The Sex Addict Page #2

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how to dress now?

I'm asking you to be somewhat

professional for this.

The unabomber look

doesn't do it for you?

Would you walk into

a interview like that?

- Don't answer that.

- Whatever.

Thank you.

Can we get started?

Yeah, we can get started by

putting the money on the wood

because I'm not gonna have

Ralph Macchio over here

f***ing film me for free.

That's not the deal.

Huh, cobra Kai?

You still have nightmares

from that night, don't ya?

Oh, my god.

You get this now.

It's a quarter.

You will get the rest upon completion of

the dissertation, is that understood?

It is understood. Can you

now move your enlarged hand?

My hand is not enlarged.

- Yeah, it is.

- No, it's not.

You could grip

a f***ing basketball.

Okay, that's not true,

and not to mention,

it's been really hot out, and

when it's hot your fingers swell.

It's not my fault.

- I want U.S. dollars. I don't...

- You're getting U.S. dollars.

I don't accept Saddam dollars.

What does that even mean?

That's not a thing.

Okay, I don't know

how you are a PHD candidate.

Okay, you know what?

Are we gonna be adults?

- Are we gonna be professional adults?

- I'm trying to be. I'm trying.

You are not trying to do anything

right now other than annoy me.

I really am. No...

Can you do me a favor

and please state your name

and your addiction

into the camera?

Rex... look, I know that you're

under a lot of emotional stress

right now and this is difficult for you,

but you're gonna have to get through it.

If we're gonna make it out of

this ten days alive,

you're gonna need to start.

Do this now.

We will continue tomorrow.

- I'm Rex. I'm a sex addict.

- Oh, my god.

And I will fulfill

Suzanna Murphy's destiny.

Call me tomorrow

when you can be an adult.

God, I hate you.

See you at 1:
00.

All right, guys, so, you know,

I'm kinda particular

about my space,

so, just be mindful

of the environment.

I like... I kinda like my things

set as they are...

Okay, we won't touch anything.

How can I see...

How do I really... you know,

you know,

this small little place,

this is my Jergens right there.

Gotta have some Jergens.

- I think I use the same one.

- It's fun, it's fun.

- A bong, guy, right there.

- Please, do not smoke anything.

Do you need one?

I feel like she needs one.

- I think nobody needs any of

the pot right not. -Well.

- I'm digitizing my f***ing porn.

- Okay.

- This is little Jabari's fun

little toy right here. -Great.

So, this is little Jabari.

He keeps the house

nice and neat while I'm gone

and I much prefer him

to my old Weiner dog, Stevie.

Don't you, Jabari?

Don't you?

I'm actually really thirsty.

Okay, yeah, help yourself.

- If you want anything, guy,

- okay.

- Then grab something.

- Guy?

- Okay.

- That's fine, So...

So, why did you decide

to do a...

You know, a dissertation

on sex addiction,

the recidivism rate?

Just what I wanted to do.

It's gotta be some basis,

some curiosity...

I don't think we need

to talk about me.

- This is about you, Rex.

- Was mom running around town?

Is that what mother was doing?

- What was the mother reference about?

- Papa?

- Where's papa?

- No one calls them that.

It's hot in here.

Getting tired.

Why don't you

come sit over here?

Like,

God. Ow.

Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, come...

I got you. I got you.

Suzanna, I'm gonna

go to the bathroom

- before we do this.

- That's a good idea.

Good timing, guy.

The juice

would wake me up, but...

- The juice?

- The sugar.

Mmm, I don't rec...

Oh.

The juice.

So, this is my drink.

It's called seduce juice.

I've been trying to patent it

for the last year and a half.

They are giving me difficulties

saying it's pretty much

a mix of nyquil and Kool-aid.

It's not 100% accurate, though.

I think I'd love to take

this to "shark tank."

Mark Cuban, I think

this is exactly for you,

probably wouldn't sell in the

U.S. territories at this point

somewhere more where they

encourage rape,

like, I don't know,

Pakistan or NCAA sports.

Okay, you're gonna go to sleep

for a while now, okay?

Just go to sleep...

Yes, yes...

Look at this foot...

You gotta a pivot foot like

Vlade Divac in his prime.

I kinda like it.

Picking you

for my center position...

In rec basketball.

You know, the sock is never

really fully appreciated.

It's like the underwear

for the foot.

I'm back.

That was quicker

than I anticipated.

Yeah.

Mmm... what she was

saying before you left...

Um, she was telling me

to relay a message

tell guy to go ahead

and move on without me.

I'm gonna kinda hang out here.

Why is she asleep?

She's tired,

she's had a long day.

Why are you taking

off her shoes?

So she'll be comfortable.

I mean, I don't like...

Do you like sleeping

in your shoes?

- No.

- Okay, makes sense.

So go ahead. You can let

yourself out right now.

- And...

- -I don't know if that's a good idea.

Oh, I think it's a great idea.

Um, Suzanna?

- What, dude?

- -Suzanna, can you hear me?

Hey, quiet down

a little bit, okay?

What do you need?

What's your angle?

What's your angle?

I mean, do you need

to participate?

Do you wanna... do you wanna

shoot this sh*t?

What do you want?

I'm usually my own camera guy.

I kinda set up my own tripod.

That's kinda my thing.

But, um, you know,

if you wanna put a camera on me

to get this transaction rolling

I can work with it,

I'm not gonna make you

any promises, okay?

But if that's what you need...

Let me know.

I am so...

How long was I asleep for?

For like an hour.

What?

Why are my feet so slippery?

Somebody put lotion on my feet?

You left me on the couch with...

With this sex addict?

You can't just leave me alone

in his lair.

Did you not see the things

that are around?

There's an axe on the table.

- I don't care...

- Hey!

Hey, I made omelets,

do you guys want omelets?

- No, we're fine, thank you.

- You don't want omelets?

I'm really super full...

From the juice.

- Okay, you want any more?

- No.

Hi, I'm Mary Carey,

former adult film star

and politician.

When I was 12,

I was jacking off to you.

I don't know if that's possible.

- Um, I would've voted for you...

- How old are you?

Umm, I mean, how old do I look?

Hmmm, I'm gonna go with 47.

I have a Benjamin button

thing going.

- 47 -do you think porn

desensitizes men?

Um, I do think porn

desensitizes men,

based off guys I've dated.

So you do...

You, being a former porn star,

you do take responsibility

for me having to...

Jack off to a Daniel Pearl

beheading video just to get off?

Um, I mean, well,

I don't think it's my fault,

- but...

- Apology accepted.

- Okay.

- I appreciate that.

- Hey.

- Hey, guys, how's it going?

Oh, man, good.

So this is it, huh?

It's where the magic happens.

This is my office and

I thought it'd be a good idea

to see me with human resources over here.

Don't mind her.

- Hi, I'm Suzanna.

- No, that's fine.

Don't make her feel

like a full human being.

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