The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause Page #2

You froze a volcano in Hawaii,

you made it snow in the Amazon

and you frosted Mexico, sending all

of the geese north for the winter.

You violated

the Legendary Figures code of conduct

in a manner that is

wilful and malicious.

Excuse me. Did you just accuse me

of being skilful and delicious?

- Please.

- Guilty as charged.

You herald the season.

You're not a holiday.

You're the best friend,

not the leading man.

And you kill fruit.

All in favour of suspending Jack Frost

from the Legendary Council, say...

Wait a minute!

Father Time, wait a minute.

You gotta understand,

I have enormous untapped potential.

But all I am year after year

is an opening act.

A setup man for Mr Big.

- Why don't you let that go?

- No.

We have the same conversation

every year.

You get the soda cans

and the TV specials.

The postage stamps,

the billboards,

the beautiful adoring wife,

and the army of toy-building yes men.

What do I get?

A few runny noses and some dead citrus.

You know, Jack,

it's no picnic being me.

Because of problems an entire continent

might go without toys. That's right.

On top of that, I've got to protect the

secret of Santa because the in-laws...

Mr and Mrs In-Bad-Mood-Every-Time-

l-Turn-Around are coming.

Not supposed to,

gotta come up with a solution.

On top of that, I'm worried

about being a father again

because I wasn't all that good at it

the first time.

Oh, Santa.

We had no idea.

Oh, Santa, I'm sorry.

If it were me in the red suit, I'd

probably go right to the Escape Clause.

Oh, no, the Escape Clause.

Way too extreme. Really.

Escape Clause?

What's up with that?

Maybe if you'd attend a meeting

once in a while you'd know.

You can manipulate time

but can't grow hair.

Legendary?

I don't think so.

I am not evoking the Escape Clause.

I made a commitment.

I'll handle the toys

and be there when

my wife delivers that baby.

- Let me help.

- You've done quite enough.

No, no, no.

Instead of a suspension,

- how about community service?

- Please.

What if... what if I...

What if I tutor myself

at the elbow of the master?

Huh? I could lend a hand.

Make some toys, wrap a few presents.

And if I don't make it with the hefty

man, he says the word you suspend me.

Please, Santa.

I know I don't deserve another chance,

but I am asking you for one.

I want to make things right.

All right.

You don't want to get suspended?

I'll give you one more chance.

But you have to be a

Jack-Frost-of-all-trades.

- You have to listen to the elves.

- Uh-huh.

Curtis is your boss.

And I mean it.

If there's one,

one icicle out of place,

- you are gone.

- I will not let you down.

Motion carried.

Ho ho ho!

Boys, boys, save it

for the stables, will you?

Look there. They got a new roof.

Easy, easy!

Uncle Scott is here!

Lucy! Coat!

Comet!

Next time we fly, go easy

on the alfalfa, will you?

- Uncle Scott.

- Hey, Luce. There we are.

- There it is.

- All warm?

Just like magic.

You have the warmest hug in the world.

- Hello.

- Hi, Comet!

- Hey, son.

- Hi, Dad.

I missed you so much. Hi.

A few days early, aren't you?

Isn't that baby due any moment?

Oh, we got lots

to talk about. Hey, Neil.

That's a...

That's a good-looking sweater vest.

- It's reversible.

- Of course it is.

- Let's go inside.

- Lucy, come on.

Look at that,

it's snowing in Hawaii.

Yeah. It's not really magical

like the one Charlie has,

but I love it.

And now I have 12. See?

You know, I have

quite the snow globe collection myself.

- How's Danielle doing?

- Good.

Thanks for letting me

go snowboarding with her.

You're welcome.

Hey, I brought you something.

Just a little thing.

Oh, boy.

What a mess in here.

There we are.

Wedged behind a wheelbarrow.

Dad! That's awesome!

- Thank goodness it wasn't a car.

- Thanks, Dad.

Wow, this is beautiful.

Lucy, sweetheart,

what are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on out. Come out here. Come here.

- Get out of the bag.

- Why can't I fit inside?

It takes a lot of practice.

I wish I could come

to the North Pole with you.

I could help Carol a lot

and she loves me.

That's true. And hey,

maybe I should be the one

there for Carol.

You know?

I mean, another mom.

I could... I could help.

- Hey, maybe...

- Girls.

I've got a full sleigh.

You understand my situation.

Now, wait a minute, Scott.

Let's pause a moment here...

...and take a feelings inventory.

Let's look at what you're doing as

an uncle from a therapeutic standpoint.

Charlie's been to the Pole.

Your new baby's

being born at the Pole.

Lucy's a member of

this family too, Scott.

And if you harshly exclude her

from this formative experience,

you could scar her for life.

And, consequently, her parents,

who must accompany her

on long-distance journeys.

Please, Uncle Scott.

Can I come to the North Pole, too?

Please?

Oh, that's awfully good, isn't it?

Guys, I've done it.

What have you done?

Is it going to clean itself up?

I don't think so. Quickly, quickly.

Curtis, I haven't seen

the bearded wonder around for a while.

- Where'd he go?

- None of your skis' wax.

No need to be nippy. With all

the stress, I wouldn't blame the guy

- for doing that escape hatch thing.

- Escape Clause.

Little elf woman, one cocoa, por favor.

- Right away.

- Thank you.

How does that Escape Clause work,

anyway?

Sorry, classified.

Elfland Security Act.

- That's just what I'd say.

- What?

If I didn't know anything.

Don't be embarrassed.

Makes perfect sense,

big guy would know important stuff.

For your information,

I'm elf number one.

I know all there is

about the Hall of Snow Globes.

Everybody knows about the Hall

of Snow Globes. That's not special.

Not special?

Not special?

It's the most top-secret,

hush-hush, amazing

place in the world.

It's where every Santa through history

has kept his personal snow globe.

How can you say that

that's not special?

Because it isn't.

Unless you know what it has to do with

the Escape Clause, which you don't.

I bet Santa doesn't even trust you.

Now, you listen here, frostface.

Secret Santa snow globe.

Santa.

I wish that I had never

become Santa at all.

Wait, wait, wait, what's this?

This is where I'm transported

through time

and everything goes back

to the way it was,

like I'd never become Santa at all.

Gets the snow globe,

puts his hands on it, says the words,

and then whoosh!

Job opening:
Santa Claus.

Told you I know everything.

Wow.

I never dreamed I'd be so well-connected

to elves in high places.

We really must party

in my condo in Gstaad sometime.

It'd be fun.

Tell me, how do you get into

the Hall of Snow Globes, anyway?

Sorry, Jack. Now that's classified.

I know that...

...elf number one.

- Did you bring the deep-dreamin' stuff?

- Got it.

It's important they sleep and dream

they're on a wonderful flight to Canada.

- I'm with the programme.

- Good.

I may be sleepy, but I'm not stupid.

Yeah, well, take the hat off.

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