife had it.

Not only is there

no Dr. McClure at Colby General

there is no Colby General.

It closed in 1974.

Aw, sh*t, man.

Oh, sh*t, man.

Yes, can you send a taxi

to 111 Archer Avenue

right away, please?

Thank you.

I guess we're back out

on the street, huh, pal?

Were you part of this,

Pagoda?

Of course he was.

No, well, yeah, he was

but, I mean,

he wasn't that involved.

Where'd you get all

these medical supplies?

A guy at St. Pete's

owed me a favor.

I did some malpractice work

for him.

I do have

high blood pressure, though.

Look, I know I'm going to be

the bad guy on this one.

But I just want to say,

the last six days have been

the best six days

of probably my whole life.

Immediately after

making this statement

Royal realized

that it was true.

Why'd you do this to us, Royal?

What was the point?

I thought I could win you back.

And then I thought I could

get rid ofHenry...

and at least keep

the status quo.

But we hadn't spoken

in seven years.

I know.

Plus, uh...

I was broke.

And I got kicked out

of my hotel.

You're a bastard.

Good-bye, Royal.

Take it easy

on those boys, Chassie.

I don't want this

to happen to you.

You know, Richie, this illness,

this closeness to death

has had a profound effect

on me.

L- I feel like a different

person, I really do.

Dad, you were never dying.

But I'm going to live.

He's not your father.

Neither are you.

You son of a b*tch!

God... damn...

That's the last time you put

a knife in me, hear me?

The 375th Street Y, please.

Everyone's against me.

It's your fault, man.

Yeah, I know, but damn it,

I want this family to love me.

How much money you got?

I don't have.

What, you're broke?

You got to be kidding me.

How are we going to pay

for this room?

All right,

we'll think of something.

Ow.

I'm not in love

with you anymore.

I didn't know you ever were.

Let's not make this

any more difficult

than it already is.

Okay.

Okay, what?

Okay, I'm not in love

with you, either.

Yes, I know;

you're in love with Richie

which is sick and gross.

Do you send my mother

your clippings...

and your grades from college?

Please stop belittling me.

You never gave me

the time of day

till I started getting

good reviews.

Your reviews aren't that good.

But the sales are.

Gentlemen... how much

do you already know?

Very little, I'm afraid.

Would you like

to examine the report?

Yes.

# Jackie is a punk,

Judy is a runt #

# They both went down to Berlin,

joined the Ice Capades #

# And, oh, I don't know why #

# Oh, I don't know why #

# Perhaps they'll die,

oh, yeah #

# Perhaps they'll die #

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