The Singing Detective Page #6

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l couldn't get a job...

but l will, okay?

Mom, you're lying!

Mom...

-l promise, l will!

-l want to go home!

You stop it!

You stop it!

You stop it!

Don't pinch me there.

That's my sore.

Your what?

What?

Let me see.

How did you do that?

You hurt yourself or what?

l don't know.

l'm so sorry.

Okay, it's not very legible,

and it hurts, but...

First time l actually

have to think

about the value

of every little word,

and it's just so...

Ah, it's dangerous.

There's one.

Well, it cuts

most of the jobs

a writer would get

if you have to think

about the value

of the words.

Hollywood re-writes...

National Enquirer...

Dan Rather's teleprompter.

Let's see how you're doing.

Can you read it?

''Memory...

upward strokes

and downward slopes...''

Mm-hmm.

And what's this?

''...Comma curls

making me hold...''

Yeah, l can read it.

-Oh.

-Making you hold what?

My breath.

Words make me hold my breath.

Do they now?

Who knows what

they're going to say?

But...

Who knows where they've been?

We're getting

a little heavy here, aren't we?

Well, what made you say that,

Brenda?

What do you mean?

lf we wrote that down.

Quote, getting a little

heavy, comma,

aren't we, question mark,

unquote.

lf l did...

No, it doesn't matter.

Ah, well, um...

keep at it!

Quote, ah, well, dash,

keep at it, exclamation mark.

She smiled, comma,

turned away, dot-dot... dot.

Ooh, going off the page.

Stop... finished, period.

He's dead,

period.

Out of it, period.

That's it.

All done.

Great.

Mmm...

l like that.

Now Dan Dark's whole script

is in the machine...

Minus his name.

...we can run off

as many copies as we need,

and they can tinker with it

if they want.

So now

we deliver.

And we could.

But you must get Dark

to sign the rights

to my company.

That's essential.

Okay. Move forward a little.

That better?

Yeah.

Oh... that's fine.

Okay. One...

he signs with me.

Two...

...l sell it on...

l-l mean we sell it on

to Mail Pouch Films,

and three...

net profit...

one million.

Plus points.

Plus points.

But he's gotta sign.

Don't worry.

l can get him...

to do... anything!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, oh... Good girl... Oh...

Hello.

Hey.

Hey. l was just

thinking about you.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

What were you

thinking about me?

l was thinking

you look terrific.

Hmm.

So do you.

You look better.

Don't, Dan.

Don't what?

Look at me like that.

Like what?

Like l'm your enemy.

Oh, you are definitely

up to something.

You are so definitely involved

in some kind

of f***ing scam.

Good old Danny.

And it probably has something

to do with money-- my money.

You haven't got any money.

No. Not in cash, maybe.

Not in good, old-fashioned,

foldable, chewable lettuce.

No. Nor in coins, come to that.

Nothing to go

chink-chink in my pocket,

but l have assets.

Like what?

My four detective stories.

Yeah...

Three of which

are out of print.

And the screenplay.

What screenplay?

Bingo!

F***ing bingo.

Danny, please,

you gotta fill me in.

What are you talking about?

With my own two hands.

With these dead,

buckled, chicken feet!

l wrote it six,

seven years ago.

Danny.

What screenplay is this?

''What screenplay?''

the Singing Detective,

that's what.

Danny.

l put it...

l put it in the thing.

l put it up

in the shoe boxes,

and l put it in the closet.

Oh, that.

''Oh, that.''

Oh, my God.

Yes, that.

Well, wait a minute.

lf it's the pages

l think you mean,

you threw them out. Ages ago.

-No.

-Yes.

No. l threw them out.

-l threw them out.

-Dan, yes, you did.

You threw them out.

You said it was garbage.

What are you doing?

Oh, well.

Easy come. Easy go.

Was it the only copy?

Of course.

Did l squeeze it?

Did that hurt?

My heart, you mean?

You are improving, though,

you know?

You really...

Except l'm going crazy.

Hey, now.

l'm going crazy.

l lie here and make

these connections

between my cheap

little detective story

and my own cheap little...

Oh, to hell with it.

Sex.

Yeah, l know the word.

Yeah, but that's what

the whole thing is about.

My book. My life.

lt's about sex.

Sex and lies.

Oh... l want to sleep

with you again.

Dan.

l do. With a big

mirror alongside.

Oh, stop.

That's so l can look

over at myself

while l'm f***ing

and just leer.

And right as it's coming up

in me, the ol' joy juice,

l flip it over to one side

and come off your gleaming

loins, honey, and just

spit right in my own face.

Oh, my God.

Well. lt's improvement.

What is?

Spitting at myself.

A couple of days ago my idea of

true bliss would have been...

...spitting into your face.

-Dan.

-Huh?

What are you going

to do about this?

-What?

-This rage,

this thing you have,

this hatred?

What are you going

to do about it?

Well, l'll probably just

write serious literature.

Just piss in the wind

like poets and priests do.

Who are they?

Who are those two?

Who are you?!

Who is who?

Go, go, go and look,

go and look.

No. l don't see anything.

What is the matter?

Paranoia.

Thank you.

Baby, l'm so paranoid.

Then you've got

everything going

for you, haven't you?

Mm-hmm.

l'm telling you, people

are beginning to notice us.

You see, they're looking at us.

Who cares? They're all

sick in here, anyway.

Are you sure that's

him, with the...?

The nurse said so.

Maybe we should've brought

flowers... or grapes.

What for?

Less conspicuous.

Oh, yeah.

What are we going to do?

We going to waste

him, whack him, what?

Well, not when

that dame's there.

We gotta make him sing first.

Another f***in' song?

-Shut up.

-Hey.

Talk. l mean.

Tell us what

we're doing here.

l-l'm sick of standing around

like a dummy.

Are we Feds

or aren't we?

No. We're just

a couple of hoods.

-Shut up.

-Hey.

Do you need any help?

Uh, do we?

Uh, thank you, miss. No.

Um, we have seen all

that we wish to see,

and our report, uh,

will be a-arriving...

Let's go.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Now, when l get the blues,

l get me a rocking chair

When l get the blues,

l get me a rocking chair

Well, the blues overtake me

Gonna rock

right away from here

Now flip, flop and fly

l don't care if l die

Now flip, flop and fly

Don't care if l die...

Where are you?

l'm lost.

Lost?

Sorry. l'm lost.

Huh?

l have a confession to make.

Uh-huh.

l know more about

that movie offer

than l implied.

Oh, sh*t. Come clean.

Okay, l... l went, um...

to your apartment,

just to check it out

'cause you've been

in here so long.

Mm-hmm.

Um...

First of all, Dan...

Mmm? Mmm.

...the way that you live

is unbelievable.

The plants?

They're all dead.

Good. l hope they suffered.

There is mold on every

single living thing.

Uh-huh. Give me

some yogurt, please.

First of all, who goes away

and leaves Camembert

on the table?

You opened my mail.

Yes. l did,

but just the bills...

You opened my mail.

...and this one letter.

Don't worry about the bills.

That's where l grow the mold.

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