The Sandlot: Heading Home Page #2

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- Sorry, Uncle Chops.

- Would have been a triple too...

if he hadn't screwed it up.

- In your dreams, fat ass.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Are we gonna have

a situation here?

'Cause we don't want

a situation, do we? Huh?

- [Boys] No.

- Good. What's your name, kid?

Who you calling kid, tubs?

Is that any way to talk

to an officer of the law?

- Where's my P.D. A?

- Your what?

- My blackberry?

- Hey, that's mine.

And it's not blackberry.

It's strawberry-banana.

- Are you serious? I love strawberry.

- Hey!

He's that new kid

who just moved onto Glenview Road.

What are you talking about?

I live in Beverly Hills.

And what's up with this "kid" crap?

Which one of you jacked my phone?

I gotta call my agent.

Don't even think about autographs.

[Boy] Why would we want

your autograph, loser?

Bicentennial?

What's goin' on?

Yeah. We got a situation.

- % % [Woman Singing Lullaby]

- [Moans]

% % [humming]

Where am I?

You're home, sweetheart.

No, I can't be.

I must be dreaming.

Just relax.

You'll feel better in the morning.

Mom.

- It's really good to see you again.

- [Chuckles]

- Honey.

- I've missed you so much.

Oh, honey. I'm right here.

% % [humming]

- I like this dream.

- Shh.

[Tommy Screams]

- Well, hello there, sleepyhead.

- Wh-Where am I?

You're home, sweetheart.

No, no, no.

Something's very wrong.

Mom? Am I dead?

Why would you ask

such a silly thing?

Because I'm wearing my Speed Racer P.J.'s

that I haven't seen in 30 years.

Fine. I got a little backed up

on the laundry.

There's still a lot

of unpacking to do.

Don't worry, your Batman and Robin

ones haven't run off.

- Mom, do you know how old I am?

- Twelve, almost 13.

No. I'm 41 years old.

I live in Beverly hills.

I've got a smokin'-hot girlfriend

who's got her own reality show.

I play center field for the Dodgers.

And somehow I'm back here.

And you're here.

And the pancakes smell so real.

And I think I'm gonna throw up.

All right, all right. Take it easy.

I thought you loved pancakes.

- I'll make you some eggs.

- No eggs. I do protein shakes.

- Ginseng, spirulina.

- Maybe you have a concussion

and I let you sleep too long.

I'm gonna call the doctor right now.

Mom, put down the phone.

I don't think I have a concussion.

I just think I'm dead.

[Chuckling]

I bet this'll bring you back to life.

Give me a break.

Has everyone gone nuts?

Okay, Tommy, why don't you

tell me what's wrong?

Come on, Doc. Isn't it your job

to tell me what's wrong?

All right.

Uh, how's your memory?

Well, I remember some things

like they were real.

Like my mom and the house...

and the kids from the sandlot.

But other things,

they're kind of foggy.

- Like I'm watching TiVo.

- TiVo? You mean TV? Uh, television?

No, TiVo. Pausing real time,

zapping commercials.

Unless I'm in them.

Why don't you wait outside a minute

while I talk to your mom, okay?

I'd actually prefer to stay, Doc.

My trainers back at Dodger Stadium

give me the skinny all the time.

That's what I mean. I don't know

half the things he's talking about.

Well, his... Your retinas appear to be fine,

and the heart rate is normal.

Other than a little bump

on your noggin, I think... [Chuckles]

Well, he's fine.

[Tommy]

Fine? You think I'm fine?

Look at me.

Look at this haircut.

Look at these weak little biceps.

How can you call any of this fine?

Let's go, Mom.

This guy's a quack.

Tommy, you apologize this instant.

No, no. That's okay.

Actually, Tommy, I would like to have

another word with your mother though.

- [Whispering] In private.

- Whatever.

- [Door Opens, Closes]

- Sara, I think Tommy's

suffering from some sort...

of emotional stress,

but he'll be fine.

You are the one that

I am concerned about.

Me? I'm well, thank you.

I guess I'm strong enough

for the chemo again.

Mmm. Then maybe we should

pick up on the treatments...

where you left off before the move.

That'd be fine, Doctor.

Now, if he starts acting up again...

I'd show him some pictures

of family and friends...

just to bring him back

to reality, as it were.

Maybe that's what he's fighting.

Reality.

That was surreal.

I don't know about you, Mom,

but I could sure use a drink.

We could go get a soda.

And this is your Uncle Henry.

Uncle Henry. You remember

your Uncle Henry, don't you, sweetheart?

Mmm, sure.

I remember Uncle Henry.

Cheap son of a...

Who is this again?

That's you.

And that's you at the lake.

Oh. And there's you at Big Bear.

And this is that day

last summer, you remember...

when we went to that music festival

with your Cousin Jimmy?

Oh, right. Shame what happened

to him though.

What happened to him?

Did Margie call with some bad news?

No. When Jimmy's band

broke up in the early '90s...

he got himself a job

at home Depot in Calabasas.

What's home Depot?

Last I heard, he was

assistant manager in hardware.

[Chuckles] Divorced,

up to his neck in alimony payments.

- What?

- Little Jimmys in the fourth grade...

and got all straight A's

this past year, Tommy.

- Who's this again?

- [Doorbell Rings]

- [Kids Chattering]

- I'll get that.

- Guys, stop pushing.

- What's your problem?

- Shut up.

- Guys, guys.

Tommy, some boys

are here for you.

- Get your hand off me.

- Good job.

Shut up.

- Hey, I'm D.P. This is Wings...

- Timber and Two Ton.

Yeah, I remember you guys.

It's all comin' back to me.

- Like it was yesterday.

- It was yesterday.

Anyway, we just wanted

to see how you were feeling.

Yeah. Lucky it wasn't your eyeball.

[Slurps, Pops]

Well, I'm fine now. Thanks for

stopping by, kids. See ya around.

What's with this

constant "kid" crap?

I'm really glad you're not

gonna be playing on our team.

- What team?

- Our team. We play on the sandlot.

- [Whispering] The sandlot.

- [Wings] Yeah, sandlot.

- Needs another player.

- And only because the best

ballplayer in the history...

of sandlot is back,

puttin' on a clinic.

Who said anything about me

putting on a clinic?

- You?

- I'm talkin' about Benny.

- The Jet.

- Rodriguez.

- [Chucking] That bum?

- Bum?

He's got the best batting average

on the Dodgers this year.

Wait. He's here too?

- Benny's amazing, man.

- The best.

Please. Benny only got as far

as he did because he can run.

Then his knee tanked him.

He retired and became a coach.

- What's he talking about?

- [Sara] You should go with them, honey.

- Fresh air'll do you some good.

- But, Mom...

No buts. Get out. I'm serious.

Let me get my mitt.

- [Whispering] Guy's nuts.

- [Indistinct]

[Sniffs]

% % [Folk-Rock]

% % [Man Singing]

% % [Continues]

% % [Ends]

All right, so we're gonna do

some hitting, some fielding...

and you're gonna play outfield.

D.P., behind the plate, as usual.

[Wings]

We've got everybody here. Let's play.

I want you three to play outfield.

[Boy]

We've got this new kid today.

- We're gonna have four outfielders then.

- That makes sense.

- Let's play some ball.

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