The Sex Addict

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- Hey Rex! -It's me, your

buddy, Horatio Sanz.

This is Ken Davitian,

your... brothel buddy.

- It's Bryan Callen.

- I heard what happened.

- I heard about your accident.

- I'm sorry it happened.

I've been working

on making amends.

- And it's bumming me out, man.

- I don't know what to say.

Go f*** yourself,

you piece of sh*t prick.

I hope you die

and I hope you die slowly,

preferably of a horrible

disease in your face.

What doesn't kill you,

makes you harder.

All right?

High-five that.

But better it happened

to you than me.

Because you, f*** face,

piece of sh*t prick

that you are...

- I love you.

- You f***ed my girl.

Then I hope you get help.

I actually stopped going

to the therapist.

And you know what?

I am having a ball.

I have unleashed the beast.

I was taking a pee

and it started to burn

what I did have was gonorrhea.

I met somebody

in San Bernardino.

Anal's only $200.

So, how can you beat that?

And guess who gave

it to my girlfriend?

You did,

you piece of c*nt f*** sh*t.

When you get out of this

and you get better,

we're gonna take our tour,

Tijuana down to Portland.

Now, while we're broken up,

I'm moving out of this house...

And I'm gonna get you back some day.

F*** you.

What? I'm coming, I'm coming.

No, I'm not "coming",

I'm coming.

I'm going.

Another high-five.

All right, buddy,

take care of yourself.

Hi, I'm Suzanna Murphy

and this is my dissertation

on sexual addiction.

- We own you, we own you.

- Turn around.

- Shut up.

Shut up.

I'm studying to become

a sex therapist.

I'm studying sex psychology

and the focus

of this dissertation

is to objectively document

a sufferer of sexual addiction

for the next ten days.

In order to do so, we sent out

an ad via Craigslist,

received hundreds of applicants.

There was a $3,000 incentive

for the subject to participate

in this dissertation

and we have gone through a few follow-up

phone calls, some questionnaires.

I think we finally

have chosen our subject.

So, we're gonna go down

the street to the coffee shop,

meet with them, I'm gonna

bring my cameraman along

just in case, as a precaution...

It is somebody

with sex addiction,

we wanna make sure

we're careful.

I also... more precautions...

Have my rape whistle.

Haven't had to use it yet,

so fingers crossed.

Also I made sure I didn't, um,

ladyscape underneath

the armpits,

didn't shave for

a couple of weeks as well,

make it unrapey down there.

Also, I can fake a lazy eye

that I found out

at a party one time in college,

to make myself more unattractive

to potential predators.

So, we're gonna go down there

now, meet with our subject

and get started, so, here we go.

Okay, so here we are

on Suzanna Murphy's dissertation

on sex addiction.

Right now, we're gonna go

meet my cameraman,

and it looks like

he's right over here.

- Hello! Good, how are you?

- Hey, how are you doing?

- You got the camera going, huh?

- Yeah. Can you do me a favor?

- Just introduce yourself before us here.

- Sure, sure.

- My name is Roger,

I'm gonna be your camera guy...

- That was weird.

- I guess someone's beeping, huh?

- Okay, I'm gonna give this over to you.

- All right.

Perfect.

All right, you ready?

Yeah, we're meeting him in here?

Yeah.

Um, we're gonna go meet Rex.

He's our subject

for the dissertation.

I've only been taking

to him via e-mail so...

So it's almost like

a weird blind date.

- Um, thanks again for being here.

- No problem.

Okay... um...

Why don't you post up

right over here?

I think that'll be good.

Jeez.

Okay...

How you looking, okay?

Yeah?

- Suzanna?

- Hey... Rex?

- Yes. I'm Rex.

- Nice to meet you.

Good to meet you.

- I guess we'll get started.

- Okay.

As you know,

this is a dissertation

for my PHD for sex addiction,

and I really...

I just really want you to feel

like you are in a safe place.

You can be open and honest

with your answers.

It's really important,

'cause you know, the more honest

the better we're gonna be

throughout

this whole process, so...

Um, great.

I'm gonna get started

and just ask you

a couple of questions...

- Okay.

- If that's okay.

Can you tell me, around...

What the age was that

you first lost

your virginity and what that

experience was like for you.

It wa...

How old are you

in middle school?

- I'm sorry?

- Middle school?

About what age is that?

13, 14?

- Ish I believe, yeah.

- Yeah, let's go with that.

Um, locker room, classic,

you know, kinda story...

Walk in and... bam!

It happened.

I'm sorry, what happened?

Bam! It happened.

How did...

You can't just...

You're telling me that you

walked into a locker room

- and you just...

- And things happened.

- And you just...

- Yeah.

There was no love involved.

- You... -I was hoping

there'd be love involved.

- There was no affection.

- Okay.

- The coach was there, the students,

the teachers. -That sounds...

- Wow, that's...

- The whole team.

- Everyone was there.

- That sounds horrifying.

It was horrifying.

- Are you okay? Are you okay to

move forward with this? -I'm good.

- Yes.

- Okay.

Who was your first

sexual partner?

- Um, her name was Rebecca.

- Okay.

And she... wow!

It was like riding

a roller coaster.

- Oh.

- Hey! You f***ing ape.

I told you never to f***ing

speak about her.

- I'm sorry, sir, can you...

- She asked me the question.

- Who are you? -You were never

supposed to speak about Rebecca.

- I know.

- We talked about that.

- I know.

- We don't bring her up.

I know. I...

She asked the question.

I'm trying to answer it.

- Oh, okay. -Do you understand

what I'm trying to do?

Don't speak her name.

- I know.

- Hey, guys!

- All right, this is... I'm just..

- Hey, guys!

I'm working on my PHD, right?

Like, I'm not...

This is my first rodeo.

What's going on?

Clearly you are not Rex. Rex!

I don't listen to country music and

I don't know how to get to a rodeo.

- I got the answers.

- Just go, just get out.

- You f***ed up. You don't have the answers.

- Please, leave.

- I got better things to do.

- The jig is up, good-bye.

- I don't need to be here. -We spent

two hours last night and you're done.

- I'm going home.

- You give shitty answers.

- Eh!

- Get out of here, Disney.

Hi, Rex.

We haven't been formally

introduced yet.

Why do you have a camera?

Why do you?

I could ask you the same.

- It's part of my dissertation.

- Little Ralph Macchio over here,

27 years ago before he broke

his ankle at the tournament.

No one cares who that is

and no one knows who that is.

Well, maybe you don't

because you're not American.

I'm Suzanna.

Nice to meet you.

Formal greetings. Is this the

hand you touch yourself with?

Excuse me, what...

God, what are you doing?

Jesus.

Hey, can you keep it

down over there?

I'm trying

to write my screenplay.

No one cares about

your screenplay.

Do me a favor

and take off your hood

and your glasses, please.

You're telling me

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