The Simpsons Movie Page #2

Please, get rid of that pig.

Oh, you're gonna love him.

Look, he does an impression of you.

You nailed her.

He also does me.

You smiled. I'm off the hook.

Oh, you have so many looks.

So that's what snug is.

Who's a good pig?

Who's a good pig?

Rough day, huh, son?

You don't know what rough is, sister.

Bart, you know, whenever my boys

bake up a batch of frownies...

...I take them fishing.

Does your dad ever take you fishing?

Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper

to catch the fish.

If you love fish like I do,

you want them to die with dignity.

I think I have a nibble.

I think fishing might be

more fun with you.

Oh, great. Now, how about

I fix you some cocoa?

No way. Cocoa's for wusses.

Well, sir, if you change your mind,

it's on the windowsill.

Oh, my God.

Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the best part.

He loves the environment.

Oh, wait! I still didn't tell you

the best part. He's got an Irish brogue.

No, no, wait!

I still didn't tell you the best part.

He's not imaginary!

Oh, honey, that's great.

But the very best thing

is that he listens to you.

Because nothing means more

than for a man to...

How did the pig tracks

get on the ceiling?

Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig

Does whatever a Spider-Pig does

Can he swing from a web?

No, he can't, he's a pig

Look out

He is the Spider-Pig

Are we having fun yet?

We are now. You've got a bite.

Whoa, mama!

Oh, no, my good pole!

You're not strangling me.

What the...?

Strangling's only good for...

Well, it's not good for anything.

The only time you should

lay hands on a boy...

...is to give him

a good pat on the back.

Hey, what the hell are you...?

One more time.

Honey, I'm home.

We are at the tipping point, people.

If we don't do something now...

I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought.

Isn't he dreamy?

Agreed.

Okay, so here's the bottom line:

If we don't change our ways

right now...

...pollution in Lake Springfield

will be at this level.

That's not so bad.

No, the lift is stuck.

Am I getting through to anyone?

Hell, yeah.

We need a new one of those things.

All in favor of a new scissor lift,

say "aye."

- Aye.

- No!

This lake is just one piece of trash

away from a toxic nightmare.

But I knew you wouldn't listen.

So I took the liberty of pouring water

from the lake in all your drinking glasses.

This is why we should hate kids.

This is serious, people.

No more dumping in the lake.

I hereby declare a state of emergency.

Code black.

Black? That's the worst color there is.

- No offense there, Carl.

- I get it all the time.

Sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.

Fine. I will put my yard trimmings

in a car compactor.

Chief, I think there was

a dead body in there.

I thought that too,

until he said "yard trimmings."

You gotta learn to listen, Lou.

Let us now make sure

this barrier is completely idiot-proof.

- Cletus.

- Yessum?

Try to dump something in the lake.

Okay.

I can't. I simply can't.

- Brilliant.

- Very effective.

Don't get any ideas.

Maybe we should kiss,

just to break the tension.

What's going on here?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'm not sure that pig

should be in the house.

And by the way,

what are you doing with his leavings?

Don't worry.

I've devised a most elegant solution.

It's leaking.

It's not leaking, it's overflowing.

He filled up the whole silo

in just two days?

Well, I helped.

Homer, stop! Stop. I know it's easy

for your mind to wander...

...but I want you to

really concentrate on me.

I can't escape the feeling that this

is the crisis Grampa warned us about.

You have to dispose

of that waste properly.

Okay, Marge. I will.

You can take Spider-Pig with you.

He's not Spider-Pig anymore,

he's Harry Plopper.

Hello.

Homer, you gotta get over here.

Health inspector shut down the doughnut

store, they're giving out free doughnuts!

Oh, my God, oh, my God!

I just got one thing I gotta do first.

Well, you better hurry.

They're going fast.

Whoa, that was close.

Evil!

Drive, drive, drive!

Oh, right.

Look at that. You can see

the four states that border Springfield:

Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.

Oh, yeah.

And if you look real close,

you can almost...

Well, this certainly seems odd...

...but who am I to question

the work of the Almighty?

We thank you, Lord,

for this mighty fine intelligent design.

Good job.

Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!

Hey! Jab one more eye

and it's a federal crime.

- Who are you?

- Environmental Protection Agency.

Russ Cargill, head of the EPA,

here to see the president.

Mr. President.

Ja, that is me.

Pollution in Springfield

has reached crisis levels.

I hate this job. Everything's "crisis" this

and "end of the world" that.

Nobody opens with a joke.

I miss Danny De Vito.

You want a joke, huh?

Stop me if you've heard this one.

Look at those angry eyes

and giant teeth.

It's like Christmas

at the Kennedy compound.

You know, sir, when you

made me head of the EPA...

...you appointed one of

the most successful men in America...

...to the least successful agency

in government.

And why did I take the job?

Because I'm a rich man

who wanted to give something back.

Not the money, but something.

So here is our chance to

kick some ass for Mother Earth.

- I'm listening.

- Well, I've narrowed your choices down...

...to five unthinkable options.

Each will cause untold misery...

I pick number three.

You don't wanna read them first?

I was elected to lead, not to read.

Number three!

We're being sealed in a dome!

What do I do?

I don't know what to do!

If I stay, I'm trapped.

If I leave, I'm alone.

Oh, God. In, out, in, out!

I never saw Venice.

"Trapped forever."

It's all come true.

That crazy old man in church

was right.

Dome!

All right, men, open fire.

Who's hurt? Raise your hands.

Without the attitude.

People, people.

I have an important announcement.

I have just perfected

an acid-firing super-drill...

...which can cut through anything.

- Hey, that's cool.

It's right there.

Just outside of the dome.

What ruthless madmen

could have done this to us?

The United States government.

My name is Russ Cargill

and I'm head of the EPA.

The what?

- Environmental Protection Agency.

- Come again?

Look, I'm a man on a big TV.

Just listen.

- Springfield has become...

- Springfield!

- the most polluted city

in the history of the planet.

Drama queen!

To keep your poisons

from spreading...

...your government has sealed you

in this dome.

It's the last thing we wanted to do.

I own the company that makes

the dome, but that's beside the point.

You mean we're trapped like rats?

No, rats can't be trapped this easily.

You're trapped like carrots.

Wait. We couldn't be more polluted.

Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.

Apparently someone

didn't get the message.

Act natural.

Hey, buddy, sooner or later,

people are gonna discover this.

Don't worry about that. We found

a way to take you off the map.

Coming up on your right:

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