The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Not so fast!

You're driving too fast!

What are you driving so fast for?

You were up to 35.

You know I don't like to go over 30!

You're always doing something else and

having your mind on something else.

- I'm sorry, Mother.

- You haven't heard a word I said.

- Yes, I have.

- What did I say?

You said I was up to 35,

and you didn't like me to go over 30.

Not that. I said we're going

to have it in a church.

- Have what, Mother?

- The wedding!

- Oh.

- See? You weren't listening.

Red light, Walter.

That reminds me.

Bring me home some soap chips.

I like the Sea Drift brand.

They don't make you sneeze.

Go ahead, Walter.

Now don't forget the name: Sea Drift.

Somewhere off the South China coast,

in the worst typhoon in 40 years...

the little schooner, India Queen,

plowed through an ocean gone mad.

Straining pumps went

ta-pocketa, ta-pocketa.

Up on deck, Captain Walter Mitty

stood at the helm...

fighting courageously from keeping

this tortured vessel...

from being smashed to bits.

What are you doing here?

Get below!

Can't I help? You haven't had

your clothes off in three days!

Somebody's gotta get

the India Queen through.

There's half a million dollars

of rare spices aboard this ship!

I promised your father

I'd get it through.

Captain Mitty, you're hurt!

It's nothing!

Just a broken arm!

Walter! Watch out!

I'm sorry.

Did you write down all the things

I told you to write down?

- I'll remember them.

- Oh, no, you won't.

You just make a note of it

in your little black book.

Number two thread.

- Snapdragon seeds.

- Wait a minute.

Sock stretchers,

can of Gleamo Floor Wax...

- Gleamo what?

- Gleamo Floor Wax.

Fly spray.

- What's that "SS"?

- Sock stretchers.

- Well, write it out.

- All right.

And cheese grater.

And don't forget to return

this sprinkling can.

I tried it out this morning,

and the holes are too small.

Tell them I have better things to do

than wait for the water to come out.

Bye, darling.

Careful, sweet.

Don't forget the cake!

- What?

- The cake!

Back in the car, please.

Keep that thing in, bud!

"Pierce Publishing Company"

Excuse me.

- Morning.

- Good morning.

Here are those drawings you wanted.

Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, that's pretty, Mr. Grimsby.

Yeah, it's a bit mild.

I think I ought to tear the dress

off her other shoulder.

You could use a little more blood

on the ax.

Well, good morning, everybody.

You think I'd forgotten you?

Here we are.

Now stop, Elmer.

You've had enough already.

Come on. There.

Hey, dream boy.

- The old man's screaming for you.

- Oh! The conference.

Let's see. "Spicy Sea Stories."

Here we are.

"Air Aces."

Hold it!

Raise your hands just a little.

Still!

- Hello, Fred.

- How's it going, Walter?

Fine.

Gentlemen, it will be

the regular practice of the firm till...

Well, Mitty.

So you finally chose to honor us

with your presence.

- Yes, sir.

- Where are the proofs to "Air Aces"?

- Right here, Mr. Pierce. Ready to go.

- Put it to bed.

- Mitty!

- Yes, sir?

What is the meaning of this?

Meaning of what, Mr. Pierce?

You had the vampire killed off...

of the first installment

of "The Lady And The Vampire."

There are 33 issues to go.

- But he isn't really dead.

- What do you mean he isn't dead?

The villagers drove a stake

through his heart!

Anybody knows that kills a vampire!

Yes, but if you read further on you'll

find the stake only went through a lung.

You don't have to worry. He'll be back

sucking blood in the next issue.

Well, sit down.

If you'd been here on time

you'd know why I called this meeting.

To repeat, ladies and gentlemen:

Ours is a great and proud list

of magazines.

"Racy Detective Stories,

"Astounding Adventure Tales"...

"Wild Confessions,

"Air Aces."

- "Frontier Stories"...

- "Exotic Love Stories."

- And "Sensational Murders."

- And "Sen..."

Mitty, when I need your help

I'll ask for it.

But a new and virgin field of fiction

has come to my attention.

A rich and as yet untapped vein...

embracing thousands

of undiscovered readers.

Starting the first of next month

we go to press with a new baby.

"Hospital Love Stories."

- Congratulations! You've done it again!

- Thank you, gentlemen.

- Well, what do you think?

- Oh! I've always liked it, Mr. Pierce.

Don't you remember? I suggested the idea

in a memorandum last month.

Oh, that!

I had this idea two years ago.

Now, the type of stories we need...

You may take notes, gentlemen.

Now, let me see.

"Hospital Love Stories."

What have we got to sell?

Beautiful blonde nurses.

We can't have too many nurses.

Capture the glamour of the hospital.

You get the idea?

With the compassionate look of a man

who had seen much too much pain...

Dr. Walter Mitty,

the surgical genius...

entered the breathless hush

of the operating room...

the sound of the huge

anesthetizing machine...

going ta-pocketa, ta-pocketa.

There were whispered introductions.

I'm glad you came.

Dr. Remington. Dr. Renshaw.

Dr. Pritchard-Midford,

St. John's Hospital, London.

- Dr. Walter Mitty.

- Gentlemen.

The new anesthetizer's giving way.

There's no one in the East

who knows how to fix it.

Quiet, man.

Give me your fountain pen.

- That will hold for ten minutes.

- Astounding!

He's not only the greatest surgeon

in the world...

he's also a mechanical genius.

You'd better get on

with the operation.

Good heavens!

- What is it?

- Coreopsis has set in.

Poor devil!

Would you take over, Mitty?

If you wish.

It's hopeless.

There's only one chance, gentlemen.

The Vienna Trepan.

The operation Heinzelman

performed on a rabbit?

Precisely.

Blood pressure, please.

Thirty over two hundred.

Scalpel.

Sock stretcher.

Sprinkling can.

Cheese grater.

Floor wax.

Needle and number two threads.

There you are.

Oh, Doctor, do you think...

- Will he...

- There, there, Miss Cartwright.

Your brother will play the violin again.

I just grafted new fingers on him.

Oh, you're wonderful!

Wonderful!

You'll want some rest now.

Wonderful.

Mitty! I asked you a question.

I expect an answer!

What's that?

I was just thinking, sir.

We might possibly put out

a pocket-size edition.

- Pocket-size edition?

- Yes, sir.

- For pockets.

- You weren't thinking at all!

- You were daydreaming again!

- Oh, no, sir! I was really thinking.

I was thinking about hospitals

for hospital stories.

I finished talking about hospitals

ten minutes ago!

The subject, for your information,

is the next issue of "Racy Detective."

Pocket-size edition.

Not a bad idea.

- Hello.

- Hello, Mother.

- You forgot to bring the cake.

- What cake?

Gertrude and her mother

are coming to dinner.

I asked you to bring home a cake.

What's that thing?

I thought you said "rake."

You're getting more absent-minded

every day.

It's all that daydreaming you do.

I brought everything else:

The number two thread...

the Gleamo wax, the sock stretchers.

- Did you bring the snapdragon seeds?

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