The Sheriff of Fractured Jaw Page #10

...no robberies, no violence,

in fact, no crime whatsoever.

So it seems your complaints

are somewhat unwarranted.

Well, maybe you're right.

But I still say that you're gonna wake up

some morning with your scalp gone.

Great jumping Jehoshaphat,

I gotta get out of here.

I gotta go home.

I gotta shave, spruce up.

- But well, anyway, I've had my say.

- But you haven't had your tea.

Oh, balderdash.

- They want to talk to you, sir.

- Ah, good.

Well, Running Deer, what do you think

my London tailor...

...would have to say about this?

- It fits you jolly well, sir.

Thank you.

Right.

- Hey, sheriff.

- Ah, Clayborne, yes?

- We wanna make a deal.

- You've chosen an inconvenient time.

Me and Wilkins been talking things over.

We ain't doing ourselves no good here.

Well, that's a remarkable display of

logic. I'd just about given up hope.

WILKINS:
Sheriff?

- Yes?

We ain't getting

no place shooting each other.

So if it's all right with you,

we want out.

We agree to share the water hole,

and we'll let the Indians use it too.

- Do you mean this?

- Yeah.

- Have I your word on that?

- Uh-huh.

And yours, Wilkins?

- Good.

- They're coming into town now, sir.

Gentlemen, excuse me.

I have an important engagement.

Right, Running Deer,

turn those chaps loose.

- Good luck to you, sir.

- Thank you.

MAN 1:

You roped her, sheriff.

MAN 2:

You thinking of taming her, sheriff?

MAN 3:

Howdy, sheriff.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[RINGS]

- I say, my dear old boy. Clean at last.

- Yeah.

Oh, slight problem.

Won't be a moment.

Ida Bee, I want you to pump this here

organ like you never pumped it before.

I want its golden notes

to go soaring over the whole territory.

Because this here's a joyous occasion.

A joyous occasion.

- She ain't changed her mind, has she?

- No.

It's customary for the bride

to walk down the aisle with her father.

Where are you gonna get a father?

Just for the ceremony,

I've lent her mine.

[ORGAN PLAYS]

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here together...

...to join in holy wedlock this fair,

pure flower of the prairie and this...

- Oh, have you got the ring?

- Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Ha!

I pronounce you man and wife.

[SHOUTING AND WHOOPING]

- Indians.

- No, darling. Relatives.

Oh.

[GASPS]

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