The Secret Laughter of Women Page #3

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Two months for the second draft,

plus revisions?

Well, I can work here

as well as anywhere!

Hang on, John... Well, come in,

I don't bite. I'll call you back.

I'm so sorry, Mr Field.

He arrived, he played for a while,

and then fell asleep.

You know I can't stop him

from coming here.

Let him sleep.

I'll order dinner.

So, what happened today?

Nothing.

Why?

Well, Sammy arrived very confused.

About many things.

Facts of life for example.

Which facts of life?

Sex!

Is there any of it?

I don't want him to learn about sex

from someone like you.

- Someone like me?

- I've read your books.

Saracen's always banging,

and screwing, and nailing.

That's not sex,

it's carpentry.

You don't know

anything about me.

I know everything about you.

I designed your garden.

Where did you get that?

Sam. Apparently I'm the devil

in this scenario.

I told him not to draw

on my things.

You don't have to get mixed up

in our troubles anymore, Mr Field.

Do you want to build this?

I read somewhere,

that in the garden of Eden

Eve was tempted not by an apple at all,

but by a tomato.

Do you know what my mother would say,

if she saw me now?

Foolish Antelope.

Foolish Antelope... that's me.

Why?

Sometimes you see

a herd of antelopes.

One road for thousands of miles.

And on this road one truck

passes every hundred days.

And in the front of it one dead antelope,

far away from its herd.

Foolish Antelope!

What's it doing there?

It looks for all the

world as though

it's chosen to cross

thousands of miles of savanna

in order to be...

run over by this truck?

- Am I a truck?

- A big one.

And the constipated Reverend?

He's my second chance. Have you

never needed a second chance?

No, I believe in getting it

right first time.

Well, if I had,

I wouldn't have Sammy.

I see.

- Foolish Antelope?

- That's me.

I think I should take you home.

Nimi! Stop tending

somebody else's garden!

The owner will return

and claim her own.

Come and help me

grind some beans.

Sweat into the food

you cook for him.

You know what they say:

"once he tastes your sweat, he's yours"!

Ah, Nene, do not give us

such bad advice!

- Why? Because it's a witchcraft?

- Because it does not work!

Ah, Nene! Lord have mercy!

Are you're making a love potion?

She'll smell like a market.

Take my advice!

Ehh, Rosa, the man is a priest!

# Thank you Jesus,

thank you Jesus,

# Thank you Jesus,

thank you Jesus...

Mamma, they are here!

My mother sent some of her

famous coconut fried fish.

- She wasn't to know.

- In this house we fast on Sundays.

Oh, I'm so sorry!

- Something wrong with your boy?

- No, he is just tired.

Psst! Little son, what do you want

to do when you grow up, uhm?

Be a tax lawyer like me?

I want to be a predator. Matthew

says the predators are winners.

They hunt and kill honestly.

Their brains and balls

keep the world turning.

Lawyers are the scavengers

that feed on our crumbs.

Who is this Matthew?

When are you going to

carry out your mission?

We were at his house all day yesterday.

She ate my fish,

and he'll marry her tomorrow

if you don't proton-disrupt him.

Tomorrow?

- What are you doing?

- We're having a shoot out.

Well, I don't approve

of shooting or guns.

We're playing men who are going

"bang" very loudly at each other.

- Is that alright with you?

- Careful.

Bang!

Welcome to our humble home.

What's happening?

Well, a man must be asked,

so they're borrowing your father.

He's dreamy, Mamma Sammy.

You don't think he

looks constipated?

Lord have mercy! On highest authority,

six times a week.

They're calling you.

This cull of Lord

is broken in friendship

and the hope

of things to come.

I went down the river

and saw a beautiful girl.

I made enquiries all over the city

and found she is the child of this house.

We wish permission for her

to be courted by our house,

for our eldest boy,

a widower.

Our daughter is a widow,

with a son.

"To die in the bush and be eaten

by hyenas:
double misfortune"!

She married early.

As our people say:

"a beautiful girl is like a banana leaf",

"they're picked when

they are ripe enough. "

I thought the proverb was:

"beautiful women are

like banana leaves"

- "there're always plenty more of them!"

- Don't, Mamma!

My daughter is very educated.

And as they say,

"the brain is the best store

house for wealth".

They also say:

"In a woman a handful of luck is better

than a donkey load of learning. "

Women! Be silent!

Taboo!

Why they're talking like that?

- Proverbs! To be polite.

- Doesn't look very polite.

Our people shun the bastard,

because he has no name.

His son Fola is his son,

he bears his name.

He wishes to give it

to your daughter.

We would also like Samuel

to bear your name.

- This, too!

- Fola, how do you feel?

A name is a precious thing.

To give to the child

of a stranger...

I'm also a stranger to you.

Be quiet! Women are

not to be heard here!

He's a good child. Beautiful!

Look at his eyes.

'The dog with big beautiful eyes

may be a good hunter, or a thief!'

How dare you!

I remember when I was his age,

I was always having moods.

But boarding school

cured me of that.

Excuse moi!

S'il vous plait!

Aidez-moi!

He's sleeping.

You can go in.

I think they can't find anything

the matter with him.

The newspaper says

it's his heart.

Well, we can't send him anywhere

until we find his people.

You're not going to die as well,

are you?

No, sorry Sam, I'm alive.

Oh, what's that, a banana?

- No, renegade Sam in his pod.

- So it is.

Matthew, what do you

know about sex?

Well... Men and women are built...

differently.

I know all that

penis-vagina-rabbit business.

I watched a film at Jean-Claude's.

Why do people do it?

Rabbits?

Oh, it's enjoyable.

It didn't look very enjoyable.

She was swearing and complaining.

Probably moaning, Sam,

It's a very important distinction.

- He says everybody does it?

- He's right.

- Everyone?

- Yes.

- Even people I know?

- Absolutely.

- Even people who get married?

- Especially people who get married.

Tough one, I know.

- How are you feeling?

- Never better!

Why do you always say that?

By the way, good news:

we found your wife.

- So, you are married?

- Yes.

- Happily?

- Happily.

I'm formally engaged now.

I know.

- Aren't you going to

congratulate me? - No.

Darling!

You look so well!

Never better!

You look wonderful!

Your hair's different?

I'm parting it on a side.

Yours is wild.

Like the house.

It's a disaster.

We'll never tame these grounds,

we should plant a lawn here.

Severe. Henry Moore,

"Seated on the Bench".

I brought John for

moral support.

I had a horror, I'd been expected

to mop your fever brow.

Already been done.

I'm glad to see you.

Burst of reality

into my confusion.

Oh? And what do you have

to be confused about?

Reality.

- Just that?

- No.

Does ever-ready-eddie

want to come out and play?

Mrs da Silva?

This is Mrs Field.

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