The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Page #2

- No. They didn't have any.

The man said petunias

were just as pretty.

Don't you ever forget.

When I say snapdragon seeds...

I mean snapdragon seeds.

Yes, Mother.

Just leave everything in the hall.

I'll take care of it.

Hurry and get cleaned up.

They'll be here any minute.

All right, Mother.

- Is there any mail for me?

- No.

- Who are you expecting a letter from?

- Nobody.

I just thought there might be some mail.

Don't use the guest towels.

I just put them up.

Use the one on your door.

All right, Mother.

And put on that clean shirt

I hung up for you.

And use some of the cologne

Gertrude gave you for Christmas.

Do I have to?

It smells like ether.

Don't be silly.

It's lovely...

and the least you can do

for your fiancee.

Oh, all right.

Oh, gosh!

- Irmagarde!

- Eunice, how are you?

Come in, dear...

and Gertrude.

My, what a sweet hat!

And, Gertrude, you look

too cute for words.

I hope you don't mind my bringing

Queenie, Mrs. Mitty.

She doesn't like to be alone.

Do you, Queenie,

in that great, big empty house?

Not at all, dear.

Walter, there's someone down here

to see you, dear.

- Hello, Mrs. Griswold.

- Dear Walter.

- Hello, Gertrude.

- Come along, Irmagarde.

What's that awful smell?

It's that cologne you gave me

for Christmas.

It's lovely, isn't it?

Queenie, say hello

to your future daddy...

"Walty Mittens."

Don't stand there like a stick.

Wave back.

Hello, Queenie.

Naughty Queenie!

There you are, Queenie.

Mommy's precious.

- Have you talked to your boss yet?

- No, I haven't.

I certainly think you should talk

to him and get two or three months off.

- Two or three months!

- Frankly I don't approve of honeymoons.

All that packing!

Walter's always head his heart set

on seeing Yellowstone Park.

- Why?

- Why?

I don't know. I just thought

I'd like to see Yellowstone Park.

Do they let dogs in there?

Honey, you weren't thinking

of taking Queenie along?

- I was only asking!

- I wouldn't dream of leaving Queenie!

Queenie and Walter don't trust each

other. That's why they don't get along.

She always starts!

You see?

Queenie, you old crosspatch.

I don't think she's feeling well.

Why don't you try that new

vitamin puppy biscuit?

Walter would be happy

to pick some up for you.

That would be wonderful.

- Make a note of that, dear.

- Yes, Mother.

Walter, you haven't touched

your nice milk toast.

- I'm not hungry.

- You know the doctor said...

it would be good

for your nervous stomach.

That's why the Air Corps

turned him down.

It must be cold in here.

Queenie's shivering.

Yes, Mother. I know.

The furnace.

Excuse me.

Walter's a very lucky boy.

Tubby Wadsworth has proposed

a half a dozen times.

He's still doing it!

The Spitfire dived through the clouds,

its machine guns belching lead.

Oblivious to the ominous ta-pocketa,

ta-pocketa of his failing engines...

Wing Commander Walter Mitty, the most

feared man in R.A.F. Desert patrol...

clung to the tail

of the Messerschmitt.

Himmel's villain.

It's Walter Mitty.

I am a lost man.

Mitty's jaw was a grim,

straight line...

as he gave the Jerry

three more lethal bursts...

and watched him go down in flames.

As I go rolling home

I'm as happy as a king, believe me

I say, fellas!

There's Group Captain Mitty.

He made it!

Mitty, how many this time, old boy?

- Hello, sir.

- Good show, Mitty.

- Oh, thank you, sir.

- That makes 73, doesn't it?

No, 71 actually.

2 were only probables, you know.

Oh. Spot of brandy?

Oh, yes. Thank you, sir.

I say, old chap.

You're wounded.

It's nothing, sir. Merely a scratch.

Set the bone myself.

Priceless fellow.

- I wish we had more like you.

- Thank you, sir.

- Anything troubling you, sir?

- Young Raleigh.

Got a case of nerves. I promise

the general we'd get that tank dump.

Oh, bad luck, sir.

- Is it vital?

- Vital?

Our whole desert campaign

depends upon it.

Oh, I see.

Put young Raleigh to bed, sir.

- What do you mean?

- I'll fly his mission.

You? You haven't closed your eyes

in three days.

I know, sir, but we only live once.

Or do we?

- Shall we have a go at it?

- Cheerio.

- Mitty looks a bit done in, fellows.

- Yes, he does.

Got the courage of a lion, though.

Never gives up.

He's a delightful fellow.

I studied music with him

at the Academy.

I shall never forget his impersonation

of old Professor Gruenwald.

- Do you remember?

- Rather.

Almost drove the old professor barmy.

- I wish he'd do it now.

- So do I.

Go ahead, Mitty.

I'd rather enjoy a laugh myself.

All right, sir.

Say, let me have your coat, old boy.

There you are!

He's doing it now.

All right! Everybody scatter away

to the chairs here!

Come on, everybody!

Everybody sit down.

Children, what makes music music?

Music! "Und" why?

When to the symphony you go

and they're playing fast but slow

Do you hear the pizzicato's sweet hello

when you go

Or the flugelhorns up high

Or the fiddles when they cry

No, und why

Because you don't go

You see, children.

A symphony is not only music.

It tells a story which has

a beginning, middle und an end.

Except of course,

the "Unfinished Symphony"...

which has a beginning...

We will now take up the instruments.

There is the trombone

Und the tuba

Und the oboe

Und the saxophone, sousaphone

zither and xylophone

Clarinet, bugle horn

fiddle and flugelhorn

Tenor kazoo and the timpani too

They are all very busy,

except the cymbal.

He stands in the corner

and looks around in disgust.

This brings us to Symphony Number 45.

Which was written by

the great Czechoslovakian composer...

Andre Griminick...

the Second.

This work was composed under

a slight disadvantage.

He had no talent.

The conductor lifts his baton,

und we start.

This is just mood music.

Now comes the first movement:

Presto vivace argumento molto...

cantabile molto chocolate molto.

Und we have the first theme which is

naturally played on the first fiddle.

This represents a young girl which is

living with her wicked guardian...

who is a French horn.

Now this young girl...

who is a beautiful girl...

und her wicked guardian...

live all alone on a farm.

And all she has for company

are a hen...

und a dog...

und a nanny goat.

At this point in the symphony,

along comes a handsome young trumpet.

Und when he clasps his eyes

on this young girl...

his heart goes...

This is Czechoslovakian for thumping.

Und he gets so excited

that he has a solo passage.

Which brings us to the second movement

where the fiddle is happy.

Und the trumpet is happy.

When suddenly, out stalks

the French horn.

The little fiddle is so "putrefied,"

her bridge falls out.

Und the trumpet says...

But the French horn

is very objectionable to this.

Und the trumpet blows his top.

Shut up!

Now I know who you are!

You are not a French horn at all!

That:

Had me fooled for a while.

But a:

Gave you away.

You are a German glockenspiel

in disguise, beyond a doubt...

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