The Secret Laughter of Women Page #2

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She is tortured by spiritual problems.

His mother...

You do not know my daughter?

- Mamma Sammy? The gardener?

- The landscape architect!

- Where is your junior brother?

- My son.

He's out doing his boyscout

"good deed".

Good boy.

I'm walking in your direction.

So if you'd like to wait for me...

Mamma! Mamma!

Look who I've got for you!

Your son is calling you.

You are Mamma Sammy?

- Sammy!

- Oh dear, you're alright?

- Yes, thank you. Who are you?

- I'm Matthew Field.

- You write Sammy's "Saracen"?

- Sometimes.

Let's walk on,

people are staring.

What d'you expect?

Satan walking you home from church.

It's not you they're looking at,

they're looking at the stain

on my wrapper.

Let me see.

Well, I can't see any stain.

You're perfect.

It's because you're foreigner.

Women get bad names

walking with white men.

- Aren't we both foreigners?

- You're a tourist.

It's just a question of visas.

- We're exiles.

- What's the difference?

We speak English.

You pretend to want to go home.

- Call me.

- What for?

Well, I'd like to make

amends for today.

Very kind of you, Mr Field,

but you have nothing we need.

Let's go.

This time I really will beat you.

"Bonking Saracen survives

steaming night with MP's wife. "

We asked you over

for spiritual guidance.

After he swore on the Bible,

no more lies.

"John Stein, Matthew Field's lawyer,

issued the following report:"

"He and Mrs Betridge are friends

of many years standing,"

"and there has never been

any inappropriate familiarity. "

Satan, get behind me.

The man is a degenerate!

He's not a degenerate! He's my friend,

and he catches recombinants!

What is a recombinant?

Do you know the difference

between a lie and the truth?

- Reverend, it's just a game he plays.

- Leave this to me.

God sees how unhappy you have made

your Mamma and your honoured Nanna.

Beg their forgiveness and His.

It's alright.

I absolutely forbid you...

I don't think you should forbid

anyone in my house.

Sammy's right. He looked

quite decent for a white man.

You must agree, that he should

not see this man again.

Of course.

So, you do not have a husband.

You're not divorced?

No, my husband is dead.

I see why your baby's name is

Big Beautiful Eyes.

He has eyes like yours.

Like an Angel's... of God.

Rosa, God has

put up my bridge!

Hello, Sam!

- Are you angry at me too?

- No. Why, should I be?

For goodness sake,

stop looking like an Oxfam poster,

come and have

some ice cream.

You get it?

Bad sign, clog sandals.

Always followed by a father

with a shotgun.

You see?

Why did you tell me

your mother wasn't pretty?

She's not. Nanna says

she's too thin, like dried fish.

How'd you like it if I arrange

to get her round?

She won't come.

Well, might put temptation in her way.

What does she like?

You have to keep

your room tidy.

Oh, as bad as that?

- Wear your uniform!

- All in good time.

She likes gardens,

and she likes me!

- Rosa!

- Ah-a-a! Mamma Sammy!

First church, now my salon,

next it'll be our Dance Committee?

Come in, sit down.

For you Madame Rosa's Special.

Let me see... Hot press,

or sexy bouncing Coco Curls?

Ah, yes, your nails!

Latest colour, Sunrise above Detroit.

Rosa! For God's sake,

the man is a priest!

Man? Did I men... Who ment...

Did you hear me mention any man?

I want you to tie me a head tie

that suits me.

Ah, sh-he whore!

- Experts!

- Francophones.

Is there anything

they cannot do?

Come, I hear white

men when they...

Sugar, my dear, go and buy me

some Coca-Cola!

I hear they chase you

up and down the bed,

turn you over and over

like grilling meat.

And they still conceive?

- Miracle!

- Sure.

It's called foreplay, mamma.

- I've read it in a magazine.

- They can write what they like.

A man, a woman, a wrapper,

that's foreplay.

Impossible!

Tu comptes pas faire des affaires

avec ce machin sur la tete!

I believe you dropped this?

- Mrs da Silva, you design gardens?

- Yes.

Well, my garden... 15 acres

on Cap de Nice needs some...

- What do you really want?

- To make amends.

Chivalry, Justice, Honour?

With a body count...

You've read my books?

No, Sammy reads them.

You don't want to know about

my previous experience?

- I'm sure you can learn on the job.

- Learn on the job?

Mrs de Silva, I'm asking you

to dig up a few flower beds,

not to achieve world peace.

I'm here for three weeks.

We have a deal?

Don't look so worried,

we both have rules.

What rules, Mr Field?

My friends call me Matt,

what should I call you?

My clients call me

Mrs da Silva.

Well, those are the rules.

For now...

- Mr Field is occupied.

- I see.

Hello?

Mamma?

Sugar's boyfriend?

Mamma, I must go.

Mr Field, you need to tell me

what you want.

Oh, the garden?

That's a mess.

Who's Sugar?

Do you sleep at night?

Mr Field, you are interested

in the gardens, aren't you?

- Not particularly.

- So what am I doing here?

Uh, you looked like

you needed some space.

Because I live in

Rue Bonaparte?

No, because you live

with your mother.

Thank you, Saracen.

I don't need rescuing.

If you say so...

I have my family.

A good job.

- Ah, Frederic.

- It's enough.

Well, life isn't about enough,

Mrs da Silva, it's about more.

- More of what?

- More of everything.

And when there is no more?

But there always is more,

Mrs da Silva.

Your garden. It's... Too high maintenance.

Let's keep it simple.

Trim the hedges around my house,

improve my sea view...

I know what's on the table.

You'll be on the morning flight,

you need to work.

I'll be here another week.

- Doing what?

- Gardening.

Saracen is gardening?

Oh, not the boyscout's mother!

I've told you it's nothing

like that, she's...

Her life is an accident

waiting to happen.

- To whom?

- To someone else.

Oh-h, you call me

if you need me.

And don't be too long, Matthew,

There is an offer on the table.

Talk to you soon.

Thank you again

for the ride home.

Have some coffee.

Real men knock a

handle off altogether.

How do you tell a

Saracen story?

I begin at the beginning,

and I know how I want it to end.

- Is that all?

- That's a lot, Sam.

Okay, "Once upon a time

there was a little boy... "

Sam, "Once upon a time",

that's for kids.

Real story starts with a punch!

You know what they say...

Defy authority, destroy property,

you get laid.

- My teacher says...

- Don't listen to him, he's a loser.

What's a loser?

Someone who has to do things

he doesn't want to, at my age.

At any age...

Our re-entry pod.

There you are!

Does it still work?

As soon as I finish my mission,

uh-u-sh!

Oh, Sugar, I can hear you.

She passes water like a man.

Stop and start it,

otherwise after children

you'll never keep your husband.

- Nonsense!

- A muscle control.

Rosa has news for you.

I wanted some privacy.

So people will think

we have something to hide.

The Reverend Fola

has asked about Nimi.

Reverend Fola has

asked Nimi to his house!

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