The Santa Clause Page #2

of delicious seasonal | favourite eggnog?

- I don't like eggnog. | - We're out.

- Coffee. Decaf. | - Mm-hmm.

- I'll have chocolate milk, please. | - We're out.

- Plain milk's fine. | - Okay.

- At least we know | they got hot apple pie. | - We did.

Mm-hmm!

This is nice.

"And Mama in her kerchief | and I in my cap...

- I'm dreaming | - "had just settled down | for a long winter's nap.

- Of a white | - "When out on the lawn, | there arose such a clatter,

- Christmas | - "l sprang from my bed | to see what was the matter.

"Away to the window | I flew like a flash.

"With a miniature sleigh and St. | Nich-- and Prancer and Dancer--

...and to all a good night."

- What's that? | - What's what?

"A Rose Suchak ladder"?

It's not a ladder. | I said, "arose such a clatter."

It means, eh, | "came a big noise."

What?

Charlie, "arose" is a word | that means "it came,"

and "clatter" | is a big noise.

Now, please, go to sleep. | Shut your eyes.

How do reindeer fly? | They don't have any wings.

- Fairy dust? | - That's from Peter Pan, Dad.

- Horns. | - Antlers.

Whatever. | Their, uh, antlers give them--

You know, ther-- ther-- there's | a slipstream effect-- The air go--

T-They move fa-- | They're weightless.

- But if Santa's so fat, how | did he get down the chimneys? | - He sucks it in like Grandpa.

But what about people | who don't have fireplaces? | How does he get into their house?

Charlie, sometimes believing | in something means you--

means you just | believe in it.

Santa uses reindeer to fly because | that's how he has to get around.

But you do believe | in Santa, right, Dad?

Of course I believe in Santa. | Now, please, go to sleep.

- Dad? | - What is it, Charlie?

Maybe you better leave some cookies | and milk out, just in case, okay?

Great. I'll just go | preheat the oven.

And don't forget | the fire extinguisher.

Good night, Charlie.

Ho!

Now, settle down there.

Dad! Dad!

- W-What? | - I heard a clatter.

- What, Charlie? | - There! A clatter!

- Charlie, what are you talkin' about? | - You know, "it came a big noise."

It's coming from outside.

Charlie, it's just | the wind or somethin'.

Come on. | Let's go back to bed.

- Somebody's on the roof. | - Maybe it's Santa.

Not now, Charlie. | I want you to sit here, | and I want you to stay right there.

- Charlie, do you know how to call 911? | - Sure. 911.

Yeah. Great. Stay there.

- Hey, you! | - What's that--

Whoa! Whoa! Wh-Whoa!

Whoo-hoo! | Hey, buddy.

All right, you should | just stay still. Perfect.

- You got him! | - Charlie, stay where you are.

Charlie, would you listen to me? | Stay up there!

It is Santa! | You killed him.

Did not. | And he's not Santa.

Well, he was.

He's got some l.D. | on him, I bet.

Fella, if you can hear me, I'm just | lookin' for your identification.

Once I figure out who ya are, I'll-- | I'll give you a lift back to the mall.

"lf something should | happen to me, put on my suit. | The reindeer will know what to do."

Yeah, right.

Whoa.

- Dad! | - Hey.

He disappeared.

- Whoa! | - He's naked somewhere.

- You gonna put on the suit | like the card said? Are you? | - No. No.

- Come on, Dad. I wanna go too. | - Stop it, Charlie. | We're not goin' anywhere.

- You never do what I wanna do! | - Would you please be quiet for a minute | so I can figure this out?

Reindeer up on the roof. | Santa suit layin' on the ground.

Guy fell. Not my fault.

Reindeer on the roof. | That is hard to explain.

It's the ladder.

Where the hell'd | this come from?

Look here, Dad. | "The Rose Suchak Ladder Company."

- Huh? | - "Out by the roof | there's a Rose Suchak ladder."

- Just like the poem. | - Just like the poem?

Charlie, come on down from there. | Charlie, get down from there!

Dad! You gotta see this!

- Don't touch anything! | - It's great!

I'm just gonna call the police. | I'll carry this stuff up there. | Let them deal with it, okay?

Whoa! This guy was huge.

Dad, isn't this neat?

Charlie. Charlie! | Stay away from those things.

They're reindeer. | You don't know where they've been.

They all look like | they've got key lime disease.

Easy, Rudolph.

Excuse me, Comet.

Dad! Check out Santa's sleigh.

There's no such thing | as Santa's sleigh.

- Sure there is. You said | you believed in Santa, right? | - I did? I do.

What about the reindeer? | These are Santa's reindeer, aren't they?

I hope not. | These are, uh,

a gift.

Probably from | the cable company.

We're getting the Disney Channel now. | Merry Christmas.

- Now, hop out of there, please. | - I don't wanna go.

Listen, Charlie. | I'm not kidding. Let's go!

- Whoa! Whoa! | - Yeah! Let's go! Whoa!

Charlie! Hold on, Charlie!

Whoa!

Giddyap, Comet! | Whoa, let's go!

Dad! Climb up here!

There we go!

So, uh, if we go straight | on this road, and we hit l-94--

Well, we made good time. | Now what do we do?

- Get the bag of toys. | - And do what?

- Go down the chimney. | - Down the chimney?

You want me to take | the toys down the chimney...

into a strange house | in my underwear?

No. You gotta | put the suit on first.

You know what we're gonna do | is we're gonna get outta here,

because this whole thing | is stupid.

How come everything | I wanna do is stupid?

I didn't say that.

Freezing my nubs off out here, and you | want me to get into a Santa costume.

This is great. | A Santa costume.

Oh, this thing. | You never know where it's been.

A thousand malls.

Well, I hope you're happy, Comet. | Hope you're happy. But most of all,

I hope the guy that | lives here is a tailor!

Nice coat.

Well, how do I look? Nice?

- You forgot the sash. | - You're right.

This completes the ensemble.

All right. Got my boots.

Now I've got the suit on. | How am I supposed to know what to leave?

- Maybe there's a list. | - A list. How silly of me.

Of course there's a list.

Careful, Dad!

- I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay! | - Look! You're flying!

It's okay. I'm used to it. | I lived through the '60s.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Nice teeth.

Who's down there?

It's the holidays. | Come on. Come on.

Charlie, I need | a little help down here!

Whoa! How'd you do that? | What'd it feel like, Dad?

It felt like | America's Most Wanted.

Now, pull me in, quick. | We gotta get outta here.

Thanks. We gotta go home. | How do you start this thing?

Just like that!

Whoa!

This could be | a really long night.

Do it again, Dad. Please.

I can't. That thing's empty.

There's nothin' in the bag.

Even if there was, d-didn't | you notice there's no chimney?

Where there's no chimney, | there's no fireplace.

Are you growling at me?

Look, Comet, like I said,

there is nothing left--

That's so weird, 'cause | I know when I did-- that--

No, no, no, no, no! | Hold it!

There's no chimney here. Can you | hear me? No chimney, all right?

Lookin' good, Dad.

You have got to be kidding! | Come on!

Look at the size | of this thing.

Weird! Ow!

Ouch! Oh!

- Santa? | - Scott Calvin.

How come your clothes | are so baggy?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes