The Silent Thief

1

Come on, you little bastard.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm here about the room.

Candi, you finally got one.

Come on in, I'll be right out.

That's better.

One more minute,

I would have burst.

Hi, I'm Candi Henderson.

My hands are clammy,

but it's just water.

Brennan Marley.

Nice to meet you.

I love your accent.

You sound like 0-0-7

Ha. James bond.

Sean Connery was my favorite.

Did you ever meet him?

Uh, no, he's, uh,

actually Scottish.

Oh.

Mmmm. This is our daughter,

Elise.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Honey, don't, don't, don't,

don't, don't spoil your lunch.

Would you like to join us?

Oh, I don't-I don't wanna

intrude or-

Oh, nonsense. Come on. Put it

over on the table.

Hot stuff! Coming through!

Woooo!

Hey, that was funny, come on.

That was hilarious, Howard.

Is your burger

not cooked enough?

No, no, it's great.

I just eat one thing at a time.

Is that an English thing?

Howard, leave him alone.

I've just never seen

anything like that before.

No, it's fine. It's-It's not an

English thing, it's a me thing.

I'm a little bit weird.

It's not weird.

Catfish search for food with

their beards.

No animal talk at the table.

And we run a nice house here,

no drugs, no overnight guests.

Understood, absolutely.

Here...

my id if you want to check it.

Sorry about the hair cut.

Oh, dear.

Yeah, it was a phase.

Um, do you mind if

I use your toilet?

Oh, it's right down

the hall. You'll see it.

Thank you.

Mike's coming home tomorrow;

He'll want his room back.

He'll sleep on the couch, just

a couple of days.

You know, thanksgiving's a

short holiday.

Mmmm.

Excuse me.

I'll take her burger.

You got the room.

Oh... well, I haven't...

seen it.

Jesus, do you pack

everything you own?

There.

This your brother?

Yep, that's mike.

Elise, you better take your

shower before the hot water's gone.

Okay!

You wanna shower?

I mean, if you're gonna shower after me,

I'll save you some hot water.

No, I'm okay, thank you.

Okay.

Goodnight!

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

It's the two percent rule.

Sorry, that-What?

Gotta be two percent smarter

than what you're working with.

Thanks for the tip.

No problem.

So what is all this?

These are fish.

Hmm.

I mean why do you have so many?

These three tanks are salt water

And, uh, see that fish, the

purple and blue fin?

He's a beta or a Siamese fighting fish,

which means he doesn't play well with others.

So, are you some kind of...

fish scientist...?

Or something?

Marine biologist?

Yeah, I'm going to school for

it in a few months.

Cool.

Would you put some clothes on?

I mean, you're scaring my fish.

Sorry.

You don't have to do that.

Actually, I do.

How'd you sleep?

Good, thank you.

Here's two weeks worth of rent.

Should be all there.

Thank you.

Sure.

Smell this.

Wow, thanks for that.

Smells normal.

Ah, no help,

A bit manly for you?

No, it's for mike.

We don't even have the same parts

and I'm the one who's supposed

To be stocking up his bathroom

before he gets home.

This one better?

Why don't you

just wait for mike to get back?

Let him decide.

Yeah, well, it's because it's

the first time he's been back

Since he's left

home for college.

My mom wants everything

to be perfect.

Yeah, he's her favorite.

Alex would know!

Who's Alex?

Mike's best friend.

Hey, loser.

Hey, do you know what type of

deodorant mike likes?

Okay, yeah, got it.

Yeah, yeah,

we did rent out the room.

Yeah, to a photographer

named Brennan.

Yeah, he's from England.

Okay, bye.

I gotta go finish my chores.

Okay.

Here's a gift.

Thanks.

Look at you!

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You must be Brennan.

Yes.

- How you doing?

- Good.

- Mike.

- Mike.

- I just came to grab a clean shirt.

- Sure, yeah.

How you liking it so far?

It's good.

How-How-How's the journey?

Oh, it was good.

Mom's excited to have you.

Yeah.

So welcome. To America.

Yeah, uh, yeah.

Alright. Well, uh, listen,

you need anything, let me know. Okay?

Okay, alright.

- See you out there.

- See you down there.

Elise, I thought I told you to

burn that thing.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, well, I bought

another one.

Well, I haven't

even eaten yet, so-

No, no, he's hungry.

I left you a plate in the kitchen, honey.

Look at the muscles on that

kid. He doesn't need to eat.

Yeah, well,

constant nutrients keep your muscles toned.

Oh my god, she

does have a brain.

Alright, fine.

Go eat, but hurry back.

Oh, and can you bring some

pencils too when you-

Oh, what about Brennan?

What about him?

Oh, uh, hi.

If you play, the teams

will be uneven.

No, no, dad,

he can be on mine and mike's team, right?

He can actually just play for me. I don't

really feel like playing right now anyway.

Oh, don't be scared, mike.

I'm even giving you an extra player.

Dad, are you really

that eager to lose?

Last time mom said you cried

yourself to sleep.

Well... Elise said you had a nightmare

and screamed like a little girl.

This seems like a family thing.

I'm gonna go find

something else to do.

- No, no, Brennan.

- No, it's fine.

Join us.

No, no. You guys have fun.

- Seriously. I'll see you later.

- Hurry it up!

Coming.

Okay, my turn first.

Three!

What are you staring at?

Where are your shoes?

That's a story, kid.

Give me that roll,

I'll tell you.

Alright.

Alright, show's

over. Go on, get out of here.

Go on, get out.

Go on!

Sorry, I just need to

get my bag.

So, who won the game?

Me and Elise.

You in college?

That's right.

Some kind of running

scholarship?

Uh, no, actually,

I hurt myself halfway through

senior year.

Must have been gutted.

Yeah, sort of...

but, um, I decided to go to

college anyway.

I'm gonna be a trainer.

Good for you.

Hey, listen, you can,

uh, you can have the room.

You know, you are paying rent

after all, it's my pleasure.

Nah, it's your room.

I insist.

It's fine, really.

No, no, okay, let's play rock,

paper, scissors for it.

Yeah?

One, two, shoot.

Alright.

Ready?

Alright, best two out of three.

Okay.

Alright, um, I guess

I'm on the couch.

Yep.

Sleep well.

Done hibernating for the winter?

Hello, good morning.

Afternoon is more like it.

This always confuses me.

Hey, could you

scoot over London?

Yeah, sorry.

Well, it's an American sport.

I just meant I don't understand why you

play American football on your holidays

If baseball is

your national pastime.

Baseball is our pastime,

but football is our sport.

There's a difference.

Oh!

Let the big dog eat!

You know, I think some of those

guys enjoy that a little too much.

- What, the butt slapping?

- Yeah.

I bet you'd be surprised how

many gays there are in The NFL.

Mike, watch this kid eat.

Howard, leave Brennan alone.

It's amusing!

Is it?

I'm kidding.

It's a joke.

You got burned, dad.

Yeah, that was,

that was good, I like that.

So, what's so amusing about

the way you eat?

Oh, I like to eat one thing

at a time.

You know, it's better

for you anyway.

It's good for your

digestive system.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes