The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

Ho ho ho.

All right, class,

if a reindeer leaves Elfsburg

flying west at 20 miles per hour,

and another reindeer flies east

travelling at 50 miles per hour,

how many hours does it take

for them to be 210 miles apart?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Trish.

How come we can't learn

things we want to?

- Like what?

- Like...

Was it weird when you married Santa

and had to move up to the Pole

and give up your old life?

Weirder than you can

possibly imagine.

But then something

so gigantic happened

that it changed

Santa and me forever.

Like what?

OK.

Baby Claus is on the way.

Ladies, keep up.

Please, hot water and hot ointments.

You, think sugar plums.

Do not panic!

Do not panic!

- Curtis, the baby's coming.

- Cocoa, the baby's coming.

- Mrs Claus, the baby's coming.

- I know!

Deep breaths.

That's gonna leave a mark.

Push.

Oh.

- Oh, Scott.

- Everything's gonna be all right.

- Where's Dr Hismus?

- Oh, oh, Scott.

I'm right here, babe.

I'm right here. It's all right.

Honey, it was a false alarm.

Again?

I stopped a pedicure for this?

Scott! Scott, come here.

Come here just for a second. Come here.

Scott, come here.

Come here, come here, come here.

OK.

Ready? Wait for the kick.

- He's a genius.

- He?

She. She's brilliant like her mother,

- with rhythm like her dad.

- Yes. But not amazing timing.

I wish the baby

had come this afternoon,

or last week like we thought.

I'm going crazy.

I'm really going crazy.

- You need a diversion.

- No, no, Scott.

No more gifts.

You already gave me a necklace,

- oven mitts, the cheese wheel.

- This is not for you.

This is for the baby.

I'll be back in a jiff.

Ho ho!

Ho!

- Ho!

- That never gets old.

OK, now what do we have

in the bag for a baby?

Well, oddly enough,

we have a baby bag.

And inside that baby bag,

let's see what it is...

We have...

Oh.

Oh, Scott! Oh, honey,

it's beautiful!

The baby's gonna love it.

Yeah. It spins around like this.

Oh. Later. Come on in.

- Hey, doc.

- Dr Hismus, I'm glad you could come.

How are you today?

I'm a little concerned

because the baby hasn't come yet.

No need to worry, Mrs Claus.

Santa! Production has been so behind

we need you on the floor immediately.

I can't come down now. It's impossible.

I'm still mapping out the sleigh route.

- Got plenty of work here.

- Have you checked this list once?

- I perused it.

- Help me help you. Help me help you.

Let's start with

your blood pressure, OK?

Help me help you,

help you help you help me,

- help me help you.

- Don't be nervous.

- It'll be done before you know it.

- Help you help me help you... help me.

Help you.

One more thing. The Council of Legendary

Figures called an emergency meeting.

I can't leave the North Pole

and go to a meeting.

- They know. That's why they came.

- Here?

- Where? In the kitchen?

- In the kitchen.

- Is there an echo in here?

- OK, OK. You know what?

Sweetheart, I'm feeling so much better.

I think that I'm going to go...

on a walk, which is great for the baby.

You stay here and have

your blood pressure taken,

which is great, and I'm gonna go see

what's down the hall.

Hi, ladies.

Honey?

Honey.

- Carol.

- Anything I can do for you, ma'am?

No, thanks.

- Care for some company?

- Not from you, Mr Claus.

- Why not?

- You can't spend time with me

and get toys ready,

I understand completely.

- You do?

- Of course I do.

I just hope you're not delivering

when I'm delivering.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

Carol, there's no way I could...

Nice chrome work, Lenny.

That is so workin'!

- Thanks, Santa.

- Yeah, baby, yeah.

All right.

Look, I know this is all

a bit overwhelming to you,

but... wait a minute. Stop.

Did you see this?

Amazing technology.

Look at this. It's a duck.

It quacks in three languages.

El ducko says "quacko."

Le duck says "quack."

Il duck-e say "quack-e."

Things can't help me right now.

- Hey, come back-e.

- It's people that I need.

You know, family.

Ho ho ho ho! Family?

We are your family.

Elves, we're her family, right?

We love you, Mrs Claus.

Taller family.

Human family.

Oh, sweetheart, anything but the tears.

- I'm sorry. Thank you.

- It's OK.

It's an impossible situation.

If I didn't want to be with you

so much, I would go home.

But I can't have it both ways.

I guess I just...

Wait a minute.

Hey. Maybe you can.

- I can what?

- Have it both ways.

- How?

- I can bring home here.

- You can?

- You can?

I'm gonna bring

your parents up here.

- My parents?

- Her parents?

Elves!

Sir, the SOS.

- Excuse me?

- SOS. Secret of Santa.

There could be dire consequences.

The possibilities increase

exponentially that the secret

of the North Pole's location

could be compromised.

Christmas would cease to exist,

crushing the hopes and dreams

of the world's children and

extinguishing the joy of Santa's magic!

There's that.

He has a point.

My parents can't keep a secret.

Listen, honey, the reason

you came up here was because of me.

I'll do what it takes

to make this right.

- You will?

- Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, I will.

You know why?

Cause what do they say about Santa?

- He delivers!

- Yes!

How will you pull it off? My parents

think you're a toymaker in Canada.

How am I gonna pull this off?

The answer is in the question.

"How are we going to do this? My dad

thinks you're a toymaker in Canada."

- Canada?

- Canada.

It's north, in North America, eh?

Vinegar on their French fries,

they sit on their chesterfield

to watch hockey.

Shoot the puck, daddy-o!

Come on, everybody!

Elves, everybody listen up.

Grab your hammers,

the in-laws are coming.

Hey, Robbie.

Virgil, let me see your teeth.

That's good. Hiya, elves.

- Hi, Tooth Fairy.

- Open up. Let me see.

Beautiful teeth.

Open the doors if

you want to fall in love!

Everybody, look,

Cupid in the house.

Oh, work, work, work.

That's nice to see.

- Hi, Cupid.

- What'd I miss?

Where's fat boy?

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Cupid, what's up?

Hey, EB.

- Santa.

- Molarnator.

Sandman.

Mother Nature, Father Time.

Merry Christmas, again.

Good to see everyone.

You think it's necessary

to call an emergency meeting?

I'm ready to ride the sleigh,

know what I mean?

We thought you should see this.

Silver bells!

I found 270 of them at shopping malls

scattered across the Northwest.

I hereby call this session of the

Council of Legendary Figures to order.

This is ridiculous.

- Sandman!

- I'm up, I'm up!

Hey, Cupid, nice skirt.

Easter Bunny.

Our first and only

order of business

is the disciplinary action to be taken

against council member Jack Frost.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

You love it. Am I right?

You guys finally woke up

and are giving me my own holiday.

Frostmas, of course,

is just a placeholder.

I'm wide open.

Frostgiving, the Frost of July.

Frosthog Day,

the possibilities are endless.

Jack, you are hereby

charged with 273 counts

of attempted upstaging of Santa Claus.

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