The Security Men Page #2

I think he were quite taken

with her.

He said he'd never met a woman

over 60 with piercings.

Fair play to her.

Whoa, hold on.

Typical bloody hoodie.

Spit it out. Doesn't matter

who has to clear it up.

Look at that mammy washer.

We're cutting it fine.

We'll miss it if we're not careful.

Now...

..little tip I've picked up

along the way.

From the Army?

Kim and Aggie.

I've put them on Series Link.

For Mother.

Isn't it time for your break now,

Kenneth?

In one minute, 40 seconds, yes.

There we are, Ray. Target eliminated.

You have to take a strong line

on these things.

Absolutely.

I'd never seen a woman's knockers

until I came to this country.

And then it was Helen Mirren's.

Both of them, left and right.

Yeah. Bob Hoskins was munching on

them as I remember. Lucky bugger.

That's Linda doing the conga.

On her own?

Oh, yeah.

Everyone on the ship knew her name.

Most nights we didn't even make it

back to the cabin.

Used to sleep in the gift shop.

I think they thought, 'That's

a couple that likes to have fun.'

Yeah.

That's a waxing rash, that is.

Oh.

Ah, Kenneth.

Isn't it time for your break,

Kenneth?

Zero hundred hours precisely.

I'll be out the back if you need me.

Enjoy your break, Kenneth.

Ssh!

Right, let's get cracking.

You, on the main alarm system.

You, Duckers, get the keys.

I'll put this on auto.

Done.

Got 'em.

Let's do this.

..three... four... five...

Get a move on, will yer?

Jesus, Duckers,

you've brought the wrong keys.

Yes!

Yes.

We're in.

Kenneth.

Kenneth.

K-E-N-N-E-T-H.

It's Kenneth, Mother.

I tell you what, lads.

This'll last 15 minutes tops.

Kenneth will still be on the phone

to his mum.

It's the white tablets.

The white ones.

White.

That's it.

They're on your bedside table.

That's right. By the bed.

In the saucer. White.

Why would I be trying

to poison you, Mother?

You what?

Well, don't lie on the damp patch.

Ray... can I ask you a question?

And-and-and tell the truth now,

shame the devil.

Would you wash your mammy?

My mother's dead.

You were at the funeral, Jimmy.

Well, let's pretend she's not dead.

Let's say she's lying there,

lightly soiled.

Would you wash her then, Ray,

would you?

Say it was with a flannel?

I don't think Kenneth's

got a mother.

I think he's doing a Norman Bates

and he just dresses up like her.

This is the fight

we've been waiting for.

The big fight and a real test,

this one, for Amir Khan.

The place, you can see,

the MEN arena, absolutely packed out.

20,000 fans here, most of them

supporting Amir Khan.

Right. Sweepstake.

Closest round, tenner each.

I say it ends in five.

Give me round seven.

Five? Seven? Get a life.

Give me round two.

Amir Khan.

It's absolutely...

Amir!

I know you're here.

Come on, Khan, come on!

A good right hand from Khan.

Go on, smack him one!

Come on, Khan, come on.

Khan right on top

here in the second.

..and putting together some lovely

flourishes... Bite him!

This is turning...

- Starting to pile on the pressure.

- That's a great shot.

What a prat! What a prat!

It's one-way traffic

once again.

Khan piling on the pressure.

And that's five rounds gone.

One more round. Just one more!

- And he's been caught.

- And that's the first time...

Yeah-ha-ha!

He's not having it all his own way.

There's going to be some thinking

going on in that Khan corner.

He's got a little bit of a problem.

Right, lads, let's...

Come on, Khan! 'Great right hand

and Khan felt the weight of that.'

'Khan's going to have to really

dig deep and he's doing that.'

Don't let him off the hook, Khan!

Oh, bollocks.

Don't let him off the hook!

'And he produced

a grandstand finish...'

It's a sad day when an officer

can't rely on his men

when his back is turned.

It wasn't my idea. I just went

along with it. A very sad day.

Sorry, Kenneth. We just wanted to

watch Amir Khan. Bite him!

Come on, Khan, come on!

He's knocking the shite out of him,

Kenneth.

Come on, come on!

What round is it? It's the last

round. It's nearly over.

He's got him, he's got him.

Come on! Use your left!

Cracking fight, that.

Cheers, Kenneth.

Thanks, Kenneth.

Yeah, thanks, Kenneth.

Well, you have to know when to bend

the rules sometimes.

I used to do a bit of boxing myself

as a young man. Yeah?

Were you a biter, Kenneth?

I were a biter.

No, jab man.

Keep 'em back with a jab.

Now then, we'd better get

those alarms back on.

Hey, I didn't hear that!

You didn't set the alarm

properly down there, you clown.

I did. I definitely did.

Hang on a minute, that's not

Electrical Land. That's Denbys.

Denbys High Class Jewellery

and Precision Watches.

Rewind the tape.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

The robbing whores.

Why did we leave our posts?

Jimmy, go down there

and check it out.

Twenty-five years unblemished service

up in smoke.

Come on, Kenneth,

this wasn't down to you.

Yes, I suppose we're partly

to blame, too. In a way.

I'm just glad my mother's senile.

We'd never have caught them.

There's two of them.

There's only four of us.

'I'm down here now.'

What can you see, Jim?

'I'm just going inside.

Over. Roger.

I'm in the shop now.'

And?

'There's been a robbery.'

Bloody hell, Jim!

What have they taken?

'Every fecking thing

by the looks of it.'

OK, come back up here and we'll work

out what to do next.

'Copy that.

Wait. What's this?

There's a lovely looking watch

they've dropped on the floor.

It's a... rol... dex.'

Don't even think about it, Jimmy.

We can draw straws for that later.

We certainly will not.

Well, there's nothing else for it.

I shall have to send Mr Lomas a memo

tendering my immediate resignation.

No, there's got to be a way

out of this, Kenneth.

Yes, with all due respect,

with the best will in the world,

it's no good YOU just resigning.

We're all in this sh*t.

And where are we gonna find another

job that's mainly sleeping?

The only way out of this

is for me to fall on my sword.

Look, let's think about this

logically.

What we need is a reason

why we never tried to stop 'em.

Because we were watching the boxing.

We know that.

Hey, why don't we blindfold

ourselves and tie ourselves up?

Grow up.

They've cleaned the place out.

There's nothing left there.

What time is it now?

Put that back.

Yeah, put that back.

I'm just minding it until the

police get here. Keeping it safe.

Why don't we wipe the video tape and

they'll never know what happened.

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

Oh, that's convenient, isn't it?

The one night there's a robbery the

cameras are mysteriously not working.

Come on, let's all have

a good think.

We won't let Kenneth take the blame.

We're a team.

Yeah, but if he wants to -

Think.

Jimmy?

Well, I was waiting for you lot

to come up with something.

I was just gonna agree.

Duckers?

No, nothing, nothing.

Look, the robbery's happened,

it's a fact.

There's no getting away from it,

there's no denying it.

Honesty is the best policy, that's

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