The Sex Addict Page #3

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That's terrible, Rex.

- Here we are, man.

- Yeah, welcome, welcome.

I'm so excited.

We get to see what you do.

- Yeah.

- What... is it you do, exactly?

What we do here, we sell

dreams, we sell aspirations

and treasure chests

full of love.

- Okay.

- And what that means is,

do you hate people

that abuse puppies?

- Yes.

- Great. Give us $30 a month.

We will work to eradicate

puppy abusers.

It's... it's a... we're a

non-profit organization.

What else do we do?

We... let's see...

What are you...

You into...

Um, "faces of death"?

You know those great DVDs,

"faces of death"?

They were for children,

I believe?

What? A children's DVD

called "faces of death"?

They're called "faces of death"

and you play them for children,

and you educate them

about how life happens,

and what happens if you take

the wrong turn, you might die.

Well, I'm working on...

With one of our investors

a series called

"faces of meth."

Much scarier.

We are looking at increasing

breeding of parakeets.

What do we have in this country?

- We've got too much violence.

- Yep.

- We have too much crime.

- Yeah.

We have too much seacrest.

I'll tell you that

much, my friend.

Yeah, he's been

all over the place.

But what do we not have

enough of?

- Parakeets.

- Exactly, my friend.

Do you wanna get some

of this on him, maybe?

Hey, guy... you...

You go ahead, come over here.

I gotta show you something.

Check that out.

- Oh, what is it?

- It's just a document...

Oh, is it parakeets mating?

No, it's something else mating.

- Oh.

- Right?

Okay, maybe we should

keep it a little...

Yeah, yeah, that's what

it's all about right there.

Hey, boss!

What's going on in here?

So, Guv'nor, good job on

this recruit report, huh?

- Way to sell that!

- Boss, what's up? Black power?

- Rex, how are you doing?

- Hi, I'm Suzanna.

- Who the hell are you?

- So nice to meet you.

I'm here to do my dissertation.

Wait... wait,

what's all this about?

Rex said that

you gave us permission

to be able

to come and film today.

Oh, to film.

Yeah, no. No.

Am I a valued member

of this company?

No. Honestly, no.

Just do your job. Get the

extra people out of here.

- It's a fire hazard, it's a work hazard.

- Sir, really?

If you wanna go back

to the homeland, keep it up.

I'll send your ass

back there. Work.

The homeland? Where does

he think you're from?

That had racial overtones,

did it not?

Yeah, it was a little weird...

Let's celebrate diversity,

why are we picking

on each other here?

Except for her. Socialism,

let's work to eliminate that.

Hey, Diego,

you're done with her?

- Yeah, I'm done. -Okay, cool.

So what I need from you, sir,

I need you to to get me

a partition right here.

So that I no longer

see her face.

- Okay, any color?

- That's maintenance.

Diego, you don't need to worry

about that, darling.

Well, go ahead and give

maintenance a call for me.

I appreciate that.

Thank you.

- He seems like a good guy.

- He is a good guy.

Her, not so much.

Okay, all right,

do we have written...

Authorization to be here?

Because I don't think

I have any, anywhere.

We have the verbal authorization

and you know what,

in this country,

the court of law, the verbal is just as

good. You can make verbal contracts.

I'm not really fussed about this

country and its verbal crap.

Okay, I need you to get out now.

Can we just stop the

socialist accent for a second?

I just need you to get out.

Yeah, well, I'll see you guys

back at the apartment. I'm sorry.

- Off you go.

- -You see what I'm dealing with here.

It's open.

- Hey. Is Rex home?

- Hello.

No, he's on his way

home from work.

You look really familiar.

Do I know you?

No.

Aren't you the kid that tried to

tell me you were Rex the other day?

Is that where I know you from?

It was so long ago.

I couldn't even remember.

It was yesterday.

Anyways, he'll be home

any moment.

Okay, um...

Well, do you have a second?

I can talk to you.

Okay.

- Are you getting this?

- Yeah.

What are you working on?

Oh, this... all these tapes,

this is Rex's sex box...

- Oh.

- With tapes.

Um, these are all the women

he's filmed having sex with.

I'm just going through,

I'm labeling them.

- They're all on VHS? -Yeah.

He's not really up to date.

He's not the smartest

or the brightest.

So my job, I'm taking everything

off VHS, running through it,

checking it over and I'm putting

it digitally on a hard drive.

And then I'm labeling it.

See this one?

"Squirting cum fart."

That's a completely

different category

then just "squirting"

and "cum fart."

It's "squirting cum fart"

all in one.

One hard drive.

- See where I'm going?

- Yeah.

- A lot of organization going on.

- Sure.

Could you print up

a label for me?

Yeah, what is this one

gonna say?

"Dick knocker."

- That's d-i-c...

- I know how to spell it.

So I've been interning

for him for I think...

Is it one word or two?

- One word. Yeah.

- Okay.

- You're in school right now.

- I am, I am. I'm a junior.

Oh, so you're how old?

Um, we don't need

to discuss that.

Just kinda working on

adult entertainment.

I think I'm an adult.

Legally, I'm not, but...

Okay...

What are you... so you're doing

this for school credit?

Yeah, yeah, I need one more

credit to graduate and...

Well, Rex needed some help

with organization.

And he told me that there

is a credit in organization.

So I'm going to go

ahead and organize...

- Oh, I see.

- These tapes.

- You're here. What's up?

- Hey.

- Hey, Theodore, how are you doing?

- What's up?

How's the tapes coming along?

Good, I'm halfway through them.

I've only gotten

a few labels, though,

'cause I gotta learn

how to spell these things.

Well, learn how to spell 'em, man.

That's what Google's for.

I know how to spell, but you got

certain things like "squirt-ti-ting,"

like, it's more than

one squirt or something,

- like, how many "I-n-g's?"

- It's an emphasis.

It's more squirting

than regular squirting.

What the f*** is an emphasis?

It's an emphasis

in the squirting.

Squirting and then

"squirt-ti-ting,"

like you just said,

it's double the squirting.

That doesn't work as a label.

We can have volume one,

volume two, volume three.

Put squirting squared,

I don't care.

I'm trying to organize

this for you,

- but you're not giving me any help.

- Don't be so hard on him.

He's an intern.

He's only working for credit.

Yeah, he's getting life credit.

Valuable life credit.

- That's not a thing.

- It is a thing.

When I was his age,

you know, 12, 13, 14,

I did the same type of task

for other people.

I told you my birthday like 10 times.

It was last week.

That was mlk day, I think.

I don't know what that means.

Am I gonna get a credit?

Am I gonna graduate?

You gotta ask yourself that,

I mean, I don't...

I don't have

your progress report

I'm not your teacher.

You're getting life credit,

which is more valuable

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